It has been a bit over but here is our 6 Month School Update. As you may or may not know, I am a former homeschooler. I homeschooled my children for about 20 years. Successfully, I have graduated with 4 children. For my younger 3 kids, I decided to try public school.
Myriad of Reasons
I love homeschooling, for the most part. It has been a bit harder because I do have 4 special needs children, so it was also not the easiest. Our decision to put them in school was a quick and swift decision.
I knew when I was done, I would be done. Honestly, I was just overdone. My exhaustion level had reached an all-time high. When you have a child who is medically fragile, life changes. Our traveling had hit another level and I wasn’t doing anyone any justice by being 1/2 in. Their education is far too important for me to let it slide by.
Ben and Bug
They are well. Almost ready to celebrate 2 years of marriage. They are both working hard and learning so much. Bug is moving through some things and she has made some brave decisions. I’m incredibly proud of her.
She just started the first day of her last semester of college. **Cue the angels singing.** I have no idea why it seems she has been in college for 549 years, but it sure has. She has done well. There is that excitement mixed in with the “oh crap” mixed in with the thrill of fixing to truly start her “adult” life! She is also working and loving her dog. I’m incredibly proud of her.
Thankfully, she has finished high school. Good gracious that was a chore for both of us. She was about 6 mths late in doing so, but she worked 7 days a week to get finished. A good friend hired her to work and that is going well. She has MASTERED getting ANY types of stains out of clothes and she is really good with kids. There is still a lot to figure out, but we are taking one step at a time. I’m incredibly proud of her.
He has started the last semester of his freshman year of college. That seems unreal to me. He is working part-time and helping out at home. Still, though, uncertain about his major, we have ruled things out and then put things up closer to the front. He will figure it out. There is a little female that he has been spending time with…I just can’t talk about that right now. I’m incredibly proud of him.
For a kid with SEVERE dyslexia and FASD…he is rocking school! He has had great grades and is learning to navigate life. There have been some social issues that we have had to work through. Mostly learning who is safe and who isn’t. How to work around bullies. Oh, and have there been bullies. Bullies are not limited to children, ya know. Adults bully too and we have certainly dealt with that. I am not well-liked, at the school, by some people but I really do not care. I’m incredibly proud of him.
He has excelled, as well. Academically and with sports. He is so much fun to watch when he is playing ball. We have, again, dealt with bullies. Also, sadly, lots and lots of racism. Racism now is more underhanded and calculating. Methodical and intentional. There isn’t the outward act of separating out things just the subtle undertone. It has been so sad to see and to deal with. Again, I’m not well-liked by many. I really do not care though. I’m incredibly proud of him.
He has made great strides in school and in his therapies. For a little guy, he is in a different therapy 5 days a week. He has OT, PT, SLP, Vision, and Horse therapy (the best one of them all)! One major accomplishment is he has learned to spell and write his name. The thrill is unlike anything I’ve ever had! Our hardest thing has been treatment monthly, steroids monthly, and keeping him well. He has had 2 flare-ups since starting school. One attacked his hands and legs. The other attacked his hands and his speech. I’m incredibly proud of him!
1 O Lord, the God of vengeance, O God of vengeance, let your glorious justice shine forth! 2 Arise, O Judge of the earth. Give the proud what they deserve. 3 How long, O Lord? How long will the wicked be allowed to gloat? 4 How long will they speak with arrogance? How long will these evil people boast? 5 They crush your people, Lord, hurting those you claim as your own. 6 They kill widows and foreigners and murder orphans. 7 “The Lord isn’t looking,” they say, “and besides, the God of Israel doesn’t care.”
How many times I have thought about verse 7? So many past, current, and I’m sure future circumstances have me thinking about this verse. The Lord isn’t looking…He doesn’t. I’d be lying if I didn’t believe that to be true.
Take today, for instance. Woke up with a start at 5 am with a child coming upstairs to tell me another child woke up and got her up. I told the first child to go back to bed. Got the second child ready to lay down for a couple more hours until I realized he had soaked through all he was wearing. Now, my bedroom and bathroom wreak of pee. Good times.
Then I woke back up at 6 because I noticed lights on downstairs. Two boys seemingly doing their chores yet…not doing their chores but watching television. I give them marching orders and I go back to bed.
The calm before the Storm
I had an ounce of peace when I hoped in the hottest of hot showers and then got out and laid on the bed in silence. Sister called. Great conversation. Then Big Daddy beeped in 3 or 4 times. I finally call him back and he tells me to get to the school that a child had been in a fight.
That was super fun to deal with and totally appropriate that my boys are too scared of the admins to tell them they are being bullied. Bullying was escalated and D had had enough though the other guy threw the first punch. They both get suspended.
Then, I deal with that (which wow, this administration needs to work on communication skills, eye contact, and talking WITH the parent instead of AT the parent) and come home. I hear that my other mom isn’t doing well and her status. Sadly, I break. I cried for the rest of the day. My heart and brain are done.
The Lord isn’t looking…the God of Israel doesn’t even care. Yes…I get that desperation and that feeling. I get it
8 Think again, you fools! When will you finally catch on? 9 Is he deaf—the one who made your ears? Is he blind—the one who formed your eyes? 10 He punishes the nations—won’t he also punish you? He knows everything—doesn’t he also know what you are doing? 11 The Lord knows people’s thoughts; he knows they are worthless!
12 Joyful are those you discipline, Lord, those you teach with your instructions. 13 You give them relief from troubled times until a pit is dug to capture the wicked. 14 The Lord will not reject his people; he will not abandon his special possession. 15 Judgment will again be founded on justice, and those with virtuous hearts will pursue it.
16 Who will protect me from the wicked? Who will stand up for me against evildoers? 17 Unless the Lord had helped me, I would soon have settled in the silence of the grave.
18 I cried out, “I am slipping!” but your unfailing love, O Lord, supported me. 19 When doubts filled my mind, your comfort gave me renewed hope and cheer.
20 Can unjust leaders claim that God is on their side— leaders, whose decrees permit injustice? 21 They gang up against the righteous and condemn the innocent to death. 22 But the Lord is my fortress; my God is the mighty rock where I hide. 23 God will turn the sins of evil people back on them. He will destroy them for their sins. The Lord our God will destroy them.
But God. He is unfailing love, support, comforter, renewer of hope, and cheer. Yes, He is my fortress, my mighty rock where I can hide.
1 As the deer longs for streams of water, so I long for you, O God. 2 I thirst for God, the living God. When can I go and stand before him? 3 Day and night I have only tears for food, while my enemies continually taunt me, saying, “Where is this God of yours?”
4 My heart is breaking as I remember how it used to be: I walked among the crowds of worshipers, leading a great procession to the house of God, singing for joy and giving thanks amid the sound of a great celebration!
5 Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again— my Savior and
6 my God!
