Tag: end the stigma

Circle of Hope Counseling Services, End the Stigma, Suicide Awareness and Prevention

Grieving After a Suicide Loss

Brandi Crum, MA, LMFT

Grieving After a Suicide Loss

There Is No Right Way to Grieve This Kind of Pain

When someone we love dies by suicide, the grief that follows feels different. It feels heavier, more complicated, more confusing. It doesn’t fit into neat stages or tidy timelines. Instead, it crashes over us in waves: shock, anger, guilt, sorrow, and sometimes numbness. And then, just when we think we’ve found our footing, another wave comes.

If you’ve lost someone to suicide, hear this: there is no “right” way to grieve.

Complicated Grief Is Real

Suicide loss is unique. Alongside the pain of loss, survivors often carry heavy questions:

  • Why didn’t I see it coming?

  • Could I have stopped it?

  • What were their final moments like?

These questions can stir feelings of anger, shame, or self-blame. Others may find themselves feeling nothing at all. They are just numb. Both extremes are normal. Grief is not a straight road; it’s a tangled, winding path that looks different for everyone.

Validating the Hard Feelings

  • Anger: It’s okay to feel angry at the situation, at the pain, even at the person you lost. Anger does not mean you love them any less.

  • Confusion: Suicide leaves behind unanswered questions. It’s natural to wrestle with the “why,” even if you never find a clear answer.

  • Numbness: Sometimes our minds protect us by shutting down emotions. Feeling “nothing” is still a form of grief.

Every feeling that rises in grief is a sign of love searching for a place to land.

Giving Yourself Permission

You don’t have to grieve the way others expect you to. You don’t have to explain your emotions or defend your tears (or your lack of them). Grief after suicide is personal, messy, and sacred. The best thing you can do is give yourself permission to feel, to rest, to cry, to laugh, to remember.

And most of all, permission to heal at your own pace.

💛Call or text 988. You are not alone.

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When the Darkness Whispers You are Too Much

Brandi Crum, MA, LMFT

When the Darkness Whispers You are Too Much

When the Darkness Whispers “You’re Too Much”

There are moments when the mind becomes a battlefield. When intrusive, heavy thoughts whisper lies that feel louder than the truth. For many walking through depression or suicidal thoughts, those whispers sound like:

  • “You’re too much.”

  • “You’re a burden.”

  • “The world would be better without you.”

These words sting, and they echo in the silence. But here’s the truth: those whispers are lies. And lies lose their power when they are brought into the light.

The Lie: “You’re Too Much”

The truth: You are wonderfully made.

“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” Psalm 139:14

Affirmation: I am created with intention, and my presence is a gift.

The Lie: “You’re a Burden”

The truth: You are deeply loved and chosen.

“See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands.” Isaiah 49:16

Affirmation: I am loved beyond measure. My worth is not based on what I do but on who I am.

The Lie: “The World Would Be Better Without You”

The truth: The world needs you.

“For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.” Ephesians 2:10

Affirmation: My life has purpose. My story matters. The world is better because I am here.

Speaking Truth Over Lies

The darkness often thrives in silence, but healing begins when we dare to speak truth out loud. Say the affirmations. Write down the verses. Remind yourself daily that you are more than the lies you hear.

If you or someone you love is struggling with suicidal thoughts, know this: you are not alone, and there is help. Speaking up is not weakness. It is courage.

💛Call or text 988. You are not alone.

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What Do I Say to My Kids

Brandi Crum, MA, LMFT

What Do I Say to My Kids

What Do I Say When My Kid Asks, “Why Did They Die?”

One of the hardest moments as a parent comes when your child looks at you with wide, wondering eyes and asks about death, especially death by suicide. Their question is simple, but the weight behind it is not. As adults, we often wrestle with how much to say, how to protect their innocence, and how to speak truthfully without overwhelming them.

The truth is, children are remarkably perceptive. They sense when something is wrong, and they notice when adults avoid answering. Silence can create confusion, fear, or even shame. But honest, age-appropriate conversations build trust and help children feel safe to come to you with their big questions.

Age-Appropriate Responses

For young children (ages 4–7):
Use simple, clear words. You might say:

“They were very, very sad and their body stopped working. Sometimes people feel so hurt inside that they forget to ask for help.”

Keep it short, offer reassurance, and remind them they are safe and loved.

For school-age children (ages 8–12):
At this age, children can understand more but still need gentle explanations. Try something like:

“They died because they were hurting inside. Their pain felt too big, and they didn’t know what else to do. But there are always people who want to help when we feel that sad.”

Invite questions, and don’t be afraid to say, “I don’t know, but we can talk about it together.”

For teens:
Teenagers are often ready for more direct honesty. You might say:

“They died by suicide. That means they made their body stop working because their pain felt unbearable. Suicide is never the answer, but it happens when someone feels hopeless. That’s why it’s so important to talk about how we’re feeling and to get help.”

Be open to deeper conversations, encourage dialogue, and listen without judgment.

Guiding Principles for Parents

  • Be honest, not graphic. Children deserve the truth, but details can be harmful. Stick to clear, compassionate explanations.

  • Use the word “suicide” when they’re old enough. Avoiding the word can make it feel more frightening or shameful.

  • Offer reassurance. Children often worry about their own safety or yours. Remind them that they are safe, loved, and never alone.

  • Invite questions. Let them set the pace. Answer what they ask, and pause if they seem overwhelmed.

  • Model openness. Show that it’s okay to talk about hard things and that feelings, no matter how big, are normal.

Why These Conversations Matter

When we talk to our children about suicide with honesty and compassion, we break the cycle of silence that has existed for generations. We give them language to express their feelings and permission to reach out when life feels heavy. Most importantly, we remind them that no pain is too big to share, and no question is too scary to ask.

💛 Call or text 988. You are not alone.

