Category: Adoption

Adoption Stories, resources, and real-life reflections from the heart of an adoptive mama, parents, and adoptees.

This space is for those walking the adoption journey—whether you’re waiting, in the thick of it, or healing from it. You’ll find encouragement, honesty, and hope woven through every post, along with practical tools, faith-filled insights, and reminders that you are not alone.

Adoption, Faith Journey, Medical, Opsoclonus Myoclonus Syndrome

Twelve Candles After Silence

barefootfaithjourney

Twelve Candles After Silence

Not Ready Yet: Twelve Candles After Silence

The room was supposed to be a doorway home.
Quiet, not heavy. Not sad.
Just full of the relief that comes
when five long days are finally over.

Bags packed.
Shoes by the door.
Hope sitting quietly on the edge of the bed
waiting to go home.

He was scared.
I remember that most.
Wide eyes searching my face
while I tried to sound calm enough
for both of us,
telling him every step
like calm could be borrowed.

I asked if they were qualified.
They said yes.
They said it was standard.

And then everything stopped being standard.

The line came out
and fear flooded his eyes so fast
it felt like watching a storm swallow the sun.

“Mommy help me.
Mommy save me.
I am on fire.
My heart is on fire.”

Over and over
like a prayer no one else heard.

His skin turned cold under my hands.
Pale. Fragile.
Clammy fingers.
Dark circles carving shadows beneath his eyes
like exhaustion had finally caught him.

I looked at the doctors
and they stood there, white as ghosts,
perplexed,
calling it behavior.

Behavior.

My hands knew better.

A body running out of strength
like he had already fought a thousand miles.
A child folding inward
while the room stood still.

That was the moment I knew
no one else was coming to save him.

I climbed onto the bed
because love does not wait for permission.
Held him as tight as fear would allow.
Kept explaining every second
even when my voice shook.

“Your room isn’t ready.
I’m not ready.
Please don’t leave me.
Wake up buddy.
Wake up.”

His body felt emptied out.
No strength left.
No fight left.
Just silence growing heavier in the air.

And then he went still.

Eyes rolling back.
Breath gone.
Silence louder than any machine.

I screamed his name into a room
that suddenly felt enormous and empty.
>I remember crying.
>I remember dissociating.
>I remember the sound of my own voice
echoing back at me like I was alone.

So much silence.

I pressed into his chest
hard enough to hurt
because pain was the only language left.

And he came back.

Later he told me what I could not see.

He said he was warm.
Bright.
Peaceful.

He said he saw me crying.
He said he was talking to me
telling me not to cry
but I couldn’t hear him.

I wish I had heard that.

A kind nurse.
Another doctor.
Movement finally replacing stillness.

A lung nicked.
Medicine where air should live.
Not life-threatening, they said,
but close enough to haunt every breath since.

We drove four hours toward someone who would listen.
The road long.
The night longer.
No talking.
Just silent tears
and a body driving home
while my mind stayed behind in that room.

And now—

Twelve years old.

Still fighting a body that refuses easy answers.
Still living with a diagnosis that does not care about fairness.
A nervous system writing its own rules.
A life many dismissed
like it was nothing.

But he was never nothing.

He is the child who fought to stay.
The child who heard his mother’s voice
through silence
and chose to come back.

And still
he wakes up.
Still
he fights.
Still
he breathes.

Twelve candles burning tonight
because love refused to be quiet
and a mother kept knocking
on a door
that heaven almost closed.

I do not say his name here,
but heaven knows it.
And I know it.

Twelve years after a room went silent,
he is still here.

And so am I.

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Adoption is Our Joy and Their Deepest Loss

barefootfaithjourney

adoption

Adoption is Our Joy and Their Deepest Loss

Adoption is beautiful.
It’s redemptive, brave, and life-changing.
Honestly, it’s one of our greatest joys—expanding our family, raising children we’ve chosen and love deeply.

But if we’re honest…
It’s also our child’s deepest loss.

Because adoption, at its very core, begins with separation.

The Moment Everything Stops

For the adoptive parent, it’s a celebration.
Yet, for the child, it’s the moment their entire world ends.