Now I am deeply discouraged, but I will remember you— even from distant Mount Hermon, the source of the Jordan, from the land of Mount Mizar. 7 I hear the tumult of the raging seas as your waves and surging tides sweep over me. 8 But each day the Lord pours his unfailing love upon me, and through each night I sing his songs, praying to God who gives me life.
9 “O God my rock,” I cry, “Why have you forgotten me? Why must I wander around in grief, oppressed by my enemies?” 10 Their taunts break my bones. They scoff, “Where is this God of yours?”
11 Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again— my Savior and my God!
Ooooh, verses 9-11, I have *felt* these things so deeply. Logically, I know that God is my rock but I have been so heart by circumstances that His presence was not felt. I know it isn’t He who turned His head. It was me turning away. I was so deceived into looking at these horrific and scary events that I could not look past them into His eyes.
In times like these, for me, it is so important that you place people in your life that can see past all of that. Those warriors that will hold your arms up when you do not have the strength.
Thankfully, I have these people. They hurt me and they encourage me. I do not hear “well, you have sinned and this is the result” or “you know better than to think/say that.” All I get is fervent prayers until I am lifted out of that miry clay. Hope.
The Lord detests the use of dishonest scales, but he delights in accurate weights.
2 Pride leads to disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.
3 Honesty guides good people; dishonesty destroys treacherous people.
4 Riches won’t help on the day of judgment, but right living can save you from death.
5 The godly are directed by honesty; the wicked fall beneath their load of sin.
6 The godliness of good people rescues them; the ambition of treacherous people traps them.
7 When the wicked die, their hopes die with them, for they rely on their own feeble strength.
8 The godly are rescued from trouble, and it falls on the wicked instead.
9 With their words, the godless destroy their friends, but knowledge will rescue the righteous.
We are dealing with a pride issue, dishonesty, “rich” people, and people who rely on their own strength. There is an issue that is so hurtful to one of my children that it is hard to see the pain in their eyes.
As we were talking about things last night, my son was repeating what he told this kid. “I’m going to wipe the floor with you. I am so much better than you are in basketball, I will show you.” Those types of comments. Not bad, but not a good representation of who my son is in Christ.
Frankly, he is fed up with this kid.
He is bullied, made fun of, demeaned, embarrassed by the things this kid says. What I’m trying to impart on my son is that when he trash talks this kid, he is stooping to his level. My son now becomes a face in the crowd instead of a city on a hill.
We have done role-playing on how he can better and effectively deal with this kid. If it gets any worse, Bart and I will have to get involved. I’m trying to see if my son can handle this on his own without losing himself.
Parenting is hard.
10 The whole city celebrates when the godly succeed;
they shout for joy when the wicked die.
11 Upright citizens are good for a city and make it prosper, but the talk of the wicked tears it apart.
12 It is foolish to belittle one’s neighbor; a sensible person keeps quiet.
13 A gossip goes around telling secrets, but those who are trustworthy can keep a confidence.
14 Without wise leadership, a nation falls; there is safety in having many advisers.
15 There’s danger in putting up security for a stranger’s debt; it’s safer not to guarantee another person’s debt.
16 A gracious woman gains respect, but ruthless men gain only wealth.
17 Your kindness will reward you, but your cruelty will destroy you.
18 Evil people get rich for the moment, but the reward of the godly will last.
19 Godly people find life; evil people find death.
20 The Lord detests people with crooked hearts, but he delights in those with integrity.
Awe, there it is. The word “integrity.” Integrity means “the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness.” That is what I try to teach my kids. Be a man (or woman) of integrity! The Lord delights in that!
21 Evil people will surely be punished, but the children of the godly will go free.
22 A beautiful woman who lacks discretion is like a gold ring in a pig’s snout.
23 The godly can look forward to a reward, while the wicked can expect only judgment.
24 Give freely and become more wealthy; be stingy and lose everything.
25 The generous will prosper; those who refresh others will themselves be refreshed.
26 People curse those who hoard their grain, but they bless the one who sells in time of need.
27 If you search for good, you will find favor; but if you search for evil, it will find you!
28 Trust in your money and down you go! But the godly flourish like leaves in spring.
29 Those who bring trouble on their families inherit the wind. The fool will be a servant to the wise.
30 The seeds of good deeds become a tree of life; a wise person wins friends.
31 If the righteous are rewarded here on earth, what will happen to wicked sinners?
Here are my personal thoughts on Psalm 35 & Proverbs 4. Again, the Holy Spirit reveals different things to different people. This is solely my interpretation!
1 O Lord, oppose those who oppose me. Fight those who fight against me. 2 Put on your armor, and take up your shield. Prepare for battle, and come to my aid. 3 Lift up your spear and javelin against those who pursue me. Let me hear you say, “I will give you victory!” 4 Bring shame and disgrace on those trying to kill me; turn them back and humiliate those who want to harm me. 5 Blow them away like chaff in the wind— a wind sent by the angel of the Lord.
These verses, to me, go back to Exodus 14:14. “The Lord will fight your battle, you simply have to be silent.” I do not believe, as a child of His, that He will leave me to fend for myself. However, I have to talk to Him. Communicate. Though I know that He knows my thoughts and my beginning from my end, I still need to communicate.
The Lord delights in us seeking His face. Just as my father and mother delight in me talking to them about all the things. It is easier to seek His face when things are bad. When we are scared or uncertain. Yet, that is not the only time to do so. Remember, to praise Him in the good, as well!
6 Make their path dark and slippery, with the angel of the Lord pursuing them. 7 I did them no wrong, but they laid a trap for me. I did them no wrong, but they dug a pit to catch me. 8 So let sudden ruin come upon them! Let them be caught in the trap they set for me! Let them be destroyed in the pit they dug for me.
9 Then I will rejoice in the Lord. I will be glad because he rescues me. 10 With every bone in my body I will praise him: “Lord, who can compare with you? Who else rescues the helpless from the strong? Who else protects the helpless and poor from those who rob them?”
As the last 2 weeks are still ever-present in my mind and heart, I see verse 10 in a different view. I know that He is the protector of the weak. Nothing does compare to Him. I get that and I have seen that first hand in my life.
The last 2 weeks, though, I have had to be Jesus with skin on. As my child has been bullied by adults (pause on that phrase), this has become clear to me. I have sought His face in all the things. My son has sought to me (and his dad) in all the things. I feel like I’m not making sense. Hmmm…
In his (my son’s) time of accusation and trouble, he has talked to us and answered all our questions. In his youth, he is looking to his parents to fight for him. Advocate. Believe him. We are inadequate. Because of that inadequacy, we have taken his plight, words, questions and we have presented them to our Father.
He has been faithful and I see the full circle of what that verse means, to me.