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Breaking Generational Silence

Brandi Crum, MA, LMFT

Breaking Generational Silence

Suicide, Secrets, and the Stories We’re Finally Telling

For generations, suicide has been treated like a shadow. It is a whispered tragedy, hidden behind closed doors, wrapped in shame, and carried in silence. Families didn’t talk about it. Churches avoided it. Communities swept it under the rug. And so the pain grew heavier, passed down quietly from one generation to the next.

But silence is not the same as healing.

When we choose not to speak about suicide, we don’t protect our loved ones. We isolate them. We send the message that their pain is too much, too taboo, too dangerous to name. And yet, the truth is that suicide has touched far more families than we realize. It isn’t just a distant statistic; it is a reality that has impacted neighbors, classmates, colleagues, and maybe even our own families.

The Cost of Silence

Cultural and generational silence doesn’t just keep us from telling the truth about what happened. It also keeps us from telling the truth about how we’re hurting. People grow up believing that grief must be hidden. That questions must remain unanswered. That shame is more powerful than love. And in that silence, wounds go unhealed, and cycles of pain continue.

The Power of Breaking the Silence

Something shifts when we begin to speak. When families bravely say, “Yes, suicide has touched our lives,” not with shame, but with compassion, we create space for honesty. We give others permission to tell their stories. We begin to dismantle the stigma that keeps people suffering in the dark.

Sharing our stories doesn’t dishonor those we’ve lost. It honors them. It says their lives mattered enough to be remembered, and their struggles mattered enough to be named.

Why It’s Time to Speak Up

Our culture is beginning to recognize that silence has not protected us. It has hurt us. And the only way forward is through truth-telling, compassion, and connection. When we speak about suicide openly, we shine light into the places where shame once lived. We remind one another that none of us are truly alone in our struggles.

The stories we’re finally telling are not just about loss. They’re about love. About hope. About creating a future where talking about mental health is as natural as talking about physical health. A future where the next generation doesn’t inherit our silence, but instead inherits our courage to speak.

If you’re carrying a story that feels too heavy to share, know this: you don’t have to speak it all at once, and you don’t have to speak it alone. But your voice matters. Your story matters. And telling it just might be the key to breaking the silence for someone else.

Call or text 988. You are not alone.

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Suicide Warning in Kids and Teens

Brandi Crum, MA, LMFT

Suicide Warning in Kids and Teens

Not Just a Phase: Suicide Warning Signs in Kids and Teens

Red Flags in Teen Behavior

Teenagers are known for mood swings, independence, and testing boundaries. But sometimes what looks like “just a phase” may actually be a cry for help. Suicide is the second leading cause of death among young people. Let that marinate for just a moment. I am going to say it again for those in the back. SUICIDE IS THE SECOND LEADING CAUSE OF DEATH AMONG YOUNG PEOPLE. Many parents, teachers, and caregivers miss the warning signs because they mistake them for normal teenage behavior.

It’s time we learn to recognize the difference.

Behavioral Warning Signs

  • Withdrawal: Pulling away from friends, family, or activities once enjoyed.

  • Changes in sleep or appetite: Sleeping too much or too little, loss of interest in eating, or sudden overeating.

  • Drop in grades or motivation: A sudden decline in school performance or apathy about the future.

  • Risk-taking: Engaging in reckless behaviors like substance use, unsafe driving, or self-harm.

  • Giving away belongings: A subtle but serious sign that a child may be preparing for death.

Emotional Warning Signs

  • Hopelessness: Expressing feelings that nothing will ever get better.

  • Persistent sadness or irritability: More than just “bad moods.” These emotions linger.

  • Loss of interest: A flatness or lack of excitement in things that used to bring joy.

  • Feeling like a burden: Statements about being “in the way” or “better off gone.”

Verbal Cues

Sometimes teens will say things directly, and it’s crucial not to dismiss them as attention-seeking. Listen for phrases like:

  • “I wish I wasn’t here.”

  • “Everyone would be better off without me.”

  • “I just want it to stop.”

  • “What’s the point?”

If a child is talking about death or suicide, even in a joking way, it’s a red flag that needs immediate attention.

What Parents and Caregivers Can Do

  • Take every sign seriously. It’s always better to overreact than to regret silence.

  • Create open conversations. Ask direct, compassionate questions: “Are you thinking about suicide?”

  • Remove access to means. Lock away medications, firearms, or sharp objects.

  • Seek professional help. Therapists, school counselors, and doctors can provide support and intervention.

  • Stay present. Your consistent love and attention are powerful protective factors.

A Final Word

Teen behavior can be confusing, but your attentiveness can make the difference between life and death. Trust your instincts. If something feels off, don’t wait. Reach out, lean in, and seek help.

💛 If you or someone you know is in crisis, please call or text 988 to connect with the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. You are not alone.

 

 

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Write It Before You End It

Brandi Crum, MA, LMFT

Write it before you end it

Write It Before You End It: How Journaling Can Save a Life

Healing Through Journaling

When life feels unbearable and the darkness seems overwhelming, it’s easy to believe there’s no way out. In those moments, journaling can become more than just words on a page. Honestly, it can become a lifeline. Writing gives shape to thoughts that feel too heavy to carry alone and opens space for clarity, hope, and healing.

Why Journaling Helps

  • Releases emotions: Putting thoughts on paper helps release what’s bottled up inside.

  • Creates perspective: Seeing words in black and white often makes problems feel more manageable.

  • Builds self-awareness: Journaling can reveal patterns, triggers, and truths you may not notice in your head.

  • Connects with hope: Writing about gratitude, faith, or future dreams can remind you that tomorrow still matters.

Guided Prompts for Dark Moments

When you don’t know where to begin, try one of these prompts:

  1. Right now, I feel… (Name your emotions without judgment.)

  2. If I could talk to someone who fully understood me, I would say…

  3. One small thing I can do today to care for myself is…

  4. God, what do You want me to know about this pain?

  5. Three things I’ve survived before that prove I am strong are…

  6. If I could write a letter to my future self, it would say…

Each prompt is an invitation. It is not a demand. Even a few sentences can shift the weight.

