Tag: bullying

Life or Something Like It

Let’s Talk About Adult Bullies and Peer Pressure

Barefoot Faith Journey

Let’s Talk About Adult Bullies and Peer Pressure

Let's Talk About Adult Bullies and Peer Pressure

Let’s Talk About Adult Bullies and Peer Pressure and the fact that it does not end in your schooling years. Bullying is horrible, not matter what stage of life you are in at the time. It starts at a young age and then gets worse when puberty hits. Then, your high school years they aren’t called bullies, they are called cliques.

Frankly, it is all stupid. I never fit in at school with any clique, ever. My one friend found a new set of friends that liked to drink and do other things. My other friend quit school at 16 because he got his girlfriend pregnant and decided to be a drug dealer.

True story.

I stayed to myself, kept my head down, tried to fit in, and it didn’t work. I was made fun of from everything from my clothes, hair, makeup, car I drove, and the classes I took. One time, someone told me that I breathed too loudly, my freckles were distracting, and I walked with my feet out like a duck.

The Stupidity is Real

I think that is why I am drawn to those that are looking a little disheveled, down on their luck, and struggling with life. Their ducks are not in a row…they have a bunch of rabid squirrels running everywhere. Those are my people. One of the best things I ever did was go to AA. I went with a friend (this was for my master’s class) and we went for 12 weeks.

“Hi, I’m Brandi and I’m not an addict.” Cheers and applause would erupt and I would hear “Hi, Brandi, welcome and we are so glad you are here and not an addict.” It was the same with Weight Watchers. They literally clapped and said “Hi Brandi, we are so glad you are here and fat. Welcome!” Honestly, it feels good to be accepted for who you are in situations like that.

Those were my people. Sadly, my husband said I couldn’t go to AA anymore because most of the attendees were his clients and he didn’t want them to know. I get that. For WW, I lost the weight I was supposed to and just quit going because of the cost.

I Digress

Here I am, almost 51 years old and struggling with this issue. How pathetic is that to even utter those words? I often stop and think “hurt people hurt people.” Seriously, think about it. When someone is hurting, they will hurt others to deflect from their pain. It is sad. I do that but I have had to be really mindful to capture myself and not let something get the better of me.

The issue I am facing will fade away, in time. I stay to myself and try not to ask questions or make waves. In short, I make myself small instead of being myself. Granted, I am loud and I love to help, when I can but some people don’t want help and loudness is a trigger. I am trying to respect that aspect.

Lately, I have decided to just be me and be damned with the words that come at me. I am tired of dulling my shine. Now, will I be rude or disrespectful? Absolutely not. If there is a time when I need to apologize, I will do so even if I might not agree. I will do it to make things easier. At the end of the day, that other person has to figure out what it is about me that triggers them. If it is something I can work on, I will but if it is just who I am (as a human) then you need to figure it out and let me be.

In the End

Be kind. It really is that simple. If you don’t have something nice to say, just shut your mouth. Do not guilt someone into doing something they do not want to do (peer pressure). Please do not make someone feel bad because you think they are handling a situation in a way that doesn’t suit you. You can give advice but only when it is asked for. Be an ear, love each other, do not say ‘I told you so.’

Love each other. Meet them where the are at in life. Life is hard enough without adults bullying others and making another person feel less than. You are better than that. I am better than that. Honestly, I am trying to capture my thoughts, be mindful of my speech (with the exception of today when I lost my cool). God gave us 2 ears and 1 mouth. That means you are to listen twice as much as you open your trap. When you do open it, make sure it is laced with the love of God.

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Life or Something Like It

Wonder From the Eyes of the Typical

Barefoot Faith Journey

Wonder From the Eyes of the Typical

Wonder From the Eyes of the Typical

Wonder From the Eyes of the Typical kid has inched into my brain. I use the words “typical” and “atypical” loosely. In my world, there are no “typical” kids or people. We are all a bit screwy from time to time. That is what makes the world an exciting place to live. Not being all alike, it gives areas flavor and personality.