11 Malicious witnesses testify against me. They accuse me of crimes I know nothing about. 12 They repay me evil for good. I am sick with despair. 13 Yet when they were ill, I grieved for them. I denied myself by fasting for them, but my prayers returned unanswered. 14 I was sad, as though they were my friends or family, as if I were grieving for my own mother. 15 But they are glad now that I am in trouble; they gleefully join together against me. I am attacked by people I don’t even know; they slander me constantly.
As if this does not directly talk about the bullying and accusations that have happened the last 2 weeks with a child. Bullying is wrong. It is wrong for parents to do it to children. Also, it is wrong for kids to do it to kids. However, our instance is authorities bullying kids and me! The light was shone all over that mess!
16 They mock me and call me names; they snarl at me.
17 How long, O Lord, will you look on and do nothing? Rescue me from their fierce attacks. Protect my life from these lions! 18 Then I will thank you in front of the great assembly. I will praise you before all the people. 19 Don’t let my treacherous enemies rejoice over my defeat. Don’t let those who hate me without cause gloat over my sorrow. 20 They don’t talk of peace; they plot against innocent people who mind their own business.
21 They shout, “Aha! Aha! With our own eyes we saw him do it!”
22 O Lord, you know all about this. Do not stay silent. Do not abandon me now, O Lord. 23 Wake up! Rise to my defense! Take up my case, my God and my Lord. 24 Declare me not guilty, O Lord my God, for you give justice. Don’t let my enemies laugh about me in my troubles. 25 Don’t let them say, “Look, we got what we wanted! Now we will eat him alive!”
26 May those who rejoice at my troubles be humiliated and disgraced. May those who triumph over me be covered with shame and dishonor. 27 But give great joy to those who came to my defense. Let them continually say, “Great is the Lord, who delights in blessing his servant with peace!” 28 Then I will proclaim your justice, and I will praise you all day long.
Wow, verse 1 was actually said to us in regards to our situation. Yet, upon further questions and investigations…that person was not even in the room with the “incident” that happened.
The Lord did not stay silent. Praises to Him that He fought for us!
My children, listen when your father corrects you. Pay attention and learn good judgment, 2 for I am giving you good guidance. Don’t turn away from my instructions. 3 For I, too, was once my father’s son, tenderly loved as my mother’s only child.
4 My father taught me, “Take my words to heart. Follow my commands, and you will live. 5 Get wisdom; develop good judgment. Don’t forget my words or turn away from them.
Good grief…Jesus had every intention of me beginning my Scripture journey at this point and time. Even when I think I have not stored up His Word in my heart, He proves me wrong.
These words, I said verbatim, to my child just last night! Why does that make me feel like my inner lion is roaring (see previous thoughts of Scripture for that phrase)? I feel like the Holy Spirit is saying that He has penetrated my soul and I am His. Oh, may I always speak Scripture, in love, that is embedded in my heart?
6 Don’t turn your back on wisdom, for she will protect you. Love her, and she will guard you. 7 Getting wisdom is the wisest thing you can do! And whatever else you do, develop good judgment. 8 If you prize wisdom, she will make you great. Embrace her, and she will honor you. 9 She will place a lovely wreath on your head; she will present you with a beautiful crown.”
10 My child, listen to me and do as I say, and you will have a long, good life.
Wisdom means “the quality of having experience, knowledge, and good judgment; the quality of being wise.”
Judgment means “the ability to make considered decisions or come to sensible conclusions.”
11 I will teach you wisdom’s ways and lead you in straight paths. 12 When you walk, you won’t be held back; when you run, you won’t stumble. 13 Take hold of my instructions; don’t let them go. Guard them, for they are the key to life.
14 Don’t do as the wicked do, and don’t follow the path of evildoers. 15 Don’t even think about it; don’t go that way. Turn away and keep moving.
Totally sending this entire set of Scripture to my daughter. This is the poem that goes through my mind as I read this section.
16 For evil people can’t sleep until they’ve done their evil deed for the day. They can’t rest until they’ve caused someone to stumble. 17 They eat the food of wickedness and drink the wine of violence!
18 The way of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn, which shines ever brighter until the full light of day. 19 But the way of the wicked is like total darkness. They have no idea what they are stumbling over.
20 My child, pay attention to what I say. Listen carefully to my words.
21 Don’t lose sight of them. Let them penetrate deep into your heart, 22 for they bring life to those who find them, and healing to their whole body.
23 Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.
24 Avoid all perverse talk; stay away from corrupt speech.
25 Look straight ahead, and fix your eyes on what lies before you. 26 Mark out a straight path for your feet; stay on the safe path. 27 Don’t get sidetracked; keep your feet from following evil.
Here it is again! Let it penetrate deep into your heart! Gracious how I love these verses. I pray that I can follow His instructions!
Reviewing Psalm 34 & Proverbs 3. Maybe next go around, I will just type out the notes from previous years. I do take copious amounts of notes in my Bible. That would be fun to see. Maybe I should dig out my old Bible that I have “loved” so well!
A psalm of David, regarding the time he pretended to be insane in front of Abimelech, who sent him away.
1 I will praise the Lord at all times. I will constantly speak his praises. 2 I will boast only in the Lord; let all who are helpless take heart. 3 Come, let us tell of the Lord’s greatness; let us exalt his name together.
4 I prayed to the Lord, and he answered me. He freed me from all my fears. 5 Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy; no shadow of shame will darken their faces.
Verse 4 will be the prayer that I pray until the issue we are facing is resolved. Oh, my heart *was* full of fear. Yet, fear is a liar! God is not the author of confusion or fear. Regardless of the results/outcome, it will be okay.
6 In my desperation I prayed, and the Lord listened; he saved me from all my troubles. 7 For the angel of the Lord is a guard; he surrounds and defends all who fear him.
8 Taste and see that the Lord is good. Oh, the joys of those who take refuge in him! 9 Fear the Lord, you his godly people, for those who fear him will have all they need. 10 Even strong young lions sometimes go hungry, but those who trust in the Lord will lack no good thing.
Wow. Again, this is telling me that He is listening! He has already saved me from my troubles. He is “on guard” for me. I have all that I need. How glorious is that?
11 Come, my children, and listen to me, and I will teach you to fear the Lord. 12 Does anyone want to live a life that is long and prosperous? 13 Then keep your tongue from speaking evil and your lips from telling lies! 14 Turn away from evil and do good. Search for peace, and work to maintain it.
15 The eyes of the Lord watch over those who do right; his ears are open to their cries for help.
Sigh. Keep my tongue from speaking evil. I have a temper. That is something most people know. I’ve tried really hard, over the years, to control my tongue. Sadly, I feel like I’ve failed more than I have succeeded. Nowadays, I’ve diverted to Big Daddy. He has never been one to get riled up by much. However, times are a-changing.
16 But the Lord turns his face against those who do evil; he will erase their memory from the earth. 17 The Lord hears his people when they call to him for help. He rescues them from all their troubles. 18 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.