Reconnecting With Life

Your journal doesn’t need to be pretty or perfect. Scribbles, prayers, drawings, or bullet points all count. What matters is that you give your inner world a voice. And when you let that voice speak, you often discover that your story is not over yet.

Psalm 34:18 reminds us: “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” God meets you in the margins of your journal and whispers that your life still has purpose.

A Gentle Reminder

If you are in a place where ending your life feels like the only option, please pause. Write it before you end it. Put the pain on paper, reach out to a trusted friend, and call for help. Your story is still unfolding, and you are needed here.

💛 If you are in crisis, call or text 988 to connect with the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. You are not alone.

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You Can Have Jesus and a Therapist

Brandi Crum, MA, LMFT

You Can Have Jesus and a Therapist

You Can Have Jesus and a Therapist

Faith and Mental Illness: They Can Coexist

For too long, Christian communities have carried the weight of stigma when it comes to mental health. Some believe that if you have enough faith, you shouldn’t struggle with depression, anxiety, or suicidal thoughts. Others whisper that seeking therapy or taking medication means you don’t trust God enough.

But here’s the truth (brace yourself): you can love Jesus and need a therapist. You can trust God and still take medication. Faith and mental illness are not enemies. Actually, they can coexist.

Scripture and Support

The Bible is full of people who wrestled with deep despair. Elijah begged God to take his life (1 Kings 19). David poured out his anguish in the Psalms. Even Jesus wept in Gethsemane, overwhelmed with sorrow (Matthew 26:38). These moments remind us that being human means carrying burdens and that God’s love meets us in our suffering.

Seeking professional help doesn’t weaken your faith; it strengthens it. Proverbs 11:14 reminds us: “Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety.” Therapy is one of the ways God provides guidance, wisdom, and healing.

Breaking the Silence

Normalizing therapy and medication in Christian spaces saves lives. When silence and shame surround mental illness, people suffer in isolation. But when the church acknowledges the reality of depression, trauma, and suicidal thoughts, hope can break through.

Imagine churches where…

  • It’s as normal to pray for someone starting antidepressants as it is for someone having surgery.

  • Testimonies of God’s faithfulness include stories of healing through therapy.

  • No one is told to “just pray harder,” but instead reminded that God works through doctors, counselors, and medicine too.

Encouragement for the Journey

If you are struggling, know this: your pain does not make you less of a Christian. You are not alone. God sees you, loves you, and has equipped people to walk with you on this journey. Jesus is your Healer, and sometimes He works through the hands of a therapist or the wisdom of a doctor.

💛 During Suicide Awareness Month, may we be the church that chooses compassion over judgment, support over silence, and healing over shame.

If you are in crisis, please call or text 988 to connect with the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.

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Neurodivergence and Suicide Risk

Brandi Crum, MA, LMFT

Neurodivergence and suicide risk

Autism, ADHD, and the Risk We Don’t Talk About

When we talk about suicide prevention, conversations often center on depression, anxiety, and trauma. These are critical discussions but there’s another group we need to talk about more openly: neurodivergent individuals living with autism, ADHD, and related conditions.

The Hidden Risk

Research shows that people on the autism spectrum are up to nine times more likely to die by suicide than the general population. For children and teens with ADHD, the risk of suicidal thoughts and behaviors is also significantly higher than average. These sobering statistics highlight a painful truth: neurodivergent individuals are often overlooked in suicide prevention efforts.

Why the increased risk?

  • Social isolation: Difficulty making or maintaining friendships can leave kids feeling lonely and disconnected.

  • Bullying and stigma: Neurodivergent children are disproportionately bullied, rejected, or misunderstood.

  • Masking: Many autistic and ADHD individuals feel pressure to hide who they are to “fit in,” which leads to exhaustion and shame.

  • Barriers to care: Mental health professionals may overlook or misunderstand neurodivergent presentations of depression or distress, delaying proper support.

Listening Beyond the Surface

One challenge in supporting neurodivergent individuals is that their struggles may not always look like “typical” signs of depression. A child who melts down or withdraws may be expressing overwhelming internal pain. Instead of labeling behavior as “problematic,” we need to ask what’s driving it beneath the surface.

How We Can Do Better

  1. Create safe spaces for expression. Encourage children to communicate in whatever way works best through words, art, movement, or assistive technology.

  2. Educate caregivers and schools. Parents, teachers, and peers need tools to understand and support neurodivergent kids without shame or punishment.

  3. Challenge stigma. Normalize conversations about autism, ADHD, and mental health. Empathy and acceptance are protective factors.

  4. Prioritize connection. Suicide risk decreases when children feel seen, valued, and supported. A consistent adult who listens can make a life-saving difference.

  5. Advocate for specialized care. Therapists and providers trained in both neurodivergence and suicide prevention are essential.

A Call to Action

Every child deserves to feel that their life matters. By paying closer attention to the intersection of neurodivergence and suicide risk, we can break silence, raise awareness, and build systems of support that truly protect vulnerable kids and teens.

💛 If you or someone you love is struggling, please know you are not alone. In the U.S., you can dial 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline to connect with help right away.

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The Face of Depression Might Be Smiling

Brandi Crum, MA, LMFT

The Face of Depression Might Be Smiling

suicide prevention header

We’ve been taught to picture depression as someone lying in bed, unable to function. And yes, depression can look like that but what you need to realize is that it doesn’t always look like that.

However, have you ever thought about this: 

*Sometimes, depression shows up in the person who never misses work.
*The friend who makes everyone laugh.
*A mom who shows up for every school event.
*The leader who keeps giving, even when they’re running on empty. 

This is high-functioning depression. High -functioning depression is when someone appears to have it all together on the outside, but inside, they’re quietly drowning.

