Adoption is Our Joy and Their Deepest Loss
Adoption is beautiful. It’s redemptive, brave, and life-changing. Honestly, it’s one of our greatest joys which is expanding our family, raising children we’ve chosen and love deeply.
However, if we’re honest, it’s also our child’s deepest loss because adoption, at its very core, begins with separation.
The Moment Everything Stops
For the adoptive parent, it’s a celebration. Yet, for the child, it’s the moment their entire world ends.
Everything they’ve known, whether safe or unsafe, comforting or chaotic… it stops. Suddenly, they’re expected to relearn life in a new place and surrounded by unfamiliar faces. With people they’re told to call “family” but who are, at first, just strangers.
Think about that.
We teach children from the time they can talk: Don’t talk to strangers. Don’t go with people you don’t know.
But in adoption, we ask them to do just that: “Trust these new people. They’re safe. They love you.” Even though we haven’t earned it yet.
It’s not that we don’t love them. We do so, fiercely. However, trust doesn’t come instantly. For a child whose world has been turned upside down, safety isn’t a promise they know how to believe yet.
Love Means Seeing the Loss
If you’re an adoptive parent reading this, this isn’t to shame you. It’s to equip you.
You can love your child and still honor their grief. Also, you can celebrate your family and still acknowledge the trauma woven into its beginning. You can be the safe place they need without expecting them to trust you right away.
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
Psalm 34:18 (NIV)
A Gentle Challenge
Try this: Instead of asking your child to be thankful for adoption, tell them you’re thankful for them. Give them space to grieve without guilt.
If your family is navigating the complex layers of adoption, trauma, and attachment—Circle of Hope Counseling Services is here for you. We offer trauma-informed, faith-filled therapy for children, parents, and families.
📞 Reach out today to schedule your first session (KY residents only) or learn more: Circle of Hope Counseling Services. You don’t have to walk this journey alone. Hope starts here.
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