Tag: love and loss

Circle of Hope Counseling Services, End the Stigma, Suicide Awareness and Prevention

LA Came in Like a Tornado

Brandi C

LA Came in Like a Tornado

Leigh Ann Came in Like a Tornado

Ten years ago, I met a brassy blond girl at a ballpark. She had a crass mouth and a nasty smoking habit. She was loud and obnoxious. A person people moved away from when they saw her. She did not dress the part, talk the part, and certainly did not behave the part of what society deems “normal.” 

Yet, I was drawn to her. I saw myself in her—the girl that no one wanted to be friends with, the outcast. I have a deep love for those who seem unlovable. I see through the facade of what someone presents. I see their heart—that deep desire to fit in, yet the complete inability to do so.

Seeing a Bit of Jesus in Her

In my mind, I can close my eyes and see all the bright dots of Jesus throughout her. I just knew when those dots connected; she would be an unstoppable force of nature for the Kingdom.

I fell in love with this girl, her children, her brother, and her parents. We were a tight-knit group of misfits. I was blessed to be able to lead her to Christ one spring day. After she accepted Christ, I gave her a hot pink Bible. It was her favorite color. She loved Jesus with all her heart.

Mental Illness

She also struggled with mental illness. Despite her love for Jesus, she had good days and bad days. What bonded us was that I, too, suffer from mental illness. I have clinical depression. She had onset bipolar disorder. 

One thing I want you all to hear is that you can still love Jesus without abandon and still struggle with different types of mental illness. That does not mean you love Him less than someone who does not struggle.

How Did She Change My World?

She taught me how to accept those who were not “normal.” Also, she taught me to walk towards the waves instead of away from them. Live life without fear of abandonment and to hell what people thought of you.

Did I change her world? I hope I did. She made me a better person, and I hope I had some effect on her. Her mom always said that I did. I sure do love her children and now grandchildren. We were good for each other, for the most part.

Does it Change the World to Stand in the Gap?

Yes, it does the world when you brush and braid a friend’s hair for the last time? Also, when you begin painting her nails and toenails her favorite color? Does it change the world to wipe the ants off of her body while you are bathing her? What about closing her eyes for the last time?

Yes, it does change the world. It changed for LA’s children, her mother, and her brother. It also changed me and it showed me what the phrase “be Jesus with skin on” really means. Sacrificial love and service for her and her family.

LA, you are loved, thought of, and missed daily.

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Guest Blogger

The Things You Need to Know About Nana

Brandi C

The Things You Need to Know About Nana

The Things You Need to Know About Nana

In The Things You Need to Know About Nana, my guest blogger uses her words to convey the love she has for her grandmother. They had a tight bond that this young girl missed terribly.

Dearest Nana

The past six years of my life have been awful, and you not being here has made that even. You were my person, and you left me. I had to deal with everything alone, and to be honest. I am sick of it. You were the glue that held the family together. Once you died, everything changed. I wish I could put into words how much I miss you. Honestly, I know it is selfish, but I would give anything for you to be here with me. I feel like life would be better if you were here. Sadly, I miss my best friend, the one I knew I could count on for everything. I miss the person who was brutally honest with me. 

I wish we could lie together and watch one more scary movie. Or, I wish I could sleep in the bed with you one more time. I wish I could hear more stories from your childhood. I always enjoyed those. Furthermore, I want to listen to you try to pronounce “Aluminum” one last time. That was hilarious. I took my time with you for granted. 

I’m sorry I couldn’t heal you. I couldn’t make you feel better. I did everything I could. It’s important you know I did my best. I was young, and I did the best I could. When you first got sick, I prayed to God that you at least lived until I was Eleven. Two and a half months after my Eleventh birthday, you died. That has haunted me since the day you died. I’m sorry. Losing you is one of the hardest things I have ever gone through, and it’s a wound time will never heal.

Thankful

Today, I am thankful for my granny. There has never been another person like her. She loved so completely. I miss her face, her hugs, and her love. Granny knew everything. I could come to her with anything, and she would tell me what to do. When I was in the wrong, she was quick to correct me. Yes, I would cry, hurting my feelings, but in the end, she was right. Geez, I miss her.