finding hope Archives ~ Circle of Hope Counseling Services

Preconceived Notions: More Than Meets the Eye

i’m not interested in whether you’ve stood with the great; i’m interested in whether you’ve sat with the broken.

Preconceived notions—they’re something, aren’t they?

I remember walking into my clinic one day and feeling every set of eyes on me. At my previous job, I was required to dress professionally for my outpatient clients. But I also worked as a therapist in a 30-day inpatient residential treatment facility. Two vastly different worlds, yet I had learned how to balance both.

That particular day, I had outpatient clients to see, but I also needed to check in on anywhere from 7 to 16 inpatient clients. As I walked into the clinic to pull a client, I saw the looks—“You are not one of us.” I get that a lot.

That day, I was in my professional attire, wearing a wig (I lost my hair when I started this job), makeup, and jewelry. I looked the part, but inside, I was screaming. My outside didn’t match my inside.

I pulled my client aside, and her expression said it all—disdain, skepticism, judgment. She didn’t hold back, either. “You’re judging me in your fancy clothes and dolled-up hair,” she said.

As she talked, I quietly started removing my jewelry. Then my sweater, revealing my tattoos. I wiped off my makeup. And finally, I pulled off my wig and casually hung it on my boss’s computer.

The shock on her face was priceless.

In that moment, I saw her walls come down. I shared a bit of my own story, and I watched her eyes well with tears. She looked at me, softer now, and said, “You are one of us.”

Friends, we are all the same. We all bleed when we’re cut. We all turn to dust when we die. And we are all one bad decision away from destruction. She thought I was judging her based on my appearance, but in reality, I was simply wearing what my job required. And in return, she judged me for it.

But when I looked into her eyes, I didn’t see her past, her mistakes, or her circumstances—I saw brokenness, sadness, despair, and pain.

So there we were, sitting across from each other, makeup-free, hairless, raw, and real. I reached across the desk and held her hands. Tears fell from both of our eyes as I told her:

You are worthy. You are enough. Honestly, you deserve the life you dream of, and you can have it—one step at a time.

That moment changed me. It reminded me that the Lord is not done with any of us. There is hope and no one should ever treat you as “less than” because you, too, are a child of the King.

Reach Out

💛 If you’re navigating life’s hard places and need a safe space to heal, grow, or just breathe—Circle of Hope Counseling Services is here for you.

We offer trauma-informed, faith-filled therapy for individuals, couples, and families.

📞 Reach out today to schedule your first session (KY residents only) or learn more: Circle of Hope Counseling Services.

You don’t have to walk this journey alone. Hope starts here.

Let’s Learn About Psychogenic Itching

Circle of Hope Counseling Services, End the Stigma, Guest Blogger, Suicide Awareness and Prevention

Depression is Gray and Black

October 12, 2020May 11, 2025 Brandi C

Depression is Gray and Black

Depression

Is a dark and twisty place

It’s when your inner thoughts are gray and black

There is no light

There is no white

Just gray or black

The gray is sad but bearable thoughts

This is where you look back at what’s wrong

grieving the way you handled it

Want to do something to change it but can’t

These thoughts I think are easier to voice

To seek help. Ask someone to hold you accountable

To try and continue your life

Which is Worse?

The black well that is the worse

The dark and the bleak

These thoughts are much more dangerous

These are the thoughts that keep you imprisoned in your mind

Keep you in bed for days

Give you the feelings of why even try?

These thoughts are almost impossible to voice

The darker the thought the harder it gets to talk to people

The harder it gets to seek help

And the harder it is to continue anything in life

The In-Between

Somewhere between the gray and black, there is a turning point

From being sad to wanting to crawl under a rock and die

I’m not sure where the begins

I just know that’s where it ends.

But surely there is a way to continue life looking towards something

Instead of looking back at the past

If you can get there that’s when you can see a light

It starts off small almost like a dot

Finding the Dot

For me trying to find that dot is the hardest part

Trying to find something worth looking for the dot.

But once I find it I plan on holding on to it.

Because the dot will eventually grow

It will become the light that I seek.

I just have to hold on a little longer.

And keep looking ahead.

When the Silence is Deafening

988

Circle of Hope Counseling Services, End the Stigma, Suicide Awareness and Prevention

Suicide Sprinkled Throughout My Life

September 19, 2020May 11, 2025 Brandi C

Suicide Sprinkled Throughout My Life

Suicide Sprinkled Throughout My Life

Suicide has been a thread woven through my life, though I didn’t fully understand it until I was older. As a child, I saw sadness and knew that people had passed away, but the gravity of it escaped me. The word itself was foreign to me until I was about ten years old. Even then, it wasn’t until I was fourteen and experienced my grandfather’s passing that I began to comprehend the depth of loss and what death truly meant.

Sharing Stories, Spreading Awareness

Throughout this month, in honor of Suicide Prevention Awareness, I have shared stories from people I know and love—people who have allowed me to be part of the chapter God is writing in their lives. Writing and sharing these stories has not been easy, but I know that their pain has purpose. Their words may be the light that someone else needs to seek help. Healing is found on the other side of brokenness, and their courage in sharing their journey could be the very thing that saves another person.

The Weight of Heartache

Hearing these stories and knowing what these people have endured breaks my heart. I long for Jesus to return and erase the pain, the hurt, the abuse. He will come, like a thief in the night, not when I wish but in His perfect timing. I rest in the promise that He can bring good from even the most tragic circumstances. Though He does not ordain suffering, He allows it, and He will use it for His glory.

My First Encounter with Suicide

I was about ten years old when I first brushed up against the concept of suicide. A young man, a friend of our family, loved riding horses. One day, I had been thrown off our pony—a creature no bigger than a large dog—and lay on the ground, terrified and breathless. He watched from the sidelines, his leg encased in a cast up to his thigh.

Rather than standing idly by, he tossed aside his crutches, mounted the horse with ease, and calmed her down. Then, he turned to me with a look of determination and told me to get back on. I was hesitant, but he wouldn’t let me walk away in fear. With his encouragement, I got back on that horse, and from that moment, I was no longer afraid.

Then, one day, he was gone. Whispers filled the air. Quiet conversations. Crying. I didn’t understand what had happened. No one spoke openly about it, but the silence was deafening. Now, looking back, I know the truth. He had taken his own life.

Another Loss, Another Whisper

Not long after, another family friend was suddenly absent. Again, hushed whispers, tears, and a heavy sadness hung over those I loved. The word ‘suicide’ was still never spoken, but now, as an adult, I recognize what it was.

A Decade Later, A Shattering Loss

Years later, I lost another dear friend. This time, I was old enough to understand. He was loved by so many, incredibly talented, and his passing shook me to my core. The pain of suicide is unnatural and unbearable. Parents should never have to bury their child, no matter their age, and yet, so many do. The grief and unanswered questions linger forever.

When It Hits Close to Home

One of my closest friends