Everything they’ve known—whether safe or unsafe, comforting or chaotic—stops.
And suddenly, they’re expected to relearn life… in a new place…
Surrounded by unfamiliar faces…
With people they’re told to call “family”—but who are, at first, just strangers.

Think about that.

We teach children from the time they can talk:
Don’t talk to strangers. Don’t go with people you don’t know.

But in adoption, we ask them to do just that:
“Trust these new people. They’re safe. They love you.”
Even though we haven’t earned it yet.

It’s not that we don’t love them. We do—fiercely.
But trust doesn’t come instantly.
And for a child whose world has been turned upside down, safety isn’t a promise they know how to believe yet.

Love Means Seeing the Loss

If you’re an adoptive parent reading this, this isn’t to shame you—it’s to equip you.

You can love your child and still honor their grief.
And you can celebrate your family and still acknowledge the trauma woven into its beginning.
You can be the safe place they need without expecting them to trust you right away.

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
— Psalm 34:18 (NIV)

A Gentle Challenge

📝 Try this: Instead of asking your child to be thankful for adoption, tell them you’re thankful for them. Give them space to grieve without guilt.

💛 If your family is navigating the complex layers of adoption, trauma, and attachment—Circle of Hope Counseling Services is here for you.

We offer trauma-informed, faith-filled therapy for children, parents, and families.

📞 Reach out today to schedule your first session (KY residents only) or learn more: Circle of Hope Counseling Services.

You don’t have to walk this journey alone. Hope starts here.

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Adoption

FDA Warning for Ethiopians

Brandi C

FDA Warning for Ethiopians

FDA Warning for Ethiopians
Photo by Kelly on Pexels.com

This is an updated post on the FDA Warning for Ethiopians. Understand, I am not a doctor and I am not advising you to do anything medically related. Please consult with your physician regarding this information. Also, please have them do their research before blindly administering these medications to your loved one.

The reason I say that is because when we were faced with a surgery, for our child, we would have never known this information. The reason we knew it is because my sister had also adopted from Ethiopia and she was made aware. I believe she was made aware through her adoption agency and support group.

A Little Bit About Our Story

There is not much I will share regarding the surgery that we needed for our child. However, I will share that when we went in, we informed the doctors and the anesthesiologist, they told us they had never heard of that before. We stood our ground and the surgery did not proceed until they thoroughly researched this topic.

Upon review (after quite a bit of time), they did come back and apologize to us. It is now flagged at this hospital (and other hospitals that we have attended). It isn’t just flagged for our child, it is flagged for people that are from Ethiopia. Granted, nothing may have happened but I wasn’t going to let my child be the guinea pig.

Warning

Here is the brief snippet from the article that is listed below:

“Some individuals may be ultra-rapid metabolizers because of a specific CYP2D6 genotype (gene duplications denoted as
1/1xN or 1/2xN). The prevalence of this CYP2D6 phenotype varies widely and has been estimated at 0.5 to 1% in
Chinese and Japanese, 0.5 to 1% in Hispanics, 1 to 10% in Caucasians, 3% in African Americans, and 16 to 28% in North
Africans, Ethiopians, and Arabs. Data are not available for other ethnic groups. These individuals convert codeine into its
active metabolite, morphine, more rapidly and completely than other people. This rapid conversion results in higher than
expected serum morphine levels. Even at labeled dosage regimens, individuals who are ultra-rapid metabolizers may have
life-threatening or fatal respiratory depression or experience signs of overdose (such as extreme sleepiness, confusion, or
shallow breathing).”

The website through the FDA can also be reviewed with your health care professionals. You can always go to All Africa to read more.

Related Topics:

Resources for Special Needs Kids

 

Adoption, Guest Blogger

Meet my Guest Blogger and Sister Tera

Brandi C

Meet my Guest Blogger and Sister Tera

Meet my Guest Blogger and Sister Tera

 

Do you ever step back and take a look at where the Lord has had your journey? Reflection is an amazing reminder of our sanctification process. Sanctification….the word I view with both dread and anticipation. It is God’s plan of growing us into the likeness of Christ. Sounds lofty, but what does it require? Sanctification requires stretching. I am not a fan of being stretched, but the Lord has stretched me over the last several years in ways that I would never have asked, but in ways that I would never trade.