19 The righteous person faces many troubles, but the Lord comes to the rescue each time. 20 For the Lord protects the bones of the righteous; not one of them is broken!
21 Calamity will surely destroy the wicked, and those who hate the righteous will be punished.
22 But the Lord will redeem those who serve him. No one who takes refuge in him will be condemned.
Yes. and Yes. I feel like it has been ordained that I focus on these Scriptures during this time in my life. He will rescue us!
Trusting in the Lord
1 My child, never forget the things I have taught you. Store my commands in your heart. 2 If you do this, you will live many years, and your life will be satisfying. 3 Never let loyalty and kindness leave you! Tie them around your neck as a reminder. Write them deep within your heart. 4 Then you will find favor with both God and people, and you will earn a good reputation.
5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding.
Verse 5 is such a beautiful verse. This is one that is quoted quite a bit. People stencil this sucker on tapestries LOL. Yet, it speaks volumes. Trust. That is a word I do not like very much. I struggle, deeply, in that department. It hurts that I choose to not trust, completely, Jesus. I know he is worthy and He has done nothing but that free-will thing. It is a real thing.
He knows my heart. The fact that I love Him and that I know that He is mine and I am His. I believe that with everything, but when the rubber meets the road, where do I stand. In my heart, I know all the things. The Scripture is written on my heart.
Now, to walk that out. Completely and totally.
6 Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.
7 Don’t be impressed with your own wisdom. Instead, fear the Lord and turn away from evil. 8 Then you will have healing for your body and strength for your bones.
9 Honor the Lord with your wealth and with the best part of everything you produce. 10 Then he will fill your barns with grain, and your vats will overflow with good wine.
I was telling someone the other that that I have put many things in motion. Yet, I don’t know which path to take. Like, I literally said those words. Here I am, two weeks after saying that and I read verse 6. Seek His will…He will show you which path to take.
11 My child, don’t reject the Lord’s discipline,
and don’t be upset when he corrects you. 12 For the Lord corrects those he loves, just as a father corrects a child in whom he delights.[b]
13 Joyful is the person who finds wisdom, the one who gains understanding. 14 For wisdom is more profitable than silver, and her wages are better than gold. 15 Wisdom is more precious than rubies; nothing you desire can compare with her.
I tell my kids often, that I may not know when they have lied or done something wrong. However, the Lord is always there. He sees and hears it all. Honestly, it says that He knows the words on our tongue before we speak them. Also, He knows the thoughts in our heads before we think them.
Oh, be careful little eyes what you see. Be careful little ears what you hear. For the Father up above is looking down in love. Oh, be careful little eyes (and ears). He is always watching. His discipline can be far more painful than any physical discipline that I could ever think of.
16 She offers you long life in her right hand, and riches and honor in her left. 17 She will guide you down delightful paths; all her ways are satisfying. 18 Wisdom is a tree of life to those who embrace her; happy are those who hold her tightly.
19 By wisdom the Lord founded the earth; by understanding he created the heavens. 20 By his knowledge the deep fountains of the earth burst forth, and the dew settles beneath the night sky.
May I (and you) be as wise as Solomon, yet humble.
21 My child, don’t lose sight of common sense and discernment. Hang on to them, 22 for they will refresh your soul. They are like jewels on a necklace.
23 They keep you safe on your way, and your feet will not stumble. 24 You can go to bed without fear; you will lie down and sleep soundly. 25 You need not be afraid of sudden disaster or the destruction that comes upon the wicked,
Oh, these verses permeate me as I sleep. That is what I need, common sense and discernment in certain areas of my life. Go to bed without fear…lie down…sleep soundly. That sounds like bliss.
26 for the Lord is your security. He will keep your foot from being caught in a trap.
27 Do not withhold good from those who deserve it when it’s in your power to help them. 28 If you can help your neighbor now, don’t say, “Come back tomorrow, and then I’ll help you.”
29 Don’t plot harm against your neighbor, for those who live nearby trust you.
30 Don’t pick a fight without reason, when no one has done you harm.
31 Don’t envy violent people or copy their ways.
32 Such wicked people are detestable to the Lord, but he offers his friendship to the godly.
33 The Lord curses the house of the wicked, but he blesses the home of the upright.
34 The Lord mocks the mockers but is gracious to the humble.
35 The wise inherit honor, but fools are put to shame!
Here we are at Psalm 33 & Proverbs 2. I hope you are enjoying this as much as I am. If you aren’t, this is a great thing for me to look back on. Every time I read through Scripture, something new speaks to me. Over the years, the same Scripture can mean something different. It is nice to look back on this and see where I was at one point in my life.
1 Let the godly sing for joy to the Lord; it is fitting for the pure to praise him. 2 Praise the Lord with melodies on the lyre; make music for him on the ten-stringed harp. 3 Sing a new song of praise to him; play skillfully on the harp, and sing with joy. 4 For the word of the Lord holds true, and we can trust everything he does. 5 He loves whatever is just and good; the unfailing love of the Lord fills the earth.
Trust. That is tricky for me. I do not trust people. There are times when I do not trust myself. Honestly, there have been times when I did not trust the Sovereignty of the Lord. I mean, why lie?
Anger has consumed me to a point where the Lord and I were not on speaking terms. Moments where there was a lot of yelling going on (mainly by me). At that moment, I realized that, though He is perfect and Holy…I needed to forgive Him. I simply couldn’t move forward.
In my head and heart, I know that He is did nothing that needed to be forgiven. I know that. Yet, in order for me to heal, that is what needed to happen. When it did, I felt like 100 elephants were lifted off my shoulders. I could breathe again.
6 The Lord merely spoke, and the heavens were created. He breathed the word, and all the stars were born. 7 He assigned the sea its boundaries and locked the oceans in vast reservoirs. 8 Let the whole world fear the Lord, and let everyone stand in awe of him. 9 For when he spoke, the world began! It appeared at his command.
10 The Lord frustrates the plans of the nations and thwarts all their schemes.
How awesome and mighty is He? My mind cannot even comprehend.
11 But the Lord’s plans stand firm forever; his intentions can never be shaken.
12 What joy for the nation whose God is the Lord, whose people he has chosen as his inheritance.
13 The Lord looks down from heaven and sees the whole human race. 14 From his throne he observes all who live on the earth. 15 He made their hearts, so he understands everything they do.
Verse 15 goes back to those first few verses. He knew my heart. The pain that I was in due to circumstances that were beyond my control. Free-will. It’s not a fun thing but we are human and that free-will will never be taken from us.
God will ABSOLUTELY put more on us than we can handle. Do you wanna know why? Because if we could handle it, we would not be in need of a Savior. It grows our trust and faith in Him. Refines us to look more like Jesus as we seek Him for our every need.
