Category: Guest Blogger

Depression, Guest Blogger, Suicide Awareness and Prevention

The Reality of my Nightmare

Barefoot Faith Journey

The Reality of my Nightmare

In The Reality of my Nightmare, my guest blogger writes about her interpretation of the trials that surrounded her. She writes it as if she were me. I read it the morning of my friend’s funeral. She is pretty spot on in all that she said.

The Reality of my Nightmare

Writing this seems like a nightmare

I am waiting to wake up from this nightmare because of how real it feels. But when I open my eyes, it will all go away. No. This nightmare is real. I can’t believe this is happening to me. Why? Why me? What did I do wrong to cause these people to knock on my door? Who has been watching me and observing my every movement? 

I am afraid

Afraid to raise my voice even the slightest bit because someone might be watching. Also, I am scared to take my child to the other room for fear that someone might think I will punish them. Afraid to go out in public with my child for fear that someone will judge me the wrong way and call them again. Why me? 

Raising Kids

Raising kids is hard, especially 7 of them. They are all so different in so many ways. Yet, I would not change a single hair on their head because I love them so much. I love my kids with every fiber of my being. I would gladly take any strife or burdens off their shoulders. I will put them on my own if it helps them and their future. 

My kids are special.

Some have mentally challenging issues. Then, others have some physical problems that need my constant attention. Being a mom is hard. It is tiring even. Yet, I am glad God chose these beautiful children to be mine. 

I love fiercely and will do anything in my power to protect them from the world and its temptations. Sometimes, I help others before I think about myself and my needs. I have run ragged, going in different directions to help those in need as God calls me to do. Honestly, I try to open myself up to other moms in various clubs and organizations my kids participate. I try to help them and converse with them when they need a friend or a shoulder to cry on. 

But You

You took care of my child when he played sports on your team. He became best friends with your kids. I thought you loved him like one of your own. He stayed at your house and slept over so many nights. Every time, he had a blast when he came home beaming from ear to ear. He would tell me all about how fun it is at your house. 

Invitation then Betrayal

I invited you into my home, which we manage to keep clean amongst the chaos of having multiple children and animals in the house. And yet, you betrayed my trust by calling them. Why? Why me? 

You know my child is well-fed. We give him clothes and things to toys. Furthermore, we keep him involved in sports. Importantly, we teach him the love of Jesus in everything we do. We fight for him daily because he is different. And that’s okay because I love him so much.

How Would You Feel

You are a mother with kids of your own. How would you feel if someone called them? They showed up at your doorstep asking to be invited in. Then ask you probing questions about your home and relationships with your kids? And what if you found out that it was a supposed “friend” who called them on you. 

How would you feel? 

Betrayed? 

Confused? 

I should hope so. 

That is how I felt. 

Terrifying Agony

The terrifying agony that my kids could be ripped away from me with no warning. Sadly, the wailing and uncontrollable sobbing happened in my car when I got the call. My heart can’t take it anymore. I am so tired of having to justify myself to these people. Justify every action that I do and every word that comes out of my mouth. 

How would you feel? 

Would you demand an explanation from your “friend” and say some nasty things to them in retaliation? Would you constantly look over your shoulder to make sure no one was watching you if you ever had to punish your child in public? Or are you one of those parents letting their children run amuck and do whatever they want? 

Either way, I want you to know that it is understandable if you did not know the family or had never been in their home and seen how the family operates. It would be understandable if you didn’t know my son or me. 

But you did know us. 

I was at every game. I talked to you all the time. And yet, you still called. I could trust you. You have betrayed my trust. But I choose to let God be in control of my situation. I prefer to let God judge your actions when you get to Heaven instead of judging you, which I am not called to do. 

Honestly, I choose to love like Jesus with skin on and be the city on a hill for you. I prefer to let God listen to my sorrowful prayers and collect my tears in a jar. Furthermore, I choose to let God pick me up and comfort me because he knows I am the mom He called me to be. I am not perfect. But God does not call us to be perfect. He calls us to be his disciples and to love our neighbor in his word. 

My house may be messy sometimes, and my kids may drive me crazy most days, but in what reality is home always tidy and the kids always clean and well-behaved? I would love to meet those people and that family. 

Haven’t you ever made a mistake as a parent? 

Because if you say no, that is a bold-faced lie. We fail daily at things. The key is learning from those mistakes, moving on, and leaving the past behind us. Those failures are also successes. I have put several of my kids through a full education (and I have homeschooled them for many years as well). Two of them graduated with honors, which is a huge accomplishment.