Memories

Recently I took a look at the blog I kept during our adoption processes. We have six children, three of whom joined our family through adoption. These three were older when they joined our family and all came home with memories of their life in their home countries.

During the adoption process, my blogs consisted of all the typical thoughts and anxieties that a mother exhibits while waiting for her precious child to be in her arms. Nothing ever happened on my timetable. What was the Lord thinking? Didn’t He know that our child needed to be home? Also, didn’t He sense our pain in the waiting? Wait, didn’t He part the Red Sea? Wasn’t He capable of blasting through the Red Tape? I feel anxious typing all of that right now! So, as I re-read my entries I ran across this note that typifies what I pray the Lord has taught me and continues to teach me in my walk with Him. We were on our way home with our newest son.

Previous Blog Post

This week we have watched God’s hand guide every aspect of our journey. Lots of travel troubles, UGH. Through it all, when I would feel anxiety welling up in my heart, I would hear Him asking me, Do you trust me? Also, do you really mean all the things you say to everyone else? Do you trust me to work out circumstances according to My plan, not yours? Finally, do you recognize that you are not in control? Over and over, I know that He was and is telling me that in good or bad I must choose to trust that this journey is HIS.

This journey of my life is the one that He has planned and intended. I still get very anxious, wanting to control situations and people, but honestly….deep within my soul, I do trust Him. I may not like the plan, but I trust that He has it ALL worked out. I’m on a plane right now on our last leg home from bringing home our son. We are surprising the other kids with an early flight home.

Soon we will be the eight of us. Our sweet boy is sleeping peacefully. He fully trusts us as his parents. We know where he is going and we know what is in store on the other end of this plane ride.  There was a plan to bring him home. Everywhere we’ve led him, he has willingly gone with a smile on his face, handheld out to take ours. Fully trusting. May I be the same with my Heavenly Father who has the plan?

Encouraging Words

As your family journeys along in life, I ask you to trust Him with the plan. Recognize that He sees the view from above the plane. The full view. You only see out of your little window. How we react to our journey will show the world that we trust HIM and love HIM more than we trust and love our plan. Ask yourself what you desire more…the child to be added to your family, your children to be whole, relief from difficulties, or is your desire for a relationship with the ONE who made both you and your child?

Lean Into Him

Marriage. Parenting. Adoption. Life.  Complex, beautiful, hard.  Embrace the hard as God’s provision for your sanctification.  Growth is never easy. Cling to Him.

Isaiah 55:8-9 “The Lord says: ‘My thoughts and my ways are not like yours. Just as the heavens are higher than the earth, my thoughts and my ways are higher than yours.’ ”

 

Adoption, Guest Blogger

Guest Blogger Big Daddy on Adoption

Brandi C

Guest Blogger Big Daddy on Adoption

Guest Blogger Big Daddy on Adoption

This post was originally written in 2017.

Guest Blogger Big Daddy on Adoption and his thoughts. After having three biological children, we decided to enter the realm of adoption. We believed our quiver wasn’t complete, so the decision was easy. What we didn’t realize is that adoption is HARD. It doesn’t matter what kind of adoption it is. Whether through foster care, international adoption, or one of your relatives, adoption is not for the faint of heart.

Adoption is Rewarding

 

However, adoption is very rewarding. Knowing that you have taken life into your home that otherwise was not wanted or was being mistreated, abused, or neglected is an amazing miracle. God intended for children to be raised by their parents, but circumstances sometimes do not allow that to happen. That’s why we took the plunge to care for the orphans.

Our Wild Ride to Adoption

 

As for our journey, it has been a wild ride. We have had a lot of good days and plenty of bad ones. But so far, we have stayed the course. We have tried to instill Godly values in our children while teaching them honesty, integrity, responsibility, and character. Sometimes we think that we are not making much progress, but honestly, we believe if we are consistent with the kids, they will turn out fine. Each child is different. We have learned how to parent each child with different behaviors and personalities.