16 The best-equipped army cannot save a king, nor is great strength enough to save a warrior. 17 Don’t count on your warhorse to give you victory— for all its strength, it cannot save you.
18 But the Lord watches over those who fear him, those who rely on his unfailing love. 19 He rescues them from death and keeps them alive in times of famine.
20 We put our hope in the Lord. He is our help and our shield. 21 In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. 22 Let your unfailing love surround us, Lord, for our hope is in you alone.
Hope…it is the tie that binds.
The Benefits of Wisdom
1 My child, listen to what I say, and treasure my commands. 2 Tune your ears to wisdom, and concentrate on understanding. 3 Cry out for insight, and ask for understanding. 4 Search for them as you would for silver; seek them like hidden treasures. 5 Then you will understand what it means to fear the Lord, and you will gain knowledge of God.
Oh, how I have been trying to tune my ears to wisdom. I am crying out for discernment in the issues that are facing our family right now. Trust. I will choose to trust in Him. He has the perfect provision in mind and in place for the issues that face us this coming week.
God is bigger.
6 For the Lord grants wisdom! From his mouth come knowledge and understanding. 7 He grants a treasure of common sense to the honest. He is a shield to those who walk with integrity. 8 He guards the paths of the just and protects those who are faithful to him.
9 Then you will understand what is right, just, and fair, and you will find the right way to go. 10 For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will fill you with joy.
What peace this instills. He will grant us wisdom in this particular situation. We will have knowledge and understanding. He is our shield and he guards our path. The Lord will fight our battles. We will know what is right, just, and fair. No longer do I have to be concerned with which way to go because He has the right path already paved.
11 Wise choices will watch over you. Understanding will keep you safe.
12 Wisdom will save you from evil people, from those whose words are twisted. 13 These men turn from the right way to walk down dark paths. 14 They take pleasure in doing wrong, and they enjoy the twisted ways of evil. 15 Their actions are crooked, and their ways are wrong.
Oh, how I wish I could fully divulge what is going on in our family. This passage speaks VOLUMES to who we are dealing with and what is going to happen.
16 Wisdom will save you from the immoral woman, from the seductive words of the promiscuous woman. 17 She has abandoned her husband and ignores the covenant she made before God. 18 Entering her house leads to death; it is the road to the grave. 19 The man who visits her is doomed. He will never reach the paths of life.
20 So follow the steps of the good, and stay on the paths of the righteous. 21 For only the godly will live in the land, and those with integrity will remain in it. 22 But the wicked will be removed from the land, and the treacherous will be uprooted.
Here we are, the beginning of the month. We are continuing on with Psalm 32 & Proverbs 1. I will continue on with Psalm and move to Proverbs 1. When I get to Proverbs 25, I will stop because I will have completed that book. So, after that, I will continue with Psalm (splitting up some of the longer passages) and moving onto a different book when Proverbs is finished.
A psalm of David.
1 Oh, what joy for those whose disobedience is forgiven, whose sin is put out of sight! 2 Yes, what joy for those whose record the Lord has cleared of guilt, whose lives are lived in complete honesty! 3 When I refused to confess my sin, my body wasted away, and I groaned all day long. 4 Day and night your hand of discipline was heavy on me. My strength evaporated like water in the summer heat.
5 Finally, I confessed all my sins to you and stopped trying to hide my guilt. I said to myself, “I will confess my rebellion to the Lord.” And you forgave me! All my guilt is gone.
Verse 1. Amen and amen! The Lord casts are sins as far as from the east to the west for those that are His children. What a glorious promise. At the end of the day, all darkness will have Light shone on it. You cannot hide your sin from Christ. He is there when you are committing it!
Even when we are alone and no one will ever know…He knows. Also, He sees. Lastly, He is there and His Spirit is grieved for the “free-will” choices that we make. Listen to the gentle voice that says “stop.”
6 Therefore, let all the godly pray to you while there is still time, that they may not drown in the floodwaters of judgment. 7 For you are my hiding place; you protect me from trouble. You surround me with songs of victory.
8 The Lord says, “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you. 9 Do not be like a senseless horse or mule that needs a bit and bridle to keep it under control.”
10 Many sorrows come to the wicked, but unfailing love surrounds those who trust the Lord. 11 So rejoice in the Lord and be glad, all you who obey him! Shout for joy, all you whose hearts are pure!
I love these verses. So simple yet so profound. He is our hiding place. The narrow path he gave us is shrouded with trees of protection. He keeps us safe. Though we stumble and fall…He is there to pick us up, dust us off, and hold our hand. Repent. Turn away. Give thanks in all circumstances!
The Purpose of Proverbs
1 These are the proverbs of Solomon, David’s son, king of Israel.
2 Their purpose is to teach people wisdom and discipline, to help them understand the insights of the wise. 3 Their purpose is to teach people to live disciplined and successful lives, to help them do what is right, just, and fair. 4 These proverbs will give insight to the simple, knowledge and discernment to the young.
5 Let the wise listen to these proverbs and become even wiser. Let those with understanding receive guidance 6 by exploring the meaning in these proverbs and parables, the words of the wise and their riddles.
7 Fear of the Lord is the foundation of true knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline.
Well…that is self-explanatory now isn’t it LOL
A Father’s Exhortation: Acquire Wisdom
8 My child, listen when your father corrects you. Don’t neglect your mother’s instruction. 9 What you learn from them will crown you with grace and be a chain of honor around your neck.
10 My child, if sinners entice you, turn your back on them! 11 They may say, “Come and join us. Let’s hide and kill someone! Just for fun, let’s ambush the innocent! 12 Let’s swallow them alive, like the grave; let’s swallow them whole, like those who go down to the pit of death.
Oh, how I wish that my kids would tattoo verse 8 on their foreheads. Having said that, I’m sure my parents wish it was tattooed on my forehead when I was younger too! Wisdom does come with age, only when you are rooted deep in the Word. The Word imparts on you that wisdom that we all so desperately need to survive.
I was telling one of my children today that had this child listened to wisdom, money would not have been wasted. Yet, in her immature way, she was impatient. How many times have I not listened to my parents? I shiver at the thought of how much I could have avoided had I listened to the wisdom of my Oak.
13 Think of the great things we’ll get! We’ll fill our houses with all the stuff we take. 14 Come, throw in your lot with us; we’ll all share the loot.”
15 My child, don’t go along with them! Stay far away from their paths. 16 They rush to commit evil deeds. They hurry to commit murder. 17 If a bird sees a trap being set, it knows to stay away. 18 But these people set an ambush for themselves; they are trying to get themselves killed. 19 Such is the fate of all who are greedy for money; it robs them of life.
Starting back at verses 9-14, this is the wide road that so many of us travel down. That road is filled with all the things. The appearance of money, fame, health, all things shiny and good. It is so enticing to see all of that.
What we don’t see is thought it looks as if it is paved with gold, once you step foot on it, it turns your body green. That fakeness of life. The enticement ends up costing us more than what we had bargained.