My Reason

I used that terminology because of the movie “Wonder” that I watched last night. You can find a Christian review on this film at Plugged in Online to learn more about the different content of this movie.

They used the word “typical” in the film while referencing their oldest daughter, Via. Their youngest son, Auggie, was born with a deformity. He, too, was a biological child. For the most part, I enjoyed this movie, though it hurt my heart.

My Thoughts

This movie did not depict the strain that raising a medically fragile child can have on a marriage. The ‘parents’ seemed to get along great, and there didn’t seem to be underlying anger/hurt/resentment towards one another.

That, right there, is why this is a movie and not real life.

Raising children with special needs, whether mental, physical, life-altering, terminal, etc., have a great deal of strain on any couple. The pressure does not discriminate on whether the parents are married, co-parenting, etc. It isn’t easy. I know why people do not stay married. The all-consuming nature of special needs children is just that, all-consuming.

The Typical Child

What I feel they were pretty spot-on with is the feeling of the older daughter. The child in the shadows. The child you just let skate on and upward with because they know not to make waves. These children have learned to problem solve, maintain, and stay calm on the outside when their insides are screaming.

Guilt begins to permeate.

This movie made me think about my ‘typical’ kids and what they have seen/heard throughout the years. The pain is unbearable at the thought that I have swooshed them under the rug because I was busy putting out fires of my ‘atypical’ kids.

My kids’ needs range from minor to significant things. We have dealt with everything from Dyslexia to Mild Mental Deficit. Splash in Reactive Attachment Disorder, Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, Deafness, and Opsoclonus Myoclonus Syndrome. You will have my kids in a nutshell.

Be Careful Little Eyes What You See

My kids have seen SO much over the years. I’m so blessed that they are so aware of God and follow (mostly) in His forgiving ways. To think back, it makes me shudder to remember the looks on their faces when the violence would ensue.

I can still hear the still, small voices saying “mama stop” when I had had enough. The fear that would splash across their faces when one child would rage for hours on end. This child destroyed anything and anybody in the path of the tornado rage that was bearing down on us.

My kids didn’t have anyone over. It was not safe at times. They saw me cry more times than I could count. I have learned, over the years, to be mindful of catching my emotions before they run amuck.

Did I lose track of them in those years? Was there too long of a delay before I had had my belly full? Did my other children go unnoticed because of the acts/behaviors of one or two kids?

Be Careful Little Ears What You Hear

The things my kids have heard are horrible. The threats, the evil spewed out, the anger that flows like lava. They have listened to it all. One day, amid a storm (figurative, not literal), I noticed my son. God love him. He was corraling the other children to the back of the house.

I realized that day that he was moving them to safety. He wanted to protect their little eyes and ears from all that was going down. It was at that moment that I took control back.

No more was I going to let Satan rule my house. I was done, oh so done. Everything that I was “taught” to do by the so-called foster care rules, my church, my family, friends, other caregivers, therapists, and doctors…nothing worked.

It was time that I saw the other little faces, and I stopped the insanity that had ruled my home, mind, and heart for too long. I began to stop seeking approval from those that did not have my family’s best interest in mind. There were no more doctors, medications, or therapists. I was done.

James 4:7

“Submit to God. Resist the devil. He will flee.”  James 4:7 This was the verse I would chant while the world raged around me. We made tough decisions in regards to one of our children. A decision that I tried to back out of, but my family and my physician said it was for the best. Tough decisions are sometimes the hardest ones to make but also necessary for survival.

Reflecting on our past is not all a bad thing. I must be mindful to capture the thoughts that are not of God and put them in the place they should be in my mind. From the beginning of time, he knew the children that I would have, and He has made perfect provisions for each of them. I’m so thankful that He has guarded the hearts of our typical and atypical kids from remembering everything.

Hang tough, fellow mamas in the trenches. God has our backs!