 

At first, I was resistant to adoption, but after I met the little girl my sister-in-law and her husband adopted from the Philipines, my heart melted. I saw the love shown and given to her and believed I could do the same. So we decided to do it.

Our First Experience

 

Our first experience with fostering to adoption started pretty good other than the fact that these children were brought to us, and we knew nothing about them. It was hard, especially with Shay, because she was non-verbal at two years old. She never did warm up to me very much. Tay, on the other hand, was very happy and always smiling. Also, they were very sick, and we could not get them well.

 

Then the day that nearly broke us into the world of fostering/adoption happened. The kids were suddenly taken away from us by the Cabinet. We had no idea….one minute, we are raising these kids, and the next minute they are gone. We were told the reason but truly believed the social worker lied about us in a court hearing that we were not present at. I was furious, and it crushed my wife. To this day, she still has the scars of them being taken from us. We had to believe that the Lord had different plans for those sweet children and us.

Never Again?

 

At that time, we told ourselves we would not go through a horrible experience like we just had but decided to give it another go around. We started fostering D and G in the spring of 2007. At first, it was really good, but we learned quickly how many of these children in the child services system could be damaged. To find out the kids you just took into your home were previously abused is a tough pill to swallow.

 

Having to raise children during an investigation of abuse and ensuing court proceedings is not the way it should be. But the kids were safe, and we did our best to cope with the behaviors stemming from their past. We finally adopted them about two and a half years later. Since then, we’ve run the gamut of ups and downs with them. Some days are good, and some days are bad, but in the end, they are loved, and hopefully, they will be able to overcome the terrible start they had in life.

International Adoption

 

Our subsequent adoption was a foray into international adoption. My wife had always dreamed of adopting from the county of Ethiopia. After I met my new nephew from Ethiopia, my sister-in-law’s second adopted child. I was ready to go to Africa. The process was a lot of paperwork and a lot of money. (Not sure why it costs so much to adopt a child who has no home or no one else wants). Within a few months, we had a referral and got a picture of our son. It was amazing how we could love someone so much whom we had never met.

 

The anticipation was unbearable. But soon after that, we could travel to Africa and meet our son. It was an experience like none other. We met our son and spent three or four days with him. We went to court and were granted the adoption. The hardest part was leaving him there. But we were told that it should only be about eight weeks before we could return and bring him home. Little did we know then that eight weeks would turn into 14 months.

Huge Mistake Made by Home Study Agency

 

Our home study agency made a huge mistake, and the US government told us we did not make enough money to bring him home. How ridiculous is that? It’s a shame that money, or the lack thereof, keeps so many people from adopting children that need good homes. When we found this out, we desperately tried everything we could to get clearance from USCIS but were flat-out denied two months later. My wife was crushed beyond all belief. From December 2010 to about November 2011, she was just a shell of a person.

 

Yes, she lived and breathed, but that was about it. She was vacant. And there was nothing I could do about it. I believed that there was no way God would allow us to travel 7000 miles to meet a boy and tell him he would be our son, then him not ever come home. Not necessarily for our sake but for his. He was an innocent child growing up in an orphanage with 50 or 60 other children like him. But God made way for us to get our clearance to bring him home, and in December 2011, we brought J to his forever home. We were made whole.

Here We Go Again

 

After we brought J home, we thought our quiver was full. But God had other plans for our family. In November of 2015, we had an opportunity to take in our great-nephew, H. His mother, our niece, had been in trouble with the law and could not take care of him. H had been living with a man who believed he was the father. He had troubles of his own and agreed for us to keep H for a while. We decided to file for emergency custody of H mainly for his safety at the time. The man he was living with turned out not to be the biological father, and we were granted temporary custody of H.

