My guest blogger today talks about How It Began between her and her “first” boyfriend. In it she reveals the emotional abuse, manipulation, and pain that she endured during the almot 3 years of dating this boy.
This is Something That is Considerably Difficult for Me to Write
I still have not been able to let it go after all these years. But I feel like now is the time to write about what my experiences were like when I was dating someone. I had not been in a relationship (or at least a serious one) until I met him. Online dating is the hip and cool new way to meet possible relationships. You can talk with random people all over the world. I was sadly one of the suckers that got sucked into all of the fun profiles and nice looking men.
How It Began
He showed up in my Facebook messages. Then he told me that he found my profile on the dating website. Sadly, he did not have the premium services. Because of that, he had to message me via Facebook. He was a nice looking man and I thought, why not? Maybe I should open myself up and see if this might go somewhere. We started talking and we talked online and eventually started texting and calling almost daily for quite a few months.
Eventually, We Met and He Took Me on a Date
He was incredibly tall, 6’5 which seemed like a dream come true to my 6’0 tall self. Our date went really well and I invited him to come to church with me the following day. We started dating even though he lived in Alabama and we shortly declared ourselves in a relationship after only dating for a little while. My friends, family, and church family were so supportive of us and our long distance relationship. It was so hard for him and I to only see each other every two weeks for only two short days. And sometimes I would go months without seeing him because of him working two jobs.
The Honeymoon Phase
I was in such a “honeymoon” phase that I did not truly see how screwed up our relationship was at the time. Honestly, I made it very clear that I did not want to do anything further unless we got married. I made a choice a long time ago to wait until marriage to have any kind of relations with a man since that is what God says in his Word. After about a year of dating, he kissed me and touched me even though I did not say yes or no. And from there we continued to make poor choices and follow fleshly desires rather than focusing our eyes on God and working on our relationship.
Being “In Love”
I wanted to make him happy because I wanted to be in love so bad and I wanted him to care about me like I saw in the relationships of my other friends. I had never felt that feeling of “being in love” and I did not see how dangerous it was for me to continue in that sin pattern. Eventually I told him that we could not continue like this anymore and he agreed to stop. From the beginning that we started dating I told him that if he ever laid a finger on me that it would not end well for him, which he didn’t but he also treated me in a way that is not acceptable in the way a man should take care of a woman.
Manipulation and Emotional Abuse
He would yell at me and be overly possessive over me for no reason. I told him that I was considering, not even stating I was actually going to do it, but that I wanted to possibly join a sorority. He freaked out and told me he did not want me to join because I would leave him for a frat guy that was better than him. I assured him that cheating was not something that I take lightly and that I only had eyes for him.
He would yell at me even in front of my family to the point where I had to leave the room in order to stay calm and keep my composure. Yet, I still said nothing because I did not want him to leave me. He would emotionally abuse me and refused to communicate with me when we would fight. I tried to put a bandaid on the issue or smile my way through it and say that we were alright. I refused to listen to wisdom from my church family, my mentors, and my family, especially my mom.
Part 2: Coming Tomorrow