Be wise. Listen to wise counsel. Ask for advice from trusted people. I cannot strive this thought enough.
Wisdom Shouts in the Streets
20 Wisdom shouts in the streets. She cries out in the public square. 21 She calls to the crowds along the main street, to those gathered in front of the city gate: 22 “How long, you simpletons, will you insist on being simpleminded? How long will you mockers relish your mocking? How long will you fools hate knowledge? 23 Come and listen to my counsel. I’ll share my heart with you and make you wise.
24 “I called you so often, but you wouldn’t come. I reached out to you, but you paid no attention.
Listen, children of mine!!!!!! “Come and listen to my counsel. I’ll share my heart with you and make you wise. I called you so often, but you wouldn’t come. Also, I reached out to you, but you paid no attention.”
Literally, I ache at that. Those verses are screaming at me, tonight. There are people that I seek counsel from. Not many, but the few that I have, I absorb what they say. My mentor, my best friend Ms. Jo was one of those people. She opened her mouth and you sat and listened.
Now, on the other side of youth, I talk to my parents, my sisters. I have a dear friend that I feel safe enough to bounce things off of when I need to. After years of searching, I have a pastor that is also a friend. I do not hesitate to call or text him or his wife when I am in need.
Find your people. Get a mentor. Limit yourself though. Make sure they are not wolves in sheep’s clothing. When you do, you will not regret it.
25 You ignored my advice and rejected the correction I offered. 26 So I will laugh when you are in trouble! I will mock you when disaster overtakes you— 27 when calamity overtakes you like a storm, when disaster engulfs you like a cyclone, and anguish and distress overwhelm you.
28 “When they cry for help, I will not answer. Though they anxiously search for me, they will not find me. 29 For they hated knowledge and chose not to fear the Lord. 30 They rejected my advice and paid no attention when I corrected them. 31 Therefore, they must eat the bitter fruit of living their own way, choking on their own schemes. 32 For simpletons turn away from me—to death. Fools are destroyed by their own complacency. 33 But all who listen to me will live in peace, untroubled by fear of harm.”
Hahahaha….verse 25. Uhm, yes. Yes, I did. I ignored a lot. My children ignore me a lot. However, I do not laugh or mock them when disaster overtakes them. Honestly, my statement is you make the choices. Whether they (or I) seek counsel, there are natural consequences to every choice made. Some are good consequences. Sadly, some are bad. God always loves, yet there are still consequences to good/bad choices.
My children (and I) have found that those natural bad consequences are worse than any punishment I could ever give them or myself. I pray that we all learn from them. Repent. Turn away. Do better. Seek wisdom. The more we seek it, the more wisdom we store up for later use!
Here is my interpretation of Psalm 31 & Proverbs 31. Proverbs 31 is a very popular passage that is quoted so very much. I hear a lot, how women “strive” to be the Proverbs 31 woman. Trials, here on Earth, are to continually refine us to look more like Jesus. However, we will not be complete in that transformation until we enter the gates of Heaven.
For the choir director: A psalm of David.
1 O Lord, I have come to you for protection; don’t let me be disgraced. Save me, for you do what is right. 2 Turn your ear to listen to me; rescue me quickly. Be my rock of protection, a fortress where I will be safe. 3 You are my rock and my fortress. For the honor of your name, lead me out of this danger. 4 Pull me from the trap my enemies set for me, for I find protection in you alone. 5 I entrust my spirit into your hand. Rescue me, Lord, for you are a faithful God.
Oh my goodness. This first set of Scripture is directly speaking to the issues we have faced last week and what is coming up this week. We are in the direct fire of enemies. The Lord will be glorified through it all. He is my Rock and my Fortress. He will take this situation, shine Light on it, and we will be protected. Pray for us, this week…Big Daddy, me…more importantly, a couple of my children.
6 I hate those who worship worthless idols. I trust in the Lord. 7 I will be glad and rejoice in your unfailing love, for you have seen my troubles, and you care about the anguish of my soul. 8 You have not handed me over to my enemies but have set me in a safe place.
9 Have mercy on me, Lord, for I am in distress. Tears blur my eyes. My body and soul are withering away. 10 I am dying from grief; my years are shortened by sadness. Sin has drained my strength; I am wasting away from within.
Wow. Just wow. How faithful is He that He would allow me to read His Word and it is directly related to a current issue? Tears have blurred my eyes..grief is abundant. Yet, He sees my troubles and I am to rejoice! He will not hand me or this issue over to be eaten by those wolves. May He be glorified.
11 I am scorned by all my enemies and despised by my neighbors— even my friends are afraid to come near me. When they see me on the street, they run the other way. 12 I am ignored as if I were dead, as if I were a broken pot. 13 I have heard the many rumors about me, and I am surrounded by terror. My enemies conspire against me, plotting to take my life.
14 But I am trusting you, O Lord, saying, “You are my God!” 15 My future is in your hands. Rescue me from those who hunt me down relentlessly.
This set speaks to one of my sons. He is being targeted and bullied by children and “authorities”. I am going to have him read these verses to give him comfort. He needs to trust that his voice will be heard. His Earthly father and mother and his Heavenly Father will be his voice. Please pray for him.
16 Let your favor shine on your servant. In your unfailing love, rescue me. 17 Don’t let me be disgraced, O Lord, for I call out to you for help. Let the wicked be disgraced; let them lie silent in the grave. 18 Silence their lying lips— those proud and arrogant lips that accuse the godly.
19 How great is the goodness you have stored up for those who fear you. You lavish it on those who come to you for protection, blessing them before the watching world. 20 You hide them in the shelter of your presence, safe from those who conspire against them. You shelter them in your presence, far from accusing tongues.
Verse 18: Uhm, yes, please. This. This will be our prayer before we walk into the lion’s den. All of this. Just yes.
21 Praise the Lord, for he has shown me the wonders of his unfailing love. He kept me safe when my city was under attack. 22 In panic I cried out, “I am cut off from the Lord!” But you heard my cry for mercy and answered my call for help.
23 Love the Lord, all you godly ones! For the Lord protects those who are loyal to him, but he harshly punishes the arrogant. 24 So be strong and courageous, all you who put your hope in the Lord!
He will redeem us! I pray that truth, regardless of what it is, reigns. That we are humble in resolution and forgiving for those who have hurt him. I will not let the fear of “is he telling the truth or him telling the truth or is that one telling the truth.” Fear is a liar. I pray for clarity, discernment, and concrete evidence. In that, my hope is that my son is remembering things correctly and there is evidence to prove that. Bullies are not just kid on kid. Adults can abuse their authority and bully, as well.