His Biological Mom

 

His mother got into even more trouble later and was facing a lot of time in prison. She made a tough yet mature decision to terminate her rights and allow us to adopt H. I can’t imagine how hard that was for her. I am very proud of her for sacrificing for her son. H invigorated our family with joy. He has so much energy and is very sweet and funny. However, in June, he was diagnosed with an extremely rare neurological disorder called Opsoclonus Myoclonus Syndrome. He has been through a lot, which has been tough on him and us. But we take it one day at a time and trust in God for healing and comfort.

Adoption is Tough

 

So those reading this and considering adopting do not have preconceived notions of lollipops and rainbows. Adoption is challenging and not for the faint of heart. But the rewards are unending. Giving a child a home and stability is a beautiful thing. Whether they know it or not, children crave structure, discipline, and a sense of worth.

 

That’s the beauty of adoption.

 

Adoption

Welcome to Holland

Brandi C

Welcome to Holland

Welcome to Holland is a poem that I have always loved.  It is a different way to look at things when life does not go as planned.  We have dealt with Dyslexia, learning disabilities, Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, Reactive Attachment Disorder, Sensorineural Hearing Loss, Generalized Epilepsy, Functional Neurological Disorder, and Opsoclonus Myoclonus Syndrome.

WELCOME TO HOLLAND

by
Emily Perl Kingsley.

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability – to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It’s like this:

Planning a Trip to Italy

When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous vacation trip – to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It’s all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, “Welcome to Holland.”

Discovering You are in Holland

“Holland?!?” you say. “What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I’m supposed to be in Italy. All my life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy.”

But there’s been a change in the flight plan. They’ve landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven’t taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine, and disease. It’s just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guidebooks. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It’s just a different place. It’s slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you’ve been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around…. and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills….and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy… and they’re all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say “Yes, that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I had planned.”

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away… because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But… if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things … about Holland.

c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved.

 

Adoption, Circle of Hope Counseling Services, End the Stigma, Guest Blogger

God is in the Details

Brandi C

~~Guest Blogger: God is in the details is something I posted, a few months ago.  This post is about the love, adoption, and loss of this sweet family’s sweet daughter Freh.  Amy and Sten’s story continues and the light of the Lord shines through dark times.  She has graciously let me repost her original blog (you can find her blog here).  Amy and Sten’s story is powerful and their faith is an inspiration~~

God is in the Details

Sometimes Writing is Painful

Putting words into print somehow solidifies the reality. But everyone knows that writing is therapeutic and sharing one’s story is really more for the writer than the reader, right?

I have had an aversion to sharing in the past several months, because how do I say it? How do I justly tell a story that has so many details and changing parts that won’t leave me feeling torn apart and raw or worse yet…vulnerable. After all, isn’t dealing with child loss and grief enough? I mean why tell a story that will make me look like a glutton for punishment? I don’t know. But what I do know is that an amazing story is unfolding in my life, and I haven’t shared it because of vulnerability. I have avoided the messy, ugly, scorching parts to preserve what little dignity I have left. Questions, opinions, judgment, they all raise the hairs on my neck.

I Have Turned to Close Confidants

Also, my prayer posse to stand there, in this foggy ditch, and intercede on my behalf until I can muster the words……God is still working. He has not set my tapestry down and forgotten. He is very much working out the finest of details. This ‘new us’ is now on a constant quest for joy. Consistently, almost methodically searching and seeking not the temporary thrills and distractions from our pain, but eternal, long-lasting, blanketing joy. We did a lot of talking and praying about this joy. I asked God to tell me where to go to find this gift He had for us and very clearly he pointed us to children, the beautifully packaged joy that He has time and again chosen for us since we were just 18 years old.

May 2014

Mother’s Day weekend. We got an email that informed us that a young, homeless girl in Florida is pregnant and has chosen us to be the forever family for her baby, due in October. We were ecstatic! Oh, how we had longed for a baby to hold and love since that day just a year before when our lives were shattered, and our Freh was taken from us. I finally felt like there was some joy to be had. A baby, a young mother in need, a little package of hope.

Flying to Florida

We flew to Florida and met “D” and her boyfriend. We went to an ultrasound and saw the little life inside her. It was a boy. He was healthy. We enjoyed the time we spent with this young girl, talking about her life and her plans for herself. Seeing that the relationship she was in with her boyfriend was not healthy,  Sten and I spoke with her about that and ways she could get help.