 

Depression, Guest Blogger, Medical Issues, Suicide Awareness and Prevention

I Am Who I Am

Barefoot Faith Journey

I Am Who I Am

I Am Who I Am

Being who I am that I do not have many friends. It is hard for me to open up to other people because of how often I have been used. Also, for being backstabbed by these so-called “friends.” My circle of friends is tiny due to this issue I have had in the past. 

I have maybe four close friends who care about me and my well-being. I would do anything for them. Honestly, I am loyal to the end. I find it hard to let go, especially when potential long-lasting friendships end. I also tend to take on my friends’ problems. Sadly, I claim that I am the cause of their issues. I will just as quickly take the blame for everything rather than have them take responsibility. 

This One “Friend”

This one “friend” is currently my co-worker and, unfortunately, my neighbor. The first night shift we worked together, we instantly clicked. We became comfortable with each other, which is incredibly rare for me. As the days went on, we constantly texted about work and life. We would hang out at my place and watch movies on our days off. His friends and family became comfortable with me as we continued to hang out. Working together was a blast since we got along, and the kids enjoyed it when we both worked on the same day.

Tragic Event

He was always there for me when I needed him. There was a massive party at the apartment where I used to live. There were easily at least 200+ party-goers. Having a party, this size goes against the contract of the apartment complex. Unfortunately, the party got out of hand. There was a tragic event that turned the party into a nightmare. 

My anxiety was at an all-time high, and I needed to get out of there. My friend came to rescue me as quickly as he could. He was so understanding and was there to help distract me from this event. My friend insisted that I did not return to my apartment until things calmed down and the police finished their investigations.

Maude, My Orphan Kitty

My friend also supported me when my little orphan kitten died that I was trying to bottle feed after her mom rejected her. I stayed up late at night and took that little kitten with me literally everywhere, we eventually had a routine, and I was so proud of how she was progressing. I do not do well when animals die, especially if I am the one dedicated to their health and well-being. The baby passed away, and I was heartbroken. My friend was with me, and he took the kitten and buried her for me since I could not do it myself. 

I Told Him Everything

We did not have secrets, and we knew each other pretty well. My ‘friend’ was concerned for my mental health and physical health since the job profession we work in is extremely taxing for someone with mental health issues. I was grateful to have someone to talk to who has some of the same problems that I struggle with daily. This person was the true definition of an absolute best friend, or so I thought. 

We did not date even though he admitted having feelings for me that I could not reciprocate for personal reasons. But we remained best friends for a long time, that is, until his current girlfriend came back into his life. They had dated once in the past. I was supportive. I still wanted to hang out with him, and I also wanted to get to know his girlfriend because I was trying to be supportive of their relationship. 

All of a Sudden

He stopped talking to me, and he did not use text or call me at all. I had no clue what I did wrong to make him not talk to me because we spent almost every day together. Things just got worse from that point. I tried to talk to him, but he refused to acknowledge my existence and futile attempts to get him to speak to me. 

I admitted to him that I was jealous that he spent every day with his new girlfriend and that she moved in with him only two weeks after their dating. Not jealous in the love sort of way but jealous that my best friend put all of his attention on just his girlfriend and nobody else. 

Then One Night

One night I was walking my dog, and he was outside on his back patio with his sister and girlfriend. I did not say a single word to him. He shouted from his yard that he needed to say something to me and let me have it. He told me never to talk to his friends or family again and that if I had something to say, I should say it to his face. 

Instantly I got defensive and shouted back an obscene comment while rushing back to my apartment. Granted, I should have handled that situation with better decorum, but I was unprepared for that verbal attack. This ‘friend’ would text me nasty things, and his girlfriend even got in on the action and told me to stop talking to her boyfriend or things would get worse for me. I did not know how to handle this situation, so I ignored him. 

My Depression and Anxiety

My depression was through the roof, and my anxiety about the whole scenario kept my mind running in 20 different directions. My ‘friend’ drunk-dialed me one night, and I just broke down and told him everything I felt and how betrayed I felt about the whole situation. He blamed me for his drinking and dipping problem, and he said that I was the one that caused drama between him and his friends and family. Being the person I am, I claimed his problems as my own. I honestly believed that our entire friendship had been some one-way street and that I had caused all his problems. 