The Sayings of King Lemuel
1 The sayings of King Lemuel contain this message, which his mother taught him.
2 O my son, O son of my womb, O son of my vows, 3 do not waste your strength on women, on those who ruin kings.
4 It is not for kings, O Lemuel, to guzzle wine. Rulers should not crave alcohol. 5 For if they drink, they may forget the law and not give justice to the oppressed. 6 Alcohol is for the dying, and wine for those in bitter distress. 7 Let them drink to forget their poverty and remember their troubles no more.
8 Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves; ensure justice for those being crushed. 9 Yes, speak up for the poor and helpless, and see that they get justice.
This passage, to me, solidifies that it is not wise for me to drink. Now, I’m not saying if you do drink or have a glass of wine that you are doomed to hell. I don’t believe that either. Everything done should be done in moderation. That is between you and Jesus. I have zero desire to look in the speck in someone else’s eye.
For me, addiction is quite literally in my genes. Alcohol is at the forefront of that. I have seen the devastation and sadness an excess of alcohol can do to a person and a family. Thankfully, I know myself well enough to know that I need to use great wisdom in that area, so just stay away from it.
I have such a passion for speaking up for those who cannot find their voices or who don’t have a voice. The foster care system is something that is close to my heart. For a period of time, I was a CASA worker.
I love the fact that these (mostly) volunteers are just that. The voices of the children. Speak up for these kids, they need to be heard in a safe manner. There are so many other organizations. In our community, we have the Merryman House that is the voice for domestic violence. It is such a blessing to turn outward and to help others in need.
A Wife of Noble Character
10 Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is more precious than rubies. 11 Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. 12 She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.
13 She finds wool and flax and busily spins it. 14 She is like a merchant’s ship, bringing her food from afar. 15 She gets up before dawn to prepare breakfast for her household and plan the day’s work for her servant girls.
16 She goes to inspect a field and buys it; with her earnings she plants a vineyard. 17 She is energetic and strong, a hard worker. 18 She makes sure her dealings are profitable; her lamp burns late into the night.
19 Her hands are busy spinning thread, her fingers twisting fiber. 20 She extends a helping hand to the poor and opens her arms to the needy. 21 She has no fear of winter for her household, for everyone has warm clothes.
22 She makes her own bedspreads. She dresses in fine linen and purple gowns. 23 Her husband is well known at the city gates, where he sits with the other civic leaders. 24 She makes belted linen garments and sashes to sell to the merchants.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future. 26 When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness. 27 She carefully watches everything in her household and suffers nothing from laziness.
28 Her children stand and bless her. Her husband praises her: 29 “There are many virtuous and capable women in the world, but you surpass them all!”
In the End
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised. 31 Reward her for all she has done. Let her deeds publicly declare her praise.
Again…this is what most women aspire to be. These verses are self-explanatory, in my opinion. She works hard. Loves her husband and children. She is wise with money, is not lazy, and does not do idleness.
Here are my thoughts on the verses Psalm 30 & Proverbs 30. Today, I had to grab my little Bible and read while I was waiting to pick up the kids. It has been an emotionally charged day.
A friend went to be with the Lord. Such a bright light in a dark world. This woman is the parent I want to be. She never said anything other than praises for her son. When his name was mentioned she would say “Oh, he is WONDERFUL.”
Frannie…you were loved, a bright light, and an inspiration to others. She will be missed.
A psalm of David. A song for the dedication of the Temple.
1 I will exalt you, Lord, for you rescued me. You refused to let my enemies triumph over me. 2 O Lord my God, I cried to you for help, and you restored my health. 3 You brought me up from the grave, O Lord. You kept me from falling into the pit of death.
4 Sing to the Lord, all you godly ones!
Praise his holy name. 5 For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime! Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning.
6 When I was prosperous, I said, “Nothing can stop me now!”
Verse 6 sticks in my throat. I remember coming home from Ethiopia in October 2010. Jet lag was a thing man…. Was. A. Thing. We were scheduling our flight in December 2010 to go and pick him up. The first trip was to formally adopt him in ET. Then, the second trip was to bring him home.
A few days after we returned home, I went to the mailbox. I’m not even sure we had completely unpacked. The letter I got sent me to my knees in the driveway. It was the first, of three, denial letters.
The US was denying us our son. We were not going to be able to travel and our adoption was futile. People told us that we should just forget about him. Take the money as a loss. He would never remember us. It was over. The US said no. They would not change their minds about anything.
Transitions and Changes
We refused to give up. Though my depression sat on my chest with the heaviness of a herd of elephants, we were not going to leave our son there. I put the kids in school. Then, I got a full-time job. We hired an immigration attorney, the best in the US. All the paperwork was done…again. We got a new home study agency. Our plan, if nothing else worked, was for me to move to ET for 2 years with our kids. After that, he would be a US citizen and we would come home. Big Daddy would send us money.
During This Time
We prayed. I watched God move. The days I would drive 45 minutes to work, I would hear the song that talks about verse 6. It is always darkest before the dawn and JOY comes in the morning. Therefore, I would weep the whole way there.
But God. He saw my plight. My heart was broken. He was the only one we turned to. But God. Jude came home in December 2011. Right before Christmas. One day, I’ll write about it. Sadly, 8 years later, it is still too fresh.
Weeping may come in the night, but JOY comes in the morning.
7 Your favor, O Lord, made me as secure as a mountain. Then you turned away from me, and I was shattered.
8 I cried out to you, O Lord. I begged the Lord for mercy, saying, 9 “What will you gain if I die, if I sink into the grave? Can my dust praise you? Can it tell of your faithfulness? 10 Hear me, Lord, and have mercy on me. Help me, O Lord.”
11 You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing. You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy, 12 that I might sing praises to you and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever!
^^^^^Those verses…that is my journey with Jude. Every single verse. I felt He turned away from me. My depression overtook me. I cried while I slept and breathed. In short, I wanted to die. He heard me. Mercy was bestowed. My mourning turned into dancing. I will forever sing His praises.^^^^^
The Sayings of Agur
1 The sayings of Agur son of Jakeh contain this message. I am weary, O God; I am weary and worn out, O God.
2 I am too stupid to be human, and I lack common sense. 3 I have not mastered human wisdom, nor do I know the Holy One.
4 Who but God goes up to heaven and comes back down? (And) Who holds the wind in his fists? Who wraps up the oceans in his cloak? (And) Who has created the whole wide world? What is his name—and his son’s name? Tell me if you know!
5 Every word of God proves true. He is a shield to all who come to him for protection.
I love these verses. Interestingly enough, here Agur says that he is tired. Worn out. Stupid. Sadly, lacking common sense. No wisdom. To begin with, how many times have I felt like that (ie today)? It was very clear that I am not God. He is the only one who has gone to heaven and back to Earth. How mighty he is to hold the wind in his fists? Wraps that ocean in a cloak…I can’t even wrap my mind around that.