People with high-functioning depression often:

*Keep busy to distract themselves from pain

*Smile and joke to avoid uncomfortable questions

*Achieve more than expected because they fear being “found out” as not enough

*Avoid vulnerability because they don’t want to burden others 

They may be praised for being strong, dependable, and “always there.” But no one realizes the weight they’re carrying when the crowd goes home.

Warning Signs Often Overlooked

If you look closely, you might notice:

  • Subtle withdrawal from deeper conversations
  • Over-apologizing or over-explaining
  • Always being the helper, never the one asking for help
  • Fatigue or trouble sleeping, brushed off as “just being busy”
  • Joking about “being tired of life” in a way that makes you wonder
  • Perfectionism that masks deep insecurity

Why They Hide

Shame, fear of judgment, and the belief that they must hold everything together often keep high-functioning depression hidden.

They’ve heard “You’re so strong” so many times that they believe breaking down would let everyone down.

But strength isn’t never struggling. Strength is being honest enough to let someone in.

What We Can Do

  • Ask deeper questions. Go beyond “How are you?” and wait for the real answer.
  • Offer safe space. Let them know you can handle their honesty without judgment.
  • Follow up. Check in regularly, even if they seem fine.
  • Speak life. Remind them their worth is not based on their performance.

Gentle Truth

You may never see the full weight someone is carrying. The person who lights up every room may cry in the dark when no one’s looking. Don’t assume a smile means everything is okay. 

Check on your strong friends. Send the text. Make the call. Invite them to be real. You might be the lifeline they didn’t know they could reach for.

Scripture to Carry: “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.” 

1 Thessalonians 5:11

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You Woke Up Today…Now What?

Brandi Crum, MA, LMFT

You Woke Up Today…Now What?

988

The Day After a Suicide Attempt

If you’re reading this, it means you woke up today after a suicide attempt. First, take a deep breath. You are here. That matters more than you may realize.

Right now, you may feel numb, angry, ashamed, relieved, or confused. Maybe you’re asking yourself, “Why am I still here?” or “What happens next?” These feelings are valid. Surviving a suicide attempt can be disorienting, but it can also mark the beginning of a new chapter. This is a chance to step toward healing and hope.

💛 Offer Yourself Grace

You are not defined by this attempt. You are not broken beyond repair. What you went through was not a sign of weakness but of the depth of pain you carried. Be gentle with yourself in these first hours and days. Shame may try to cling to you, but grace says: you are still worthy of love, compassion, and life.

🌱 First Steps Toward Healing

Here are some steps you can take right now, even if they feel small:

  1. Tell someone you trust. You don’t have to share every detail. Honestly, you just let someone know you need support today.

  2. Follow up with medical or mental health providers. If you were seen in the hospital, schedule that next appointment. If not, reach out to a therapist, counselor, or doctor.

  3. Make your environment safer. Remove or lock away anything you could use to harm yourself again. This is not weakness—it’s protection while you heal.

  4. Create a safety plan. Write down who you can call, what helps you calm down, and reasons you want to stay.

  5. Take it one day at a time. Healing doesn’t happen all at once. Start with today. Then tomorrow. Then the next.

🌟 Holding on to Hope

It’s okay if hope feels fragile or far away right now. Healing often begins in the smallest of ways like reaching out, taking a shower, eating a meal, or sitting in the sunlight. Each step forward matters.

And know this: your life has value simply because you exist. You don’t have to earn it. God’s Word reminds us: “Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.” (Lamentations 3:22–23). Today is proof of that mercy.

🌱 A Final Word

The day after a suicide attempt can feel heavy, but it’s not the end of your story. You survived, and that survival is not an accident. Remember, you still have purpose. You still have a future worth fighting for.

💛 If you’re navigating life’s hard places and need a safe space to heal, grow, or just breathe—Circle of Hope Counseling Services is here for you.

We offer trauma-informed, faith-filled therapy for individuals, couples, and families.

📞 Reach out today to schedule your first session (KY residents only) or learn more: Circle of Hope Counseling Services.

You don’t have to walk this journey alone. Hope starts here.

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Please Don’t Say “Selfish”

Brandi Crum, MA, LMFT

Please Don’t Say “Selfish”

Please Don’t Say “Selfish”

Words That Hurt vs. Words That Heal

When someone dies by suicide, words often tumble out of grief, confusion, and pain. But some words cut deeper than silence ever could. One of the most painful? “Selfish.”

Calling suicide “selfish” oversimplifies the complexity of mental illness and deep suffering. It adds shame to those who have died and wounds the hearts of those left behind. Our words matter. They can either deepen despair or open the door to healing.

💔 Words That Hurt

Here are some common phrases often spoken in the wake of suicide and why they wound:

  • “Selfish.” Suggests the person didn’t care about their loved ones. In reality, most who die by suicide believe others would be better off without them.

  • “They took the easy way out.” Suicide is not easy. It comes from unbearable pain, not a lack of strength.

  • “They should have asked for help.” Many do ask, in ways we don’t recognize. Shame and stigma often keep them silent.

  • “They gave up.” This disregards the battle they fought daily just to stay alive.

Each of these words places blame on the person who died rather than acknowledging the weight of their suffering.

🌱 Words That Heal

Instead, we can choose language that reflects empathy, truth, and compassion:

  • “They were hurting more than we knew.” Acknowledges their pain without judgment.

  • “Their death was not their whole story.” Affirms that they were more than how they died.

  • “I wish they had found the help and hope they deserved.” Points to the importance of support without assigning blame.

  • “I carry their memory with love.” Shifts the focus from shame to honor.

Words that heal recognize the reality of pain while honoring the dignity of the person we’ve lost.

🌟 A Better Way Forward

We can’t change the past, but we can change the way we speak. Choosing compassion over criticism helps break stigma, supports survivors of loss, and opens space for honest conversations about mental health.