Mama Pride

One of my kids is married with a baby on the way. I could not be happier for my sweet child. My smallest child is excelling at what doctors told us would be impossible. Yet, with me by his side, he has survived those odds. 

The moments of pride I feel for the children I raised surpass the moments of sadness I think when things like this happen. I choose to find the beauty in the ashes. I will stand tall and not be shaken by people’s opinions of my family and me.

My Choices

So I will also choose to continue to stand by my children and attend every activity, club, and sporting event they are in. And if you other moms judge me or whisper tall tales about me that are not even true, I will smile and turn the other cheek as God has called me to, even if it is the hardest thing I have ever done.

Cruelty of Others

People can be so cruel nowadays, and they always look at the plank in someone else’s eye rather than focusing on the speck of dirt in their eye. Words can slice through a person and bring them down when we should be standing together as moms and supporting one another rather than bringing them down and jumping to conclusions by calling the organization before they have the facts straight. 

No, we moms are not perfect. But we are doing the best we can with the circumstances we are currently in and the children with whom the Lord has blessed us. I will continue to be the city on a hill and shine my light bright for my kids and you. 

And I know deep down in my heart that God will be pleased with my strength and integrity, and when I get to Heaven, He will say, “Well done, my good and faithful servant.” I can not wait for that day to come. 

In the meantime

I will continue to be the most fantastic mom to my kids and a faithful spouse to my husband. I am showing them the light of God. Continuing to shield them from the world will be a lifelong journey, but I would not change one thing about it, not for you or any other mom who says a spiteful word towards me. 

I will pray for you even though it is painful. Because in my darkest moments, I cling to Jesus the most, and when my faith is tested, I come out stronger than ever because my Redeemer is with me. No more hiding. No more fear. I will not be afraid. 

 

Guest Blogger

Revelations of an 18-Year-Old and Social Media Dangers

Barefoot Faith Journey

Revelations of an 18-Year-Old and Social Media Dangers

Revelations of an 18-Year-Old and Social Media Dangers

Here are the Revelations of an 18-Year-Old and Social Media Dangers. Every day we get on our phones and scroll aimlessly through social media. We comment on and like our friend’s photos. We even comment on and like celebrities’ photos. Every day we are exposed to pictures and other media that hurt our self-esteem. Every time we go on social media, we see images of people who look a way that we don’t or have things that we don’t, and that causes us to think more negative things about ourselves because we are those other people.

Kids Getting Phones TOO Soon

Kids are getting phones younger and younger these days. I am not shaming anyone, but I feel that it is vital that we look at how social media and phones can affect young and impressionable kids.

 

Growing up, I got a phone when I was in 7th grade. I had to share the phone with my many brothers and sisters. Looking back, creating my social media at such a young age was a stupid idea. From then on, I noticed how much I started to compare myself to other girls. I began to despise myself after a while because I didn’t look like the girls I saw on the internet. I couldn’t fit into a size zero, where my body image issues started.

 

What Happened After a Couple of Years

 

After two years, I slowly started skipping meals. It started slow, maybe skipping a meal or two a week. It got worse rather quickly. I went from only missing one or two meals a week to only eating once a week. I truly felt that there was nothing wrong with that behavior. I felt normal. I got down to a very small size, the smallest I’ve been, and It just wasn’t good for me. Even though I was tiny, I felt like I was 400 pounds. The truth is, I still haven’t fully recovered from my eating disorder. It wasn’t until a few months ago that I started eating more regularly. It’s been rough trying to get myself back on track.

 

It wasn’t until I decided to delete my TikTok and other apps that hurt me mentally That I realized how much those apps impacted me. It was such a toxic environment, and I decided I didn’t want to live in such a vicious cycle. It was genuinely never-ending. Exposing young children, especially young girls, is harmful. I am very passionate about it because I know how much it has affected me.

 

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Lyme Disease Information, Diagnosis, and Healing

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Lyme Disease Information, Diagnosis, and Healing

Lyme Disease Information, Diagnosis, and Healing

My friend, Lesley Emerson, wrote about her daughter’s Lyme Disease journey a few years ago. Soon after that, we did a series of informational posts on Lyme. After the series, Callie was brave enough to write and bear her soul on this journey of illness, healing, and faith. To ensure this story is not buried amongst other blog posts, I thought I would consolidate them all.