Eventually

After we were mature and decided to end our silly feud when we would work together, he started talking to me more, and we fell back into our usual best friend ways. He said that his girlfriend did not like me, and she did not like the fact that we would hang out all the time and text each other constantly. I told him that if she was threatened by me trying to “break up their relationship,” I could never do that to someone. I’m not that kind of person. And I reiterated that I will still support and care about him because he played a part in my life whether I wanted it to happen or not.

I Missed my Best Friend

I told him I missed my best friend, and I honestly did. I missed the days we would hang out together, be goofy, and have fun with our two dogs. The thing is, is that I hold onto the people that come into my life. I try to make any situation better by offering to help however I can at the time. My friend kept in contact with me, but we never actually hung out except when we worked together at the boy’s house. He fell into a bad depressive state, and I tried my best to be there for him since I know how rough it can be when you get in that depressive state. 

One Random Night

His girlfriend added me on Snapchat and sent me a message. I dreaded opening it because I hated confrontation. We talked for a long time, and we were okay. I explained that I did not have feelings for him other than feelings of being a best friend and that I was not trying to break up their relationship. I called my friend and told him what she said and how everything was good between us again. Everything was fine for the next two weeks. 

Enter My Mom

One day my mom came over to visit me, and she wanted to introduce herself to my boys and my friend since I had already told her about him. All she did was shake his hand and introduce herself. Two days later, I got the most hateful message from him early in the morning. He accused my mom and me of trying to start drama and said she came to his house unannounced. I was confused and hurt by all the hateful things sent to me.

Horribly Bullying

He called me a crazy psycho manipulative bitch and that he never wanted to see my face ever again. We were NEVER friends, the exact words that were texted to me. That was along with some other things I will not mention. I was at work at the time, so I had to excuse myself to go to the bathroom to cry and then compose myself the best I could. My hands were shaking, and I could feel my blood pressure rising with each nasty message. I was confused, hurt, and betrayed, and I seriously started believing everything he was saying to me.

Is This a Joke?

I honestly thought at first that it was a joke. That wasn’t him because my best friend would never say things like that to me. I profusely apologized even though I did nothing wrong, but he did not believe me. He said that I was not innocent and that I thought that I had never done anything wrong. I allowed myself to be sad for a little while. Then I had to get over it and finish out my shift so I could go home. Why? 

Seriously, Why me? 

Why do I always get into situations with people betraying me and my trust? I love fiercely, and I am loyal to the end. I would never do anything to hurt my friend. But he hurt me. He hurt me so badly that I felt like my chest would rip open. I was miserable for the next week or two. His friends would always come at me and send me nasty messages. I just took it all on my shoulders like I usually do. 

I need to stop doing things like that.

And that doesn’t make me a bad person. I am allowed to have feelings. To be sad and mourn my best friend, who I somehow alienated in my life. After I attended a church sermon one day, my pastor said something that resonated with me. It probed me to remember how badly he hurt me. He said that even though someone might have done us wrong, we must forgive. Also, pray that God will bless their lives abundantly. 

I started to cry thinking about all my past friendships that crashed and burned for whatever reason it was at the time. Then, I sent every single one of my so-called “friends” a message. It was a ‘to the point’ message which said exactly what I wanted to say. I did this in a kind and Christ-Like manner. I do not know if any of my friends even read that message. At least I sent it to them and forgave them.

Message to my “Friend”

I still see my neighbor around, and I also see him at work. Today, I will choose kindness. Also, I will choose to love still (as a friend). Furthermore, I will care about him even though it is hard. I will decide to make friends if God brings them into my life. Also, I will still love and be loyal to them no matter what comes my way. 

And to my friend, even though he says we are not friends, I hope you have a fruitful life. That you and your girlfriend are happy together is all I ever wanted for you. I want you to be happy and successful. Even if that means our friendship is at an end. That’s okay. I will be okay. Because my heart belongs to God, and I believe in his everlasting love for me.