6 Do not add to his words, or he may rebuke you and expose you as a liar.
7 O God, I beg two favors from you; let me have them before I die. 8 First, help me never to tell a lie. Second, give me neither poverty nor riches! Give me just enough to satisfy my needs. 9 For if I grow rich, I may deny you and say, “Who is the Lord?” And if I am too poor, I may steal and thus insult God’s holy name.
10 Never slander a worker to the employer, or the person will curse you, and you will pay for it.
Verse 8 screaming all of the YES LORD, YES! To summarize, just keep me honest. Just give me enough to satisfy my needs. Help me distinguish between needs and wants. Let me always praise Your Name!
11 Some people curse their father and do not thank their mother. 12 They are pure in their own eyes, but they are filthy and unwashed. 13 They look proudly around, casting disdainful glances. 14 They have teeth like swords and fangs like knives. (And) They devour the poor from the earth and the needy from among humanity.
15 The leech has two suckers that cry out, “More, more!” There are three things that are never satisfied—no, four that never say, “Enough!”:
16 the grave, the barren womb, the thirsty desert, the blazing fire.
Verses 11-14 need to be blazed all over my house. The issues that I face with a couple of my kids is exhausting. Then, I think of Frannie. Above all, her love for her Sam was one that I just want a fraction of. I know I love my kids. However, the way she loves him…it is in a different realm. God can make a change. These kids can thank their mother and their father! They will see the plank in their eyes instead of focusing on the speck in others.
17 The eye that mocks a father and despises a mother’s instructions will be plucked out by ravens of the valley and eaten by vultures.
18 There are three things that amaze me—no, four things that I don’t understand: 19 how an eagle glides through the sky, how a snake slithers on a rock, how a ship navigates the ocean, how a man loves a woman.
20 An adulterous woman consumes a man, then wipes her mouth and says, “What’s wrong with that?”
21 There are three things that make the earth tremble—no, four it cannot endure: 22 a slave who becomes a king, an overbearing fool who prospers, 23 a bitter woman who finally gets a husband, a servant girl who supplants her mistress.
24 There are four things on earth that are small but unusually wise: 25 Ants—they aren’t strong, but they store up food all summer. 26 Hyraxes—they aren’t powerful, but they make their homes among the rocks. 27 Locusts—they have no king, but they march in formation. 28 Lizards—they are easy to catch, but they are found even in kings’ palaces.
Honestly, this is pretty straightforward but also thought-provoking. For instance, ants, though small are strong. Hyraxes make their home high on rocks that most animals cannot get up. Then, there are the locusts who march. Finally, the lizards are quick and quiet. Maybe these are attributes that I need.
I need to be strong to not only talk about my faith but walk it out. Have the Lord place me in that Strong Tower and high up on the rocks. By the way, I march to the beat of Jesus. Be swift in all that I do and don’t brag.
29 There are three things that walk with stately stride—no, four that strut about: 30 the lion, king of animals, who won’t turn aside for anything, 31 the strutting rooster, the male goat, a king as he leads his army.
32 If you have been a fool by being proud or plotting evil, cover your mouth in shame.
33 As the beating of cream yields butter and striking the nose causes bleeding, so stirring up anger causes quarrels.
Here I am, almost midnight, the eve before 2 of my boys start middle school. I am Feeling all the Things and then some. Fear creeps in and then I hear my sister say “Fear is a Liar.”
There is so much I worry about.
Will Jude remember NOT to go through the metal detector? Then my thoughts swirl to “I cannot believe my children have to walk through a metal detector.” Will he lose his hearing aid? What if he doesn’t wear it? He may fall asleep during class…will he get in trouble? Did I tell all the teacher’s about his hearing and his sleep problems? Do I have all the things he will need to get started? Will he be bullied? What will he do if he is bullied?
Then there is Daniel
He is not like other kids. I know that he knows that but others don’t know that. They don’t know what he struggles with, internally that can manifest in strange ways externally. What if he can’t handle the class load because his brain works a couple of steps behind the “typical” kid brain. Will he be made fun of? What about testing, he doesn’t test well and needs more time. Will they know that? He eats a lot. What if he is still hungry and his brain slows further because he needs an extra protein or water?
On Friday, I send Hunter for his first day. I have loved, hovered, protected, fought for, rallied with, held up, spoon-fed, and more for the last 3 years. The last 2 years we have literally been to hell, knocked on the door, and then fought off demons with a water pistol.
What if he gets sick? Will that put him back in a wheelchair? What if he can’t sustain? Will kids make fun of him and bully him? What if he shakes so much he can’t do the things that he wants to do? If he gets lost in the hallway, falls in the toilet, rages, struggles…what then?
Peace or No Peace
The past month, I have had such peace with this decision. So ready. Theoretically. Now that it is here. I am an anxious ball of stress. Living on the edge of the mountain and looking down thinking…”It doesn’t seem so far…I’ll just jump.” I can’t sleep and my mind is going 1000 different places and all at the same time.
Knowing the Right People
I know a lot of people in the system. From the top dog to the bus drivers and that is all a good thing. They know my kids and my kids know them. I know that I am 5 minutes away from Hunter and about 8 away from the boys. There have been a lot of words spoken over the course of the week but for the life of me, I cannot remember a single conversation.
Homeschooling Has its Own Struggles
It is not all peas and carrots. I am strict, focused, and on it. The bar is set very high for my standards whether you are “special needs” or not. We aim high and do our best to get there by any means necessary. I feel accomplished in graduating 4 of my 7. Yet, there is guilt for not “finishing the race.”
That is Satan, whispering in my ear. I know this, deep down. Yet, I still turn my head as I hear that voice. It still penetrates me and makes me question all the things. I see all these “got it together” homeschooling mamas. Yet, I know. I know the struggles. I’ve lived it for 20 years. Secret time. I HATE teaching a kid to read. I’ve done it with 6 of my 7 but it is not something I enjoy.
I Miss My Lady
If she were here, I would drop the kids off and go to her house. We would sit at her kitchen table and talk about all the things. She would tell me that it was going to be fine. Then, she would line me out on listening to Satan instead of Jesus. Next, she would tell me the newest and latest sandwich at a particular restaurant and we would go and partake. Finally, she would make me cry and then nap in her green chair. I can play this all throughout my mind.
It Will All Be Okay
We will get into the flow. Pray for the best for Hunter. Hopefully, he will not get sick and flare-up. If I cry, that is okay. I know that at any point, I can change my mind and so can the boys. My plate has been overfilled for the last 5 yrs due to many many things. I know that I can take this time to heal, mourn, work on my health, and my passions.
For the last 23+ years, I have wiped butts, noses, educated, loved, kissed boo-boos, and more. I sort of forgot who I was in the process. That is okay because I have pretty awesome kids. Jesus gave me the privilege of borrowing them for a time. I will continue to treasure each and every new moment.
Let’s just pray that we will all bloom where we are planted.