We bonded with this young mother. I felt an immediate love for her. She showed us the hotel she was now staying in, and we taught her how to cook some food for herself.  On the flight home, Sten and I admitted that we felt conflicted. We really wished she could somehow find a way, as we had over 19 years ago, to keep her baby and yet, we still really longed for a baby. I committed to praying quietly that God would move in D’s life and that He would guide her to the right decision.

She and I Texted Throughout the Summer

I was able to have a few significant conversations with her. We talked about purpose and God and joy. She knew that we had lost our daughter a year before and she asked me how I handle that, a question that brought such a lump to my throat because I knew what possibly laid ahead in her future. I simply answered that I just let God handle the hard parts and I never stop seeking Him. She responded that her grandmother used to tell her the same thing.

35 weeks, ultrasound day….we received a call that D had not shown up for her ultrasound and that she called to tell our consultant that she has decided to leave her boyfriend and keep her baby. She had reunited with her mom, and they were going to raise the baby together. Now, you might think that we were angry with her for this…after all, how could she string us along with all summer and take thousands from us in support? We had our house ready for a baby.

We Were Supposed to be His Parents, Right?

Nope.

God had protected our hearts so perfectly that when we got the news, and the initial (5minute) sting wore off, we were so HAPPY for D. She found a way. She gets to be a momma to her baby!! How could that make anyone angry? God had worked it out to the smallest details. My concern was that she knew we were so happy for her and that we loved her, no matter what. It was ok. I felt that peace that only God can wash over me.  This is where it gets ugly and messy and, for the sake of sanity and humility and all things sensible, I will just share the watered-down version.

Have you ever had an experience that is so confusing and awful that all you can do is chalk it up to the darkness in this world? Well, that’s kind of how this next part played out……Two days later we were matched with another baby due “any day now.” He was 100% certainly ours, or so we were told. We let our guards down, went to Target, and bought everything we would need for this soon to be born child. Then, I asked if a prenatal record was available for us to look over, so we knew what to expect with this baby and just like that he was stripped from us and given to a family who would “love him unconditionally” (aka pay more money and not ask questions) To my friends in the adoption community, you may take a short break to wash the vomit from your mouths.

I know.

Brutal

Two weeks of refusal to answer our emails and phone calls. We had nothing. We were devastated, angry, hurt, seething mad. Talk about God putting up a huge wall. In the midst of hurt and loss upon loss like this, we barely could see straight. I pushed hard into God and the very close, personal friends he has gifted me with. They spoke the truth to me.  I cried, paced, spit…all of those ugly things you do when you get seething mad. But, God was loud and clear to me, once again, to wait to be quiet. TRUST HIM.

I Decided I was not Going to Share Publicly What Had Happened

I was going to let things pass and hopefully ease into the next chapter, without any scars or should I say judgment. People would notice when November comes, and we don’t have a baby. I just didn’t have the words. I kept hearing God nudging me to ‘write it out’….share what He is doing in the midst of pain, but golly! That is just such a vulnerable place to put yourself. And in the center of all that confusion and hurt, I certainly couldn’t see the thread of God’s needle. I could feel more of the flame of his blowtorch… How could I possibly find some wonderfully divine inspiration for writing? But God kept revisiting the issue. Write.

Behind the Adoption Drama Unfolding Another Ache

Our oldest son. He has had a difficult stretch these last few years, and we have had to let him learn some incredibly hard life lessons. Ones that you think to yourself, “son, this is going to wreck you possibly, but you must walk across these burning embers to heal and learn.” I can see now that God knew. God saw the way in advance that if we had been given D’s baby, we certainly would not have been available to help our first-born child through quite possibly, the most challenging time in his life. I love my God for protecting my children that way. For answering my very own prayers for my children so perfectly. Weaving our hearts together in the most intricate way possible.  I am thankful.

