Depression is Gray and Black
Content Note:
This guest post is shared for Suicide Awareness Month and discusses sensitive topics that may include suicidal thoughts, self-harm, trauma, abuse, emotional pain, depression, anxiety, or crisis-level hopelessness. Please read with care. If this topic feels activating, it is okay to pause, step away, or reach out for support.
A note from Brandi:
This guest post is shared with permission and reflects the personal experience and perspective of the writer. It is offered for awareness, education, encouragement, and stigma reduction. It is not therapy, clinical advice, crisis care, medical advice, or a substitute for professional support. If you are in crisis, thinking about suicide, at risk of hurting yourself, or in immediate danger, call 911, call or text 988, or go to your nearest emergency room.
Depression
Is a dark and twisty place
It’s when your inner thoughts are gray and black
There is no light
There is no white
Just gray or black
The gray is sad but bearable thoughts
This is where you look back at what’s wrong
grieving the way you handled it
Want to do something to change it but can’t
These thoughts I think are easier to voice
To seek help. Ask someone to hold you accountable
To try and continue your life
Which is Worse?
The black well that is the worse
The dark and the bleak
These thoughts are much more dangerous
These are the thoughts that keep you imprisoned in your mind
Keep you in bed for days
Give you the feelings of why even try?
These thoughts are almost impossible to voice
The darker the thought the harder it gets to talk to people
The harder it gets to seek help
And the harder it is to continue anything in life
The In-Between
Somewhere between the gray and black, there is a turning point
From being sad to wanting to crawl under a rock and die
I’m not sure where the begins
I just know that’s where it ends.
But surely there is a way to continue life looking towards something
Instead of looking back at the past
If you can get there that’s when you can see a light
It starts off small almost like a dot
Finding the Dot
For me trying to find that dot is the hardest part
Trying to find something worth looking for the dot.
But once I find it I plan on holding on to it.
Because the dot will eventually grow
It will become the light that I seek.
I just have to hold on a little longer.
And keep looking ahead.
Guest Post / Crisis Support Disclaimer:
Guest posts reflect the personal views and lived experiences of the writer. They do not necessarily represent clinical advice, therapy, crisis care, medical advice, or the views of Barefoot Faith Journey or Circle of Hope Counseling Services. Blog content is educational and inspirational only and does not create a therapist-client relationship.
If you are in crisis: Please call 911, call or text 988, or go to your nearest emergency room. This blog is not monitored for crisis support. You are worthy of immediate care and support.