Scripture reminds us: “Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body.” (Proverbs 16:24). Let’s be people who speak words that bring life, not shame.

🌱 Final Encouragement

If you’ve been hurt by careless words after losing someone to suicide, please know you’re not alone. Your grief is real, your love is valid, and your healing matters. Together, by choosing words that heal, we can create a culture of compassion and hope.

💛 If you’re navigating life’s hard places and need a safe space to heal, grow, or just breathe—Circle of Hope Counseling Services is here for you.

We offer trauma-informed, faith-filled therapy for individuals, couples, and families.

📞 Reach out today to schedule your first session (KY residents only) or learn more: Circle of Hope Counseling Services.

You don’t have to walk this journey alone. Hope starts here.

 

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Helping Kids Grieve a Suicide Loss with Compassion

Brandi Crum, MA, LMFT

Helping Kids Grieve a Suicide Loss with Compassion

988 logo

When a child or teen loses someone to suicide, their world changes in ways they may not fully understand. This kind of grief is complex and it is layered with confusion, sadness, anger, and questions that even adults struggle to answer.

As caregivers, we can’t take away the pain, but we can walk beside them through it. How we respond can shape not only how they grieve now, but how they carry loss in the years ahead.

1. Tell the Truth but With Care

Children know when something’s wrong. Using vague phrases like “passed away” or “went to sleep” can create confusion or fear. Use simple, age-appropriate language:

“They died by suicide, which means they ended their life because they were hurting in a way they couldn’t find another way out of.”

You don’t need to share all the details. You just enough for them to understand without feeling overwhelmed.

2. Make Space for All Emotions

Grief is messy. Some kids may cry. Others may seem unfazed. Some may be angry or even blame themselves. Remind them that:

  • All feelings are okay
  • Nothing they said or did caused the death
  • You’re here to listen, even if they don’t have the words yet

3. Keep Routines (But Allow Flexibility)

Structure provides a sense of safety, but grief also demands room for rest and tears. Keep daily rhythms (mealtimes, bedtime) but allow for breaks when emotions are high.

4. Answer Questions More Than Once

Grief changes as kids grow. A question they ask at 7 may return at 12 with deeper meaning. Be patient when they revisit the same questions because this is part of how they process.

5. Use Creative Outlets

Some children express grief better through drawing, writing, music, or play. Invite them to create something in memory of the person, for example, a scrapbook page, a letter, or a special place to keep mementos.

6. Model Healthy Coping

It’s okay for kids to see you cry. Showing your own emotions teaches them that grief is normal and survivable. Pair those moments with ways you take care of yourself like prayer, talking with a friend, or taking a walk. 

7. Offer Spiritual Comfort Without Shame

For faith-based families, Scripture can offer deep comfort but avoid using verses to rush grief or silence emotions. Instead, gently remind them:

  • God is near to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18)
  • It’s okay to be sad and still trust God’s goodness
  • Their loved one’s struggles do not define their worth 

8. Get Professional Support if Needed

Children and teens may benefit from grief counseling, especially when suicide is involved. A therapist can help them untangle feelings of guilt, fear, or abandonment in a safe, supportive space. 

Gentle Truth

You don’t have to have perfect words. What kids need most is your presence, honesty, and love. Walking them through this loss with compassion plants seeds of resilience that will last a lifetime. 

If a Child You Know Is Struggling: Call or text 988 in the U.S., or visit Find a Helpline for support worldwide.

Scripture to Carry: “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18

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When Trauma Speaks Through Silence

Brandi Crum, MA, LMFT

When Trauma Speaks Through Silence

you are not alone

Some pain is loud like tears, yelling, desperate pleas for help.
Other pain is quiet like withdrawal, numbness, the smile that hides the storm.

For many people, that quiet pain is the echo of trauma. And sometimes, that trauma whispers a dangerous lie: You’d be better off gone.

How Trauma Shapes the Mind and Body

Unresolved trauma isn’t just a memory. It’s an ongoing experience stored in the nervous system. It can leave a person in a constant state of:

  • Hyperarousal — anxiety, irritability, feeling on edge
  • Hypoarousal — numbness, exhaustion, emotional disconnection

Both states can feed hopelessness. When someone feels stuck in a cycle they can’t escape, the thought of ending the pain can begin to feel like the only way out.

Why Trauma Increases Suicide Risk

Trauma can:

  • Distort self-worth — convincing you you’re broken or unworthy of love
  • Create emotional isolation — making it hard to trust others or believe they care
  • Fuel shame — especially if the trauma was never acknowledged or validated
  • Trigger intrusive memories — overwhelming flashbacks that make life feel unbearable

Without intervention, these effects can snowball into chronic despair.

The Silent Signals

People carrying trauma may not always show obvious warning signs. You might notice:

  • A sudden withdrawal from friends and activities
  • Flat or “robotic” emotional responses
  • Talking about being a burden
  • Uncharacteristic risk-taking behaviors
  • Giving away cherished belongings

These signs often speak the language of pain long before the person speaks it aloud.

Where Hope Lives: Healing the Nervous System

Recovery isn’t just about “thinking positive” but it’s about helping the body and mind feel safe again. This can include:

  • Therapy
  • Grounding practices — deep breathing, sensory engagement, mindfulness
  • Safe connections — trusted relationships that offer consistent presence and care
  • Faith practices — prayer, worship, and Scripture that remind you God is near to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18)

As the nervous system learns safety again, hopelessness loses its grip.

Gentle Truth

Trauma may speak through silence, but it does not have the final word. Healing is possible. Joy can return. And even if it feels far away right now, you are worth the time and care it takes to get there.

If You Are Struggling: Call or text 988 in the U.S. or visit Find a Helpline to connect with support worldwide. You are not alone.

