Silence with a Side of Stirring
There is so much I want to say, yet I remain silent, paralyzed by fears of judgment, isolation, and retaliation. It’s important to understand that just because someone is quiet doesn’t mean they’re ignorant, apathetic, or unintelligent. Silence does not equal a lack of depth or thought. Here is my Silence with a Side of Stirring.
In this season, as the new year unfolds, I’ve been diving into books. Stories of resilience, trauma, healing, and making peace with the past have filled my reading list. There’s something deeply moving about witnessing strength in the face of unimaginable adversity. I’ve only finished a couple of books but have started a few more. My goal is to finish what I’ve started and continue working through the ever-growing collection.
Processing the thoughts swirling in my mind has become a quiet but persistent focus. Questions, comments, and statements linger, and the books I read offer insight into many of them. Yet, some things still require reflection and time before I can fully understand them.
A quote I stumbled upon recently hit me hard: “A history of trauma will have you mistaking peace for boredom.” That resonates deeply. Life has shifted from constant noise and chaos to a strange and unfamiliar quiet. For so long, the background hum of busyness, conversation, and laughter defined my world. Now, in this quieter season, I find myself unsure of how to exist in the stillness.
The quieter moments have brought realizations I wasn’t prepared for. I’ve lived in a constant state of stress for years, and now, as things settle, emotions I had pushed aside are surfacing. I find myself breaking into tears at unexpected times, my body seemingly releasing years of built-up tension. Healing is happening, though it feels strange and unsettling.
Peace vs. Boredom
Webster’s Dictionary defines peace as “a state of tranquility or quiet, freedom from disquieting or oppressive thoughts or emotions, harmony in personal relations.” Boredom, on the other hand, is “the state of being weary and restless through lack of interest.” What I once mistook for boredom is actually peace. I am not restless or lacking interest; I’m simply in a season without crisis. It feels foreign, but it is necessary.
For years, my days were defined by putting out fires—both figurative and literal. The constant state of fight-or-flight dictated my every move. But now, there are fewer fires. Fewer emergencies. Less chaos. And I find myself wondering, Now what?
Adjusting to this new rhythm of life is a journey. It means learning how to exist without the constant need to fix, manage, or anticipate disaster. It means understanding that rest is not laziness, and peace is not a void that needs to be filled.
What I Can and Cannot Control
One of the hardest lessons has been realizing that I cannot control others—their words, actions, or perceptions. I can, however, control how I respond. When something feels “off,” I can seek clarity rather than assume. I can choose peace over engaging in unnecessary battles.
People will believe what they want, sometimes without ever stopping to ask, “Does this truly reflect the person I’ve known?” If the answer doesn’t align, the solution is simple—use words, communicate directly, and seek truth.
There’s so much more I could say, but for now, I rest in knowing that peace is not something to fear. This season of quiet reflection, healing, and growth is exactly where I am meant to be.
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