Tag: childhood memories

Guest Blogger

The Things You Need to Know About Nana

Brandi C

The Things You Need to Know About Nana

The Things You Need to Know About Nana

In The Things You Need to Know About Nana, my guest blogger uses her words to convey the love she has for her grandmother. They had a tight bond that this young girl missed terribly.

Dearest Nana

The past six years of my life have been awful, and you not being here has made that even. You were my person, and you left me. I had to deal with everything alone, and to be honest. I am sick of it. You were the glue that held the family together. Once you died, everything changed. I wish I could put into words how much I miss you. Honestly, I know it is selfish, but I would give anything for you to be here with me. I feel like life would be better if you were here. Sadly, I miss my best friend, the one I knew I could count on for everything. I miss the person who was brutally honest with me. 

I wish we could lie together and watch one more scary movie. Or, I wish I could sleep in the bed with you one more time. I wish I could hear more stories from your childhood. I always enjoyed those. Furthermore, I want to listen to you try to pronounce “Aluminum” one last time. That was hilarious. I took my time with you for granted. 

I’m sorry I couldn’t heal you. I couldn’t make you feel better. I did everything I could. It’s important you know I did my best. I was young, and I did the best I could. When you first got sick, I prayed to God that you at least lived until I was Eleven. Two and a half months after my Eleventh birthday, you died. That has haunted me since the day you died. I’m sorry. Losing you is one of the hardest things I have ever gone through, and it’s a wound time will never heal.

Thankful

Today, I am thankful for my granny. There has never been another person like her. She loved so completely. I miss her face, her hugs, and her love. Granny knew everything. I could come to her with anything, and she would tell me what to do. When I was in the wrong, she was quick to correct me. Yes, I would cry, hurting my feelings, but in the end, she was right. Geez, I miss her.

 

Circle of Hope Counseling Services, End the Stigma, Guest Blogger, Suicide Awareness and Prevention

This is When It Began

Brandi C

This is When It Began

In This is When It Began, this sweet girl reflects on her father and the beginning of her abuse. It is so painful for me to read, yet I know it will be healing. As I have said before, you must walk through the pain before healing. That is precisely what she is doing.

I Remember When

I remember the days when we would sit on the couch and watch tv or work on my homework together,

The days when I was the one you cared for, the apple of your eye, so to speak.

I remember us taking four-wheeler rides through our land back when we were still a single-family.

Back before the war between the parents where the kids had to choose sides

Where the kids had to learn who would do what.

Relearning Life

This was before the manipulation and the lies from both sides.

I wish we could have the same relationship as we did then.

When you were the one I cared for the most

But then it happened.

You Left.

You should have tried harder.

You should have at least fought for your family

but you gave in and moved out.

This is When it Began.

Mom found a new man.

We stayed with our grandparents most of the time.

This is where the abuse began.

The man who was supposed to be an uncle

turned out to be a child abuser.

As I stayed in silence, he became your friend

and this is how it came down in the end.

You Did Nothing but Sit

You didn’t try to do anything.

Instead, you said you knew people inside.

This was probably a lie.

Which are you didn’t care what had happened

or at least you didn’t care enough.

If you did, you would have done something. Anything would have been enough.

Enough to Show that You Cared for Me

Anything at all would have sufficed.

Years later, I still hold you at fault whether I should or not.

I just wish you had seen what was going on.

I mean, there were signs.

But I Can’t Blame You for Someone Else’s Decisions.

Just for yours at that was to do nothing.

Yes, I’m still mad and still sad.

And I know I should forgive you for this one thing.

But I just can’t until I understand why.

Resources

If you or someone you know is being abused, PLEASE reach out.

ChildHelp Hotline

National Domestic Violence Hotline

Suicide Prevention Lifeline