Scripture to Carry: “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18

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From a Therapist’s Chair Let’s Talk About Suicide

Brandi Crum, MA, LMFT

you are not alone

From a Therapist’s Chair Let’s Talk About Suicide

Over the years as a therapist, I’ve sat across from people carrying pain so heavy they wondered if life was worth continuing. I’ve also sat with those same people months or years later, watching them laugh again, love again, and live in ways they couldn’t imagine when we first met.

Suicide is one of the hardest conversations to have, but avoiding it only deepens the silence and stigma that can keep people suffering alone. It’s time we talked about it openly, truthfully, and compassionately.

Myth #1: Talking About Suicide Puts the Idea in Someone’s Head

Truth: You can’t plant suicidal thoughts by asking about them. In fact, asking directly can open a door for honesty and relief. People often feel more supported (and less alone) when someone gives them permission to speak their truth without judgment.

Myth #2: People Who Talk About Suicide Are Just Seeking Attention

Truth: If someone is talking about ending their life, believe them. That “attention” they’re seeking is often connection, validation, and help. Taking it seriously can save a life.

Myth #3: Faith Should Be Enough to Protect Someone

Truth: Faith can be a powerful source of hope, but it doesn’t make anyone immune to depression, trauma, or suicidal thoughts. Mental illness affects people in the church as much as those outside it. Struggling with suicidal thoughts is not a sign of weak faith but it’s a sign someone is hurting and needs care.

Myth #4: Suicide Happens Without Warning

Truth: While some suicides are impulsive, most people show signs, though they’re often subtle. Changes in mood, withdrawal from loved ones, loss of interest in things they once enjoyed, or sudden calm after distress can all be signals something is wrong.

What I’ve Seen From the Therapist’s Chair

I’ve had clients come to me convinced they wouldn’t make it to next week. I’ve also watched those same clients:

  • Rebuild their relationships
  • Find purpose in helping others
  • Experience joy they thought was gone forever

Recovery is possible. The presence of suicidal thoughts does not mean the absence of hope. It means hope feels far away, and we may need to help someone find their way back to it.

What You Can Do

  • Ask directly if you’re concerned: “Are you thinking about ending your life?”
  • Listen without trying to immediately fix it
  • Help connect them to professional support
  • Follow up, even after the crisis seems to have passed

Gentle Truth

Suicide is complex, but one thing is certain: the more we talk about it with compassion and honesty, the more lives we can help save. You may never know how much your presence means to someone standing on the edge.

If You Are Struggling:

In the U.S., call or text 988 or use Find a Helpline to locate help anywhere in the world. You are not alone, and your story is not over.

Scripture to Carry: “The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.” John 1:5

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Creating a Safety Plan Can Save a Life

Brandi Crum, MA, LMFT

Creating a Safety Plan Can Save a Life

crisis intervention plan

When a mental health crisis hits, it can feel like the ground drops out from under you. Thinking clearly becomes almost impossible, and the very steps that could help you feel safe can seem out of reach. 

That’s why creating a safety plan before a crisis happens is so important. It’s like a lifeline you prepare in calm moments so it’s ready to grab when the storm comes.

What Is a Safety Plan?

A safety plan is a personalized, step-by-step guide you create in advance to help you navigate moments of intense distress or suicidal thoughts. It’s not just for people in immediate crisis. It’s for anyone who’s ever felt overwhelmed, hopeless, or afraid they might harm themselves.

It can be written in a notebook, saved on your phone, or shared with a trusted friend. What matters most is that it’s accessible and specific to you.

Why It Matters

When emotions are high, logic takes a back seat. A safety plan takes the guesswork out of what to do next. It reminds you that you’ve already chosen life in your calmer moments and gives you the tools to hold onto it when it’s hardest.

A Simple Safety Plan Template

You can adapt this to fit your needs, but here’s a basic outline:

Warning Signs

  • Thoughts, feelings, or behaviors that signal I might be heading into crisis.
  • Example: Feeling hopeless, withdrawing from friends, trouble sleeping, increased anxiety.

Coping Strategies I Can Try on My Own

  • Activities or techniques to distract, comfort, or calm myself.
  • Example: Go for a walk, listen to worship music, journal, pray, watch a favorite show.

People and Places That Help Me Feel Safe

  • Friends, family, or locations where I can feel grounded.
  • Example: Call a friend, sit in my church, visit my sister’s house.

Who I Can Call for Help

  • Crisis lines, therapists, or trusted loved ones who can help me stay safe.
  • Example: Therapist: Circle of Hope Counseling Services (270.564.1966), National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 988.

Making My Environment Safer

  • Steps to reduce access to means of self-harm.
  • Example: Give my medications to my spouse to hold, lock away firearms, avoid alcohol or drugs when feeling low.

One Reason to Keep Living

  • Something deeply personal to hold onto.
  • Example: My children, my faith, my future plans, knowing God isn’t finished with my story.

Faith and Safety Plans

Creating a safety plan doesn’t mean you lack faith. It means you are stewarding your life as the gift it is. Proverbs 27:12 says, “The prudent see danger and take refuge.”

Preparing a plan is taking refuge before the danger comes. It’s not doubting God’s care. It’s partnering with Him in caring for yourself.

Gentle Encouragement

You are worth protecting. Your life is worth preparing for. And the plan you make today could be the lifeline that keeps you here tomorrow.

If You Are Struggling: Call or text 988 in the U.S. or use Find a Helpline for help in your country. You are not alone.

Scripture to Carry: “The Lord is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” Psalm 91:2

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What Suicide Really Looks Like

Brandi Crum, MA, LMFT

What Suicide Really Looks Like

what suicide really looks like

When most people picture suicide, they imagine someone looking sad, withdrawn, or talking openly about wanting to die. While those signs can be present, the truth is far more complex and often, far quieter. Suicide doesn’t always look like lying in bed all day or crying nonstop. It can look like a smile. Also, it can look like showing up to work. It can look like someone making small talk at church, hiding a private storm that’s been building for years.

The Connection Between Trauma and Suicide

Trauma changes the way the brain and body process stress, safety, and hope. Unresolved trauma can lead to:

  • Chronic emotional pain
  • Difficulty regulating emotions
  • Persistent feelings of worthlessness or shame
  • Belief that nothing will ever get better

This creates fertile ground for hopelessness which is a major risk factor for suicide.

The Role of Hopelessness

Hopelessness isn’t just sadness. It’s the crushing belief that things will never change, that the weight you’re carrying will never lighten. For many, it’s not about wanting to die. Honestly, it’s about wanting the pain to stop.

Impulsivity: The Dangerous Window

Some people live with long-term suicidal thoughts; for others, the urge can come suddenly and intensely. This is why access to lethal means during a moment of crisis can be so dangerous. The time between decision and action can be minutes or even seconds.

It’s Not Always About Death

Here’s the part that’s hardest to understand: For many, suicide isn’t about truly wanting life to end. It’s about wanting the unbearable emotional pain to end. They may feel trapped, powerless, or convinced they’re a burden to the people they love.

How We Respond Matters

If we want to prevent suicide, we have to:

  • Learn the less obvious signs (withdrawing from close friends, sudden calm after distress, giving away possessions, talking about feeling trapped)
  • Ask direct, compassionate questions: “Are you thinking about ending your life?”
  • Listen without judgment or quick fixes
  • Encourage and help connect to professional support

Gentle Truth

Suicide is complex, but the heart of it is pain: emotional, mental, spiritual. When we understand that, we can meet people in their suffering with empathy instead of assumptions.

If You Are Struggling:

You are not a burden. You are not beyond help. Your story isn’t over.
In the U.S., call or text 988 or use Find a Helpline to connect with help wherever you are.

Scripture to Carry: “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Psalm 147:3

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The Day the World Stopped Turning: A Tribute to LA

Brandi Crum, MA, LMFT

The Day the World Stopped Turning: A Tribute to LA

the day the world stop turning

June 19, 2018. 

That was the day the world stopped turning.

I got the news that my dear friend LA was gone…taken by suicide. I remember where I was, what I was doing, and the way the air seemed to leave the room. Everything slowed down, and yet everything hurt all at once.

LA wasn’t just my friend. She was a light. LA could walk into a room and instantly make it warmer. She had a laugh that felt like home and a way of making people feel seen. LA was the kind of person who could talk to anyone, who made you feel like you mattered.

And yet, beneath her smile and her strength, she was hurting in ways most people never knew.

What We Don’t See

That’s the thing about mental illness. Mental illness doesn’t always look like what we expect.

LA loved deeply. She gave generously. She encouraged others endlessly. But she was carrying pain she didn’t feel safe enough to fully share.

Too often, we assume the strong ones are fine. We assume the ones who make us laugh the hardest are okay. But the truth is, sometimes they’re the ones hurting the most.

Why This Tribute Matters

Talking about suicide can feel uncomfortable, but silence only strengthens stigma. And stigma keeps people from speaking up when they need help most.

By telling LA’s story, I’m not trying to define her by how she died. Honestly, I want to remember her for how she lived. But I also want to remind us all that mental illness is not a moral failing, and suicidal thoughts are not a measure of faith, strength, or worth.

How We Honor LA

We honor her by:

  • Checking on our strong friends, even when they seem fine
  • Asking deeper questions and truly listening
  • Making it safe for people to say, “I’m not okay” without fear of judgment
  • Refusing to reduce someone’s life to their hardest moment

We honor her by breaking the silence, by speaking truth into the darkness, and by telling anyone who needs to hear it: Your life matters. You matter. There is help.

If You Are Struggling

I wish I could go back and tell LA one more time how loved she was. I wish I could have reminded her that this moment, this pain, would not last forever.

If you are reading this and you are hurting, please hear me…you are not a burden. Your story is not over.

Call or text 988 in the U.S., or for outside the US, call this number.

Final Words

LA’s life was a gift. Her absence is a reminder to keep showing up for each other. To speak life into weary hearts. To never assume that a smile means everything is okay.

The day the world stopped turning for me was the day she left it. But I will keep telling her story and not because of how it ended, but because of the love, laughter, and light she brought into it.

Scripture to Carry:
 “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”  Psalm 34:18

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What to Say (and Not Say) to Someone Who’s Suicidal

Brandi Crum, MA, LMFT

What to say (and Not Say) to Someone Who’s Suicidal

what to say and not to say to someone who is suicidal

It’s one of the hardest conversations you’ll ever have when you begin realizing someone you love might be thinking about ending their life. You may fear saying the wrong thing, making it worse, or crossing a line.

But here’s the truth: you can’t put the thought in their head by asking. In fact, your willingness to speak up could save their life.

1. Start by Asking Directly

Don’t dance around it. Use clear, compassionate language:

  • “I’ve noticed you’ve seemed really down lately, and I’m worried about you. Are you thinking about hurting yourself?”
  • “It sounds like you’re going through a lot. Have you had any thoughts about ending your life?
  • Avoid vague phrases like “You’re not thinking of doing anything crazy, are you?” This is because they can shut down honesty and add shame.

2. Listen Without Fixing

If they open up, your job isn’t to solve their problems in that moment. Remember, it’s simply to listen.

  • “That sounds really heavy. I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way.”
  • “Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me.”
  • “I’m here with you. You don’t have to go through this alone.”

Avoid:

  • “You just need to pray more.”
  • “Other people have it worse.”
  • “But you have so much to be grateful for.”

These responses, even if well-intentioned, can feel dismissive and isolating.

3. Offer Support, Not Just Encouragement

Encouragement is good but action is better.

  • “Can I stay with you for a while?”
  • “Would you like me to go with you to talk to a counselor or pastor?”
  • “Let’s call a crisis line together so you don’t have to do it alone.”

If they’re in immediate danger, stay with them and call 911 or a local crisis line 988.

4. Follow Up

One conversation is not enough. Check in regularly, even if they seem “better.” A text, a call, or a simple “thinking of you” can remind them they matter.

Gentle Truth

You don’t have to have all the answers. You just have to be willing to enter the dark with someone and remind them there’s still light and that you’re willing to help them find it.

National Resources (U.S.)

  • 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: Call or text 988
  • Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741
  • Veterans Crisis Line: Call 988, then press 1

If you’re outside the U.S., you can find international hotlines here: Find a helpline

Scripture to Carry:

“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” Galatians 6:2

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Yes Christians Can Feel Suicidal

Brandi Crum, MA, LMFT

Yes Christians Can Feel Suicidal

Yes Christians can feel suicidal

Too many faith circles still whisper about suicide with shame or avoid talking about it altogether. The silence is deafening for those who are struggling. And because of that silence, many believers suffer in secret.

They wonder:

If I love God, why do I feel this way?
 If I’m truly saved, shouldn’t I have hope?
 Will people think I’m weak or worse, faithless?

Here’s the truth that needs to be said out loud: Yes, Christians can feel suicidal.

Faith and Depression Can Coexist

Your faith in Jesus does not make you immune to mental illness, trauma, or overwhelming despair. We live in a broken world, and our minds and bodies bear the weight of that brokenness.

In Scripture, we see God’s people cry out in deep anguish:

  • Elijah prayed that God would take his life (1 Kings 19:4).
  • David wrote psalms filled with sorrow, fear, and hopelessness.
  • Even Jesus wept in the Garden of Gethsemane, His soul “overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death” (Matthew 26:38).

Feeling suicidal does not mean you’ve lost your faith. It means you’re human and you’re hurting.

Why the Church Must Speak Up

When churches treat mental health struggles as spiritual failures, we add another layer of pain. Stigma keeps people silent. Silence keeps people isolated. And isolation can be deadly.

We need to replace shame with safety. Judgment with listening. Quick fixes with compassion.

A Compassionate Theology of Struggle

  • God’s love is not dependent on your emotional state.
  • Salvation is not erased by your mental health battles.
  • Suffering does not mean you’re outside of God’s care. It means you need His people to surround you with grace and presence.

Romans 8:38-39 reminds us that nothing….not death, life, angels, demons, fears for today, or worries about tomorrow….can separate us from the love of God.

If You’re Struggling Right Now

  • Tell someone safe. A friend, pastor, therapist, or crisis counselor.
  • Stay connected. Isolation fuels hopelessness. Find one person to check in with daily.
  • Remember: This moment is not forever. Your story is still being written.

If you are in crisis, please reach out to the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988. You are not a burden. You are loved.

In too many faith circles, suicide is still whispered about with shame or not talked about at all. The silence is deafening for those who are struggling. And because of that silence, many believers suffer in secret.

They wonder:
If I love God, why do I feel this way?
 If I’m truly saved, shouldn’t I have hope?
 Will people think I’m weak—or worse, faithless?

Here’s the truth that needs to be said out loud: Yes, Christians can feel suicidal.

Gentle Truth

Having faith doesn’t mean you’ll never feel despair. It means that even in your darkest valley, God’s presence goes with you. And sometimes, His comfort comes through the hands, words, and prayers of His people if we’re brave enough to show up for each other.

Scripture to Hold:

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”  Psalm 34:18

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You’re Not Lazy, You’re Likely Burned Out

Brandi Crum, MA, LMFT

You’re Not Lazy, You’re Likely Burned Out

You’re Not Lazy, You’re Likely Burned Out

There’s a quiet shame that comes with burnout.

You’re exhausted, unmotivated, and things you used to enjoy feel like too much. And in that fog, it’s easy to label yourself: lazy, unproductive, failing.

But let’s tell the truth right here: You’re not lazy. You’re likely burned out.

1. Burnout Is Not a Character Flaw

Burnout isn’t a lack of willpower or a sign you don’t care enough. It’s a state of physical, emotional, and spiritual depletion after running too hard for too long without enough rest or replenishment.

Even Jesus took time away from crowds, needs, and demands. Luke 5:16 says, “But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed.” If the Son of God needed rest, so do you.

2. How Burnout Shows Up

Burnout doesn’t always look like collapse. Honestly, it often sneaks in. Signs include:

  • Feeling constantly tired no matter how much you sleep

  • Struggling to focus or make decisions

  • Dreading things you used to enjoy

  • Irritability or emotional numbness

  • Physical symptoms like headaches, tension, or stomach issues

3. Why You Might Be Here

Burnout often happens when:

  • You say yes more than you say no

  • You’ve been in survival mode for too long

  • You’re carrying emotional pain without space to process it

  • You believe rest must be earned instead of given

4. The Way Out

Healing from burnout requires intention. You can’t “push through” burnout. Remember, you have to pause and replenish.

Steps toward recovery:

  • Rest without guilt. Give yourself permission to do less, not as an escape, but as a reset.

  • Reconnect to joy in small ways. Listen to music you love, sit in the sun, make a favorite meal.

  • Release what’s not yours to carry. Some burdens belong in God’s hands, not yours.

  • Refill spiritually. Spend time in prayer, read Scripture slowly, or simply sit in God’s presence.

5. Speak Truth Over Yourself

Replace “I’m lazy” with:

  • I’m tired, and I’m worthy of rest.

  • I’m healing, not failing.

  • I’m slowing down to walk in step with God.

💛 Gentle Encouragement

You are not lazy. You are weary and there’s a difference. One is a flaw of character. The other is a human reality. And God meets you in both.

He is not waiting for you to “get it together” before He draws near. He is near now. And He offers you rest. This is not just for your body, but for your soul.

Scripture to Carry:
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” — Matthew 11:28

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