Tag: Mental Health Awareness

Life or Something Like It

The Little Squares of Life

Brandi C

The Little Squares of Life

The Little Squares of Life

In The Little Squares of Life, what do you see? I see skinny people with flawless makeup (the women anyway). Also, I see homemade meals and clean, organized houses. Pets can speak three languages and never need walking because they can use the toilet. Little humans wearing matching clothes never shed a tear or throw a royal fit. They are always smiling with their perfectly cut hair.

What I See

I see manicured yards, ideally educated children. These children speak the same languages as their pets plus one more for fun. They are involved in 25 sports each and excel at each mark. People who love Jesus are the world’s holy ones. They are most certainly blessed with new cars, new houses, and health. Everyone seems to be healthy. Happy, all photos are of happy people.

What a delusion!

Behind The Little Squares of Life is the reality. Marriages falling apart behind the smiles. Kids with dirt under their fingernails and enough earwax to make a candle. Sickness behind the smiles, whether that is life-altering illnesses or mental illnesses and anything in between. It could be a chronic thing or a thing they are too embarrassed to see a doctor for. In that scenario, they are too ashamed to go and ask because they are afraid of what they will find. Taking that further, they are so scared nothing is wrong, and they have embarrassed themselves in front of their doctor and now have a bill to pay.

Reality

Burnt dinners, mailboxes with something green growing on them. Weeds are hidden amongst the hostas. Addictions, hatefulness, and spikes in anger run rampant—people who are broken and tired because of a wayward child. Adult children are now turning into the parents of their parents who are sick.

Green for a Reason

Yes, a beautiful green yard can be seen from across the way. Lush green grass that looks like it is taunting you to come across the street and walk barefoot through it. You don’t realize that as you take your shoes off and tiptoe in the neighbor’s yard, you suddenly feel the truth. That lush green grass is lush for a reason. They have a septic issue, and you are walking through feces water.

Good times.

When are we going to start living in the reality of life? Why do we (I) continue to compare ourselves to others when I know the story behind the picture. I get so tired of this little game that may be in my head.

Take a Moment

Behind every picture is pain a lot of times. The one who loves her pets more than the typical person may be the one who struggles with infertility. There is the one that smiles through daily death or near-death experiences due to a calling of her life. One is always smiling with her children, yet divorce is on the horizon due to addiction.

Every picture is different.

Also, every person is different. Do not ever assume something based on a snapshot. Please, for love, do not judge those who think he/she should “know” better. Someone who “should not have” adopted children. Thoughts on if a person is too overweight or underweight.

People hide their pain behind humor and smiles.

They want you to think about all the good things about them because they are hurting so deeply. If you get too close, you will smell fear on them or pain. Then the questions come that they may or may not know the answer to.

You Can Help

Ask someone (a friend, family, acquaintance, or a stranger) how their day is BUT mean it. Maybe they will be honest with you, from that point on, pra for them. Now, don’t just say you will pray for them. Honestly, most people say that, and they never do it. You can be different. Lay your hands on them and pray for them. Send them off with a smile.

Ask how you can help. Do they need children’s care? A meal or a ride? Is there some spot where you can be the hands and feet of Jesus for that person? Send them Scripture through text or FB message. Take the sin out of social media and interject Jesus all over it!

 

Circle of Hope Counseling Services, End the Stigma, Suicide Awareness and Prevention

Since You’ve Been Gone – Reality of Suicide on Family and Friends

Brandi C

In Since You’ve Been Gone – Reality of Suicide on Family and Friends, this post may contain triggers. Please stop reading if you or someone you love struggles with mental illness, depression, suicidal thoughts, or anything in that realm. Immediately, pick up the phone and call. You are treasured and loved beyond measure. Seek help!

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Since You've Been Gone - Reality of Suicide on Family and Friends

Since You’ve Been Gone – Reality of Suicide on Family and Friends

It has been a year since you left. Your family and friends have gone through the ever-winding road of grief and loss. Your mom and daughter have moved. The new place is great! Very open and fresh. They did a great job decorating it.

Your girl starts high school in the fall. I keep thinking back to when we met because your girl should only be 4 yrs old. She is a spitfire, but you already knew that! Then high school she starts high school. Impossible.