My Husband is a Patient and Introspective Man

He encourages me to do things that really stretch me, like be patient, wait it out, be quiet (HA!), listen. He is such a ROCK for me. After all the dust settled from that terrible “you have a baby, wait, no you don’t” week…Sten said to me that we should wait a month, get our bearings and start looking around us at what we should do next. We indeed agreed that we weren’t going to give up on adoption. God put that call on our hearts, and we haven’t felt as if he is taking it away.

On November 6 we signed with an adoption consulting firm called Christian Adoption Consultants. Turns out, Freh’s friend in Heaven, Mattie Sam, well, his mom is one of the lead consultants there, and they orchestrated the whole “hey, our moms should totally meet” thing. Tracie and I firmly believe that they are up to some serious Heavenly Shenanigans! Isn’t that cool? Isn’t it amazing how if you just take a half step back, you can see that GLORY IS RIGHT THERE?

God, just waiting to do His thing! Now, we are working with Tracie’s team at CAC to meet a need and be matched with a baby who needs us, and we cannot wait to see what God will do with this. It finally feels like we are right where He wants us to be. Adoption is very hard. Adoption is very risky. But, with God and Godly people by your side, He will use the ugliest of situations and bring beauty from them!

All This Time

I have heard God speaking to me to write. “I will bless the Lord at all times: his praise shall continually be in my mouth. My soul shall make her boast in the Lord: the humble shall hear thereof, and be glad. O magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt his name together. I sought the Lord, and he heard me, and delivered me from all my fears.” Psalm 34:1-4  This verse has come to my plate many times over the course of the past 8 years. Be a lamp. Still, I struggled inside my own head with sharing.

People Will Just Understand, I Told Myself

God will understand why I don’t want to write about it, it’s painful. But then, without even mentioning this spiritual struggle to anyone, God used one of his people to deliver a message. A Facebook friend wrote me and said she had been feeling like the Lord was leading her to pray for me. We chatted about that, and I let her in on the very surface details of our adoption trials. Then just Sunday morning, she messaged me again, “Have you blogged about any of this? I’m wondering if sharing your thoughts, your story might bring your baby home? I believe God is not asking you to share your sorrow rather share His love and openly SEEK your baby. I’m positive God is asking me to tell you to listen to that voice you hear calling.”

WAIT.  WHAT?

Yes. My God. Our God. He does these things. He uses his people as 2x4s to smack us upside the head. He’s done it before. Why am I surprised?  So, I just spent the better part of a Monday writing to you about the wonderful, faithful, amazing love that is God. He is in the very details of our lives, even when we feel so far from him. He is right there. Listening. Beckoning. Leading.

I am not giving up. Refinement is painful at times. I can see joy and sorrow, contentment and longing all rolled up into a holy ball of fire and ice, beauty like nothing ever witnessed before.

If You Have Endured This Post to the Very End, Would You Do One More Thing?

Would you please pray for us? Pray that whatever baby God is intending for our family will make it to our family soon. Praise God with us for the mighty work He is doing in our oldest son. Ask God to give our weary hearts strength in this wait. Pray for protection and peace over our children. Ask God for grand logistic graces for all of the ifs and whens of this adoption and the impending adoption of Mihret’s brother from Ethiopia. Please pray that I will continue to seek and see Him in all of the details.

Love you all.
Amy

 

Adoption, Faith Journey

A Priest, A Deaconess, and a Baptist

Brandi C

A Priest, A Deaconess, and a Baptist

A Priest, A Deaconess, and a Baptist

On September 21, 2011, we were working together at the store, and the jokes we wrote were often the highlight of the day.

It was a difficult decision for our family when I decided to return to work. I cried… a lot. I’m someone who thrives on routine, and when that routine is disrupted, it shakes me to my core. Am I controlling? Maybe. But I’ve always known that I like things a certain way, and change is something I tend to resist.

My whole world changed.

My kids went back to public school, while my oldest continued being homeschooled. It felt like everything was upside down. But I was grateful when I got my job. The woman who trained me was the slowest I’ve ever met, but she was kind, genuine, and stable.

When I was assigned my department, I met a gentleman who stood out to me—his regal demeanor, kind eyes, and radio-worthy voice immediately caught my attention. I wanted to know who he was because he worked in my department, and at that point, I needed all the help I could get.

The Priest

I introduced myself and learned that he was attending school to become a deacon in his church. Honestly, I didn’t even know there was a school for deacons, so I was immediately intrigued. I asked him questions like, “What’s up with the Pope? Why do you kneel and stand so much? Can you explain the hierarchy of the church?” He answered every question with patience and understanding, never making me feel ignorant. It was clear to me that he deeply loved both God and Jesus.

He became a blessing in my life. He would often see when I was having a rough day and would encourage me to stay busy and keep moving forward. Sometimes, when things were particularly tough, he would give me a hug. Once, after a difficult day, he handed me a beautiful rosary, saying, “This means more to me than anything, and I’m giving it to you for peace.” He explained the prayers that accompany the rosary, and it encouraged me to pray more. He also took time to pray over me at work and sent me emails with prayers. This man has truly been a precious soul in my life.

The Deaconess

Now, onto the Deaconess. She hadn’t been working with us long, but she quickly became someone I admired. She is a small, fiery woman, completely in love with the Lord and her family. To her, working at our job wasn’t just about earning a paycheck—it was a mission from God. She saw every opportunity to witness and share her faith. This lady exuded grace, dignity, and love, and she was always there to encourage, protect, and listen.

She wasn’t shy about expressing her faith. There were times when, with customers waiting, she laid hands on me and prayed over me. She has held me as I cried and cried with me, often reminding me, ‘Speak it into existence. Whatever you want, claim it. Speak positively—don’t let negativity slip out.” I have to be careful now, because I can almost hear her telling me to stop expressing negative thoughts.

Be positive. Wait on God.

I’ve been learning, through the trials of adoption, that it’s okay to cry, be upset, and talk about my feelings. I’m someone who tends to keep things inside because I don’t want to burden others or seem like I’m always complaining. But with my Deaconess, Priest, and my Wednesday night girls, I’ve found a support system full of love, prayers, and understanding. And let me tell you, I’ve needed it, especially this year.

Our Trial is Almost Over

Our adoption journey is nearing its end. I am confident that God will bring my child home before the year is up. Also,  I’m speaking that out in the name of Jesus. I am so thankful for the people He is bringing into my life during this difficult time. He has blessed me with a strong family of faith, a supportive church family, and coworkers who have prayed for me, encouraged me, and walked beside me through it all.

My daughter reminded me by texting, ‘Mom, I love you, and remember to CLAIM IT,’ that God is working in our lives. He’s showing us His grace and mercy through this challenging year.

A Priest, A Deaconess, and a Baptist

As the year comes to an end, I’m choosing to believe that my son will be home by next month. The people I’ve met along this journey—my Priest and my Deaconess will forever be a part of my child’s story. My Priest has seen me through some of the darkest moments. He has done so by praying for me while we folded jeans at JC Penney’s.

I am beyond thankful that God placed these people in my path. They have loved, supported, and encouraged me more than I could ever have imagined.

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The Waiting Child’s Lullabye

Brandi C

This poem, The Waiting Child’s Lullabye, by Pamela Durkota is one that I read, quite often during our adoption journey.  Many adoption bloggers will find this poem and post it to their blog as a way to talk to their children that are not yet with them.

KISSES IN THE WIND (The Waiting Child’s Lullabye)

I hold you in my heart and touch you in my dreams.
You are here each day with me, at least that’s how it seems.

I know you wonder where we are… what’s taking us so long.
But remember child, I love you so and God will keep you strong.

Now go outside and feel the breeze and let it touch your skin…
Because tonight, just as always, I blow you kisses in the wind.

May God hold you in His hand until I can be with you.
I promise you, my darling, I’m doing all that I can do.

Very soon, you’ll have a family for real, not just pretend.
But for tonight, just as always, I blow you kisses in the wind.

May God wrap you in His arms and hold you very tight.
And let the angels bring the kisses that I send to you each night.

— © Pamela Durkota, written for Josh

The Waiting Child's Lullabye

 

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