What is Lyme Disease

What IS Lyme Disease? Borrelia: A tick-borne illness that can cause fatigue, flu-like symptoms, and a bulls-eye rash. The bulls-eye rash is only one part of Lyme Disease. There are about a billion other things that are comorbid with this disease. The bulls-eye rash is unmistakable. What starts as a tiny little bump begins to get bigger, warmer, and hard around the center. That’s when you know it is more than a typical tick bite. Seek treatment. Do not settle.

It is a corkscrew-shaped bacteria that gets all up and “screws” into place. The shape makes it incredibly hard to get rid of in the body. There is so much information on the CDC website.

I mean, look at that list above. ALS! MS! Alzheimer’s! Lupus! Bi-Polar Disorder! There are so many more. I’m so thankful for where the Lord led us.

As we followed His path, Callie was healed through non-typical methods. Step out of your box—color outside the lines. Be the patient who does not settle for a blanket diagnosis. Find the root of your illness. You can do this because you are capable and strong.

Lyme Disease Easy to Diagnose

Lyme Disease is easy to diagnose and is easy to treat. You might assume that if it were a possible cause of your illness, your medical provider would have considered that before your diagnosis, and there’s no need to discuss it now.

If Lyme Disease is easy to diagnose, why isn’t it standard practice for anyone showing signs of autoimmune illness, mental illness, autism, or other related illnesses? It’s pure and simple, and nothing shows it better than this picture of Callie administering her IV antibiotics that cost us (with insurance) $700 per week. 

Yes, we had insurance, but they paid for only the first 30 days of treatment. Thirty days is not nearly enough. Callie did this 3-4 times each day and would become very ill afterward. Our medical system has been taken over by greed, thus tying the hands of and misinforming our medical personnel.

I admired his conviction, but honestly, I cannot imagine risking my livelihood for someone I barely know. Please do not assume your doctors considered the possibility of Lyme before diagnosing you with something else.

Btw we found a much cheaper alternative, so don’t let that scare you.

Guess who has Lyme disease: Hereditary??

Hey! Guess Who Has Lyme Disease? ME!

By definition, the word hereditary means determined by genetic factors. Simply put, it can be passed down from generation to generation because Lyme is not correctly diagnosed (or misdiagnosed) or treated promptly. Lyme disease and co-infections are a generation-to-generation gift.

Although I’ve never been sick like Callie was, I know I am a carrier of this little gem because she had it. A tick can carry Lyme disease. However, Lyme is likely to be congenital.

Have you ever noticed that people in your family have similar health issues? Do you ever wonder why or think you are next in line for XY or Z? It doesn’t matter that you have had a negative test for Lyme.

Callie Had Three Negative Tests

The discouragement is real. Also, the weird and random symptoms were real. Fighting, going against the grain of society, and seeking out alternative healing methods is the key. I’m not saying that modern medicine is not something you need. It is. What I’m saying is sometimes you need more.

Lyme Disease does not travel alone. It’s important not to think chronic Lyme disease only stems from ticks. It is most often congenital and is a gift handed down from your parents.

One of the reasons it can be challenging to diagnose or be considered is because the symptoms are so broad. The signs are widespread because several co-infections go along with Lyme, and everyone has a different combo of them.

Lyme never comes alone. It always brings at least one co-infection. Your symptoms may be fatigue and pain, while another has migraines or depression. That’s because you have different co-infections.

Callie had Lyme and four co-infections. Guess who tested positive (although symptom-free) for Lyme and the same four co-infections?

My parents–yup!

Why are they symptom-free? Here’s how it works: God made you with a fully functioning immune system, and if we left it alone, it could handle all the gunk we inherited, plus things we are exposed to now.

Any number of things can give it a whack and make it limp a bit where it cannot fight at its full potential. When that happens, some of these fundamental things can pop up. Of course, we all know that the food we eat and all the junk we are doing to ourselves are a factor. Then other things can give your immune system a whack that’s just enough to be a trigger.

For Callie, it was an exposure to an insecticide (probably while playing soccer). Then she had her 6th-grade booster shots. That whacked her body just enough that she began having her first of many symptoms a month after having them. Because Lyme Disease does not travel alone, she not only Lyme but four other co-infections her body was battling.

Any Big Stressor

I’ve heard others have been in a car wreck or gone through a divorce (any significant stress). Some had gotten a flu shot, had anesthesia or had a significant health crisis. Afterward, their symptoms began.

All of those things can affect the function of your immune system letting congenital Lyme take over. Once Lyme Disease takes over and does not travel alone, other symptoms begin to emerge.

So if your family tree looks similar to the one below, there’s probably a good reason.

ALS and Lyme

ALS and Lyme Sneaky Little Bug. Lou Gehrig’s Disease is often misdiagnosed. However, the root is undiagnosed Lyme Disease. Lyme is such a sneaky little bug.

There are so many things that run comorbid with Lyme. The comorbid diagnosis is the one with the name, when Lyme gets away, undetected. Again, have your doctor do testing through Igenex. That is the key. Please, advocate for yourself if something seems off.

Sadly, it is the beast that is Lyme Disease.

This disease is horrible. A cure needs to be found. It saddens me that one little thing can cause and wreak so much havoc. So often, it is misdiagnosed, and people suffer. Needlessly. I mean, I had Lyme show up because my mom had it. We have to advocate for ourselves and our health. No one else will do it because only you know you.

For more on ALS, please check out The ALS Association.

Where does it hurt?

So, where does it hurt? Your joints, your head, your fingertips, your back? Why are there so many symptoms of Lyme disease?

The bacteria is corkscrew-shaped and can bore into any tissue or organ in your body. How scary is that? It makes me think of something that bores into my skin or organs.

Some people have neurological issues because it is predominantly in their brain, some in their digestive tract or back, or anywhere from the top of your head to the bottom of your toes, making it difficult to diagnose just based on symptoms alone.

Testing is super easy with the Western blot test from Igenex Labs!

When your body is hurting, it is time to enlist the big guns at Igenex Labs! Igenex is the lab that has the most accurate test results. Other tests may come back as a false negative. You want to be accurate in determining whether or not you have Lyme Disease. Please be wise. Ask questions. Be an advocate for yourself. It can be challenging and intimidating, but you are your only advocate. Be loud and be heard.

Lymsomnia

Insomnia, or as Callie used to call it, Lymsomnia, is a prevalent symptom of Lyme disease.

Before treatment, insomnia kept Callie up all night, anywhere from 2-4 nights per week.

That fact adds up over several years. Erik and I took turns sitting with her so she didn’t feel alone. Sadly, this is why we have so many wrinkles, haha! Insomnia is so hard to handle. Losing sleep, restless sleep, or interrupted sleep can cause many other issues. It is a never-ending cycle. Maybe the term “Lymsomnia” should be in the dictionary.

Sleep Deprivation

Some signs that you may be struggling with sleep deprivation are memory issues and critical thinking skills. There can be mood changes, high blood pressure issues, weakened immune systems, etc. Most people blindly accept what diagnosis they are given. Then, they do as the instructions say on the bottle. But. What if it is more.

Sound Familiar?

If you are reading this and these things sound familiar, do not ask your doctor for a Lyme test. A Lyme test will likely come back negative. A negative test is one of the reasons so many people are slipping through the cracks. Also, not getting a proper diagnosis. The test most doctors use is entirely ineffective. There is one test and only one reliable lab in the country. Igenex Labs.

Crohn’s IBS Colitis Behcets

Crohn’s IBS Colitis Behcets Most of the “Lymies” I know have been told they have IBS.

IBS is “a common disorder that affects the large intestine. Signs and symptoms include cramping, abdominal pain, bloating, gas, diarrhea or constipation, or both. IBS is a chronic condition you’ll need to manage long term.”

Crohn’s Disease Symptoms are “inflammatory bowel disease (IBD). It causes inflammation of your digestive tract, which can lead to abdominal pain, severe diarrhea, fatigue, weight loss, and malnutrition. Inflammation caused by Crohn’s disease can involve different areas of the digestive tract in different people.”

Colitis

Colitis Symptoms is “a chronic digestive disease characterized by inflammation of the inner lining of the colon. Infection, loss of blood supply in the colon, Inflammatory Bowel Disease (IBD) and invasion of the colon wall with collagen or lymphocytic white blood cells are all possible causes of an inflamed colon.”

Behcet’s

Behcet’s Symptoms are “a rare disorder that causes blood vessel inflammation throughout your body. The disease can lead to numerous signs and symptoms that can seem unrelated at first. They can include mouth sores, eye inflammation, skin rashes and lesions, and genital sores.”

It’s on my list of medical things that have popped up. However, we’ve given it a name. Surprisingly, we did not check to find a root cause. For example, with Lyme, any muscle in your body can spasm. Also, tummy troubles and Lyme go hand in hand.

Please, be aware, ask questions, do not take NO for an answer, and advocate. You are an expert on your body, do not let anyone tell you any different.

 

Faith Journey, Guest Blogger

Tested by Fire

Barefoot Faith Journey

In today’s world, a couple who has been married for 27 years is a rarity. My wife, Brandi, and I have been married for that long. One thing I know is you don’t stay married for that length of time without going through the fire. We have had our fair share of fire, for sure.

 

At the beginning of our marriage, I was not a believer. That put a massive strain on us. The first seven years of our marriage were pretty rough. I was not following the Lord and leading like I was supposed to. On several occasions, we were on the verge of divorce. But in 2001, I did surrender to Christ, and things got better, not because of us but because of Him.

 

However, things weren’t all rainbows and unicorns after I was saved. I had an addiction to pornography that started when I was in middle school. My wife was unaware, but light was shown upon the darkness with any sin. Sadly, my addiction continued after she found out, and again our marriage suffered to the point of divorce. But God saved me from my addiction, and I have been delivered from it. He worked a miracle in me and saved our marriage.

 

But as always, life gets in the way of happiness. Job, children, finances, etc., were all distractions to our marriage. Many hurts happened, and we had grown apart. It felt like we were spiraling towards separation again, but God intervened. It was like he hit me over the head with a frying pan. He showed me that I was too focused on myself. I fell on my face and gave it all to the Lord. I decided to love, honor, serve and cherish my wife. God made me realize I was not fulfilling my role as her husband.

 

Since that night, I have done my best to live up to that decision. And I must say; that our marriage is on the mend.

 

Are we perfect people? No.

 

Will we always do or say the right thing? No.

 

Do we/I have the power to choose to love, honor and obey God and each other? Yes.

 

What I’m trying to get at here is that through it all, we have persevered. Has it all been bad? Not. We have more good years than bad. We dwell on the bad more, which is not how it should be.

 

But truth be told, God put Brandi and me together for a purpose. He did not make a mistake because He doesn’t make mistakes. I have loved her from the beginning. I have never stopped. She will forever and always be the one I choose and the one chosen for me. I love her more every day and will love her for the rest of my life. Love you, babe!

 

 

Faith Journey, Guest Blogger

Guest Blogger Jenny Clenenden

Barefoot Faith Journey
Guest Blogger

Tips for Turning Your Yard into an Inviting Living Space

Barefoot Faith Journey

Tips for Turning Your Yard into an Inviting Living Space

 

Photo via Pixabay

Tips for Turning Your Yard into an Inviting Living Space

If you’re blessed with a yard, make the most of it! Spending time outside is great for the health of your family, kids, and pets, so your yard space must be safe and inviting for everyone. From outdoor dining areas to living walls, there are numerous ways to make your backyard a relaxing and welcoming space for the whole family! Here are some ideas to inspire you, presented by Barefoot Faith Journey.

Make it Kid-Friendly

Create an outdoor space where you can feel good about letting your children and furry friends romp around.

  • Use educational activities to turn your backyard into a fun outdoor learning center for kids.
  • If you have a pool, ensure that it’s well-maintained.
  • Avoid using chemicals on your lawn that could harm kids or pets.

Grow a Garden

Gardening is an excellent form of exercise and can help your kids develop a connection with nature.

  • If you’re new to gardening, learn how to get started and earn your green thumb.
  • Start small with herbs and leafy greens that you can use in the kitchen.
  • Expand your garden with bright blooms and fresh vegetables.
  • Search “fence contractors near me” to find trustworthy contractors to help you build a fence around your new garden.

Build an Entertainment Space

Create an outdoor patio space where you can lounge with loved ones and entertain guests.

Ready to give your yard a makeover? Whether you go all out and build a covered patio or keep it simple with a kitchen herb garden, there are plenty of great ways to transform your outdoor space into a place where everyone will want to hang out—rain or shine!

 

Guest Blogger

3 Reasons to Proceed with Your Startup Business

Barefoot Faith Journey

Barefoot Faith Journey is a faith-based blog by marriage and family counselor Brandi. Read more informative and entertaining articles today!

3 Reasons to Proceed with Your Startup Business

Image via Pexels

3 Reasons to Proceed With Your Startup Business Plans Amidst COVID-19

If you were going to start a business before COVID-19 hit, you may have chosen to put your startup plans on hold in hopes that the pandemic would be short-lived. But now that it’s been more than a year since COVID-19 became a reality, you may be thinking about whether you should finally proceed with your startup plans — or give up on your entrepreneurial dreams for the foreseeable future.

Below, Barefoot Faith Journey shares three reasons why you should move forward with your plans of starting a business during the pandemic, as well as some of the things you can do to turn your entrepreneurial dreams into a reality. Now, let’s dive in!

  1. Low-Cost Startup Loans

Starting a small business doesn’t come cheap, as standard startup costs include everything from web and marketing expenses to purchasing inventory, business equipment, licenses, and office space. You must factor in ongoing costs, including payroll, advertising, and insurance coverage. There’s also the cost of hiring specialists to oversee customer support, accounting, and human resources advisors you’ll need to consider. However, these professionals can be employed as freelancers rather than permanent employees to help you save on startup expenses.

But this is where grants and startup business loans come in. And thanks to the pandemic, many lenders are offering low-interest rates, making it the perfect time to finance a new business.

  1. Discounted Startup Equipment

According to USA Today, U.S. businesses, especially transportation, travel, bars, clothing retailers, spas, salons, and fitness studios, have taken a real hit since the pandemic began. And as unfortunate as this is, there are a few ways aspiring entrepreneurs can benefit from these business closures. For one, it provides new entrepreneurs access to discounted business equipment, office furniture, and other essential supplies.

When starting a small business during the pandemic, use websites like eBay to search for new, used, or refurbished inventory to find discounted equipment and supplies. You can also keep an eye out for businesses announcing their closure to purchase discounted equipment. Companies often advertise the sale of equipment to help recoup losses from closing down.

  1. Affordable Business Ownership Tools and Services

In addition to securing affordable startup business loans and purchasing discounted equipment and supplies from liquidating companies, an abundance of free or discounted business tools and services are available amidst COVID-19 — helping your startup capital to go even further.

A few of these affordable startup business tools and services include:

  • Communication and collaboration apps. Whether interviewing potential employees or collaborating with your staff online, free or low-cost communications tools can help you run your business remotely successfully. The team at Tameday recommends free apps like Slack, Troop Messenger, Microsoft Teams, and Flock.
  • Online business formation services. When it comes time to register a business name, you can choose to run your operation as a DBA (“doing business as”), which is beneficial as part of your marketing and branding strategy. A DBA name is a pseudonym for your registered, legal business name. Many business owners use it to avoid using their surname (if the business entity includes their name). An assumed name makes expansion easier for corporations, as creating an entirely new corporation is unnecessary. You can use ZenBusiness.com to simplify the registration process for a low cost.
  • Online marketing tools. You can use free digital tools to reach your target audience and boost your online visibility without spending a fortune on professional marketing services. MobileMonkey recommends tools like Phantombuster, Zapier, HubSpot CRM, Ubersuggest, and Canva. But if you’d prefer to hire a professional to handle your marketing, you’ll save money if you look for a freelancer on Upwork, Fiverr, or Contently.

Don’t Wait to Start a Business.

If you’ve been waiting to launch your startup business, there’s no need to hold off any longer. With affordable interest rates on business loans, discounted startup equipment from liquidating companies, and free or low-cost business tools and services, the pandemic could be the perfect time to pursue your entrepreneurial goals!

 

 

Guest Blogger

What Fireworks Means to a School Shooting Survivor

Barefoot Faith Journey

What Fireworks Means to a School Shooting Survivor

What Fireworks Means to a School Shooting Survivor

I despise fireworks. Some of them are so pretty, but the sound triggers me. I can feel it in my chest whenever a firework goes off. The breath gets knocked out of me, and I freeze. At that moment, I am transported back to school. I am back in the classroom with my teachers and fellow student.

At that second, I could see the fear in my teacher’s eyes as he looked down the hallway at the commotion. “Run,” He says with complete fear in his eyes. The look in his eyes will forever be etched into my brain. Confused, I run down the hallway watching as a freshman falls and slides into a locker. I can’t bring myself to stop and check on her, and I’m pretty sure that makes me a bad person. I’m doing what my teacher said. I am running, from what I don’t know.

 

As I Get Outside

 

As I get outside, I stop running. I assume that it was a fire and that I am safe outside. The fire can’t get me here. “Someone brought a gun to school.” A stranger says behind me. At that point, I couldn’t think. I take off sprinting. I almost got hit by a car. It was centimeters away from hitting me. I can hear the teacher yelling at the students to get into a classroom in the tech building because it’s safe. I sprint into the building.

 

I almost enter the first room as soon as you walk in the door, but I decide that that classroom would be the first to get shot if the shooter comes up here. I run a few classrooms away, sit against the wall, and wait for any information. Students and teachers start piling in. I look around and realize I can’t trust anyone. At this point, no one knows who the shooter is. Finally, the teachers shut and locked the door.

 

Calling my Brother

 

The first person I can get a hold of is my brother. He tells me that there’s been a school shooting and someone has died. My heart sinks, and all I can think about are my friends. Fear courses through my veins as I struggle to get a hold of them. Luckily, they’re all okay. I go on Twitter and desperately try to find some information. Someone sitting close to me tells me who the shooter is. I am completely shocked and In denial. I’ve known this kid since seventh grade. There’s no way he did this. I was wrong. He did do it.

 

We are sitting and waiting to be told what to do next when a student starts banging on the door. He was banging on the door hard and asking to be let it. Fear overcomes my body. I remember begging God that they wouldn’t open that door. Luckily, they didn’t. We sat there until like 9:30, and then we were told we must get on a bus.

 

SWAT

 

They let us out of the room, but we all must go in a single file line. Teachers and Swat line the walls and make a pathway to the buses. The look in the eyes of the swat member will be in my head forever. We get on the bus, and we sit there forever. I remember looking out the bus window and seeing a news helicopter flying over us. I remember being angry that they were already swarming. I mean, people just died to show some respect. It was insensitive.

 

Transporting Us

 

At around Eleven, they gave us a police escort to the nearest middle school. We took the back roads there. They piled us all into the gym and waited for our names to be called so we could leave with our parents. I remember getting home at noon, and my family had the news on the television. I hear them reporting things that didn’t happen, so I go to my room. I couldn’t sleep that night. My adrenaline was pumping. My friends can’t sleep either. We all stay up and talk.

 

Going Back to School

 

I was battling anorexia at the time, so I didn’t eat anyways, but at this time, I go the longest I ever have without eating. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep. I was terrified. Going back to school was horrible. We went back on a Friday. We all met in the gym. Going to the gym was for a moment of silence, prayer, and hearing about all the available resources. The school was never the same. We jumped at every dropped book. We were constantly looking over our shoulders. We were all wary of strangers. We enjoyed the service dogs that came to the school. That was the best part. We played card games to pass the time.

 

Fear

 

I always told myself that If something like that happened to me, I would never go back to school, and I finished my year out there and then became homeschooled. I couldn’t bring myself to sit down in that school and worry about who was walking through the door. I couldn’t sit there and continue to jump at every dropped book. I’ve only been to the school twice since then, and I still struggle with going there.

 

I kept in contact with the teachers I was in the classroom with that day. You will hardly ever catch me in sandals in public because they aren’t good running shoes. Every year, I plug in my headphone and blare my music, so I don’t hear the fireworks. I can hear gunshots and shoot guns (I’m a pretty good shot), but there’s something about fireworks that I can’t handle. I wish people would be more considerate of people like me every year.

 

Depression, Guest Blogger, Medical Issues, Suicide Awareness and Prevention

Lockup: Extended Stay

Barefoot Faith Journey

Lockup: Extended Stay

Lockup: Extended Stay

In Lockup: Extended Stay, I just completed a four-day stay in the hospital because of my mental health. I am not ashamed to say that’s why I was in the hospital. I needed help, and I can admit that now.

Things have been bad for me for basically a month, and I had nothing left to give. It started with me realizing that even though I had forgiven myself for my brother’s death, it didn’t make it any less painful than I was expecting. I thought that if I had forgiven myself, the hole in my heart wouldn’t feel as big.

Trauma Relived

On top of that, I have started remembering things from ten years ago, which just hasn’t worked out in my favor. I also had anxiety about what to do with the information I remembered. Do I report this even if it may ruin my family?

Do I report it even if I will have no biological family afterward? The decision was made for me. Now I’m dealing with the anxiety of waiting to hear from the police. Every time the phone rings, it’s like my world stops. I start shaking, and I get nauseous. I hate this feeling.

First Few Nights

 

My first few nights at the hospital were very lonely. I didn’t even start to make friends until the night before I left. I only knew those people for a short time, but they made a massive impact on me. I can’t help but think about where they are in the world.

 

Did Katie and Michaela get out today? Did Jamie’s mom ever pick him up from the hotel room? Did the other Katie get the Job she interviewed for right after she got out? Did the girl with super long hair throw a chair through the window? Where are they now? Are they doing okay?

 

Dawn, the Night Nurse

 

My night nurse made the most significant impact on me. Dawn deserves a raise because she doesn’t make enough money for what she does. From the moment I met her, she was nothing but caring. The nurse answered any question I had. She got me food from the fridge when I was too anxious to do it myself. She treated me like I was her child.

 

On my last night there, she shared something with me that she had never shared with anyone. I won’t say what it was because that’s not my story to share, but it made me believe that I could talk to the police. I am strong enough to get through this.

 

I am Home Now

 

Now that I’m out, I feel like there’s this pressure that I have to be good now. Like I feel like I can’t be anxious or depressed. Don’t get me wrong, I am the best I have ever been, but it’s still not great if that makes sense. The bar was literally on the floor before now. I now appreciate the people around me a little more.

 

Looking back, I know I wouldn’t have made it through the past month without them. That’s not something I’ve been shy about, either. I’m so grateful to Bart (you guys may know him as “Big Daddy”) and Brandi. They have completely changed my life. I love them wholeheartedly, and I could never thank them enough for what they’ve done for me.

 Guest Blogger

This was written by one of my favorite people. She is so precious to my soul. I am so encouraged by the strength it took for her to admit that something was not quite right. There have been so many days and nights that I have seen her struggle to maintain. The dam broke. Without the help of her medical provider, his nurse, and my son, she would have never had the strength to stand up for herself. She would have never sought the help that she needed.

Since doing that, it was discovered that she has Serotonin Syndrome. Many symptoms range from excessive sweating to goosebumps. All of this is caused by an accumulation of serotonin. Antidepressants cause some your body produces and some.

Thankfully, she is on the proper medication. She was on too many SSRIs and has completely leveled out. There is no shame in getting help. Had she not gotten the help she needed, she would have never discovered the meds to help her were hurting her.

 

Guest Blogger

To Care for Others, First Care for Yourself

Barefoot Faith Journey

To Care for Others, First Care for Yourself

To Care for Others, First Care for Yourself

 

We are all walking our paths, and the road to healing isn’t always easy. We all need to remember that to help others, we must first ensure that we are maintaining our light and keeping ourselves mentally sound. In other words, To Care for Others, First Care for Yourself. Here are some tips for keeping your mental energy in the right spectrum and walking the path of healing as we move into 2021:

Heal your mind.

Mental health and self-care practices are two sides of the same coin. Numerous studies and research indicate the connection between self-care and mental health. Self-care is the act of increasing self-awareness, which includes cognitive processes. Practicing self-care can then help you recognize your emotional patterns. This means that when you become more self-aware, you can avoid the things that make you feel bad and recognize the things that make you feel more relaxed or calm, so you seek those things out.

Another way to take that step toward healing your mind is to assess your goals and how you can accomplish them. Focusing on the result of your mental health journey can be helpful, especially if you break the journey into smaller steps that you can surmount.

Heal your sleep.

Sleep is a massive part of your physical health, but it can help you maintain a mental balance, so striving to get an entire sleep cycle every night should be included in your self-care routine.

Cultivating a space conducive to good, quality rest is essential to creating a healthy sleep schedule. It will help if you transform your bedroom into a sleep-inducing space by using comfortable sheets and pillows, avoiding light disruption, and keeping the noise down. In addition, starting a pre-sleep routine (e.g., having nighttime tea, reading a book, dimming the lights, etc.) can help signal your body that it’s time to rest.

Heal your body.

Mental and physical health is inextricably linked. Eating healthy foods as part of a well-balanced diet, drinking plenty of water, and exercising are all ways to get your physical health in the right place — and they all provide a crucial component of mental health. Practicing good eating habits and a regular daily exercise regimen is part of self-care.

Heal your home.

An integral part of self-care is the maintenance of the environment around you. Creating a sanctuary out of your home is essential to finding inner peace and re-calibrating, even when the world seems unwelcoming.

Creating a positive atmosphere at home is essential in the healing process. Decluttering, cleaning, and letting fresh air into your home can help you make the kind of sanctuary that will go a long way toward getting your mental energy in the right place.

There is a connection between clutter and the stress hormone cortisol. In other words, when your space is too messy, negative thoughts can spike. So keeping your area clean and clutter-free contributes to the positive vibes you need.

Heal your connections.

Staying in touch with the people you love most is also a form of self-care, especially for families. Spending quality time with family strengthens bonds and helps keep you connected, even when it takes place virtually. The most significant part of maintaining close connections comes from making friends and family a priority and putting time and energy into those relationships.

Focus on you to focus on others.

Use these healing tips to emphasize self-care and your mental health journey. Once you are healthy and whole, you can turn your attention to others who may need help in this area.

For more faith-based, family-centric content, visit barefootfaithjourney.com.