You became a grandma to a honey of a girl. Your son and his family have moved out. They are both working and being great parents, learning all the things. You would be proud.

Your brother is getting healthy and regaining control over his life. Donna is beginning to find peace during the storm. She still struggles, but we lean a lot on each other when “having our moment.”

Nothing will ever be the same without you, but the world still turns.

She Looks Like You

I held that baby, and oh my goodness. You would be foolish over her! It would almost be embarrassing. Donna keeps that in check, for the most part. Then, she called, and I heard that baby-making noise, and it happened again. Donna is acting stupid over this baby. Then that baby smiles.

She has your dimples, and if I squint real hard, I could see red hair. Also, she has your eyes. It is almost hard to keep my composure when I gaze into them. I’ll see you in your granddaughter. I feel you in her. It makes me yearn for you to step out of heaven so you can touch her.

I Can’t Get You Out of My Head.

There are so many things I wish I could evacuate out of my mind; how you looked at me, how we talked as I painted your fingernails, your favorite color. The smell of your freshly washed hair thrown up in a messy bun. The way you would whine so much as I french braided your hair. You didn’t whine that day.

I Miss You

Ten years is a long time for a friendship to ebb and flow. We ebbed, and we flowed a lot. Honestly, we were both used to that and embraced it. We grew together. We raised our kids together. We ate, laughed, and cried together, and then we didn’t.

I catch myself channeling your courage. You were tiny, but you were mighty. I always wanted that energy. When we were together, I felt invisible. If someone came to bother me, you’d be all over them like a spider monkey. It was quite the vision.

My Favorite Memory

When asked what my favorite memory of you and I was the other day was, I responded with “bats and boxed hair dye.” That memory will be embedded in my brain until I take my last breath. Who knew bats liked your bleach blonde hair and that you could scream, swat, and jump simultaneously. I was no help because I was doubled over laughing. In the meantime, Big Daddy was in the house fuming because you had dyed my hair burgundy.

Those First Few Moments

Getting that phone call.

Hearing her tell me.

Listening to her moan.

Flying over there.

Seeing where it all happened.

Walking into your empty house.

Hugging your mom.

Comforting your son.

Flying to the funeral home.

Questioning their practices and ethics.

Doing what I needed to do.

Seeing your eyes.

Questioning the whole thing.

Angry.

Sad.

What if’s began swirling in my head.

Stoic.

I didn’t allow myself to mourn for almost a full year.

Now, I can’t stop mourning.

Grief.

It’s a bitch.

 

Circle of Hope Counseling Services, End the Stigma

Reflecting on Nesting Bird Wisdom

Brandi C

Reflecting on Nesting Bird Wisdom

Reflecting on Nesting Bird Wisdom

I was reflecting on Nesting Bird Wisdom from my sister a year ago. After a tough weekend, emotionally, I had my early Monday morning chat with my sister. We chit-chatted about nothing and everything. Then we moved into what my triggers were from the past weekend.

A statement swirls around in my head from another friend I told Tera. My friend said, “Brandi, you have to have a release. You have to find someone you can trust. Get this stuff off your chest. Cry if you need to cry.” My statement back to her was, “I had that person. She died. Now I don’t share or talk. I stuff it all down.”

Tera agreed with my friend. We talked about the stages of grief. Also, I have had no time to grieve anything over the past several years. I’ve gone from one hit to another. There has been little time to breathe. Sadly, no time to grieve. Sadly, there was no time to release the pain and emotion from everything that had happened.

Then, she took it one step further.

She said: “Brandi, it’s okay to have birds fly around your head (referring, of course, to grief, depression, anxiety, etc), but you can’t let them make a nest in your hair.”

I agreed. Then, I wiped my tears and got off the phone. Next, I went to the bathroom.

What I saw was a thing of fear and horror. My hair was straight up (circa 80-the 90s) in that great curly, let it be free, windblown hair.

I texted my sister and asked her to define “Nest in Hair.”

So, my birds have nested, and now it is time for them to fly south.

Bye, Bye Birdie. The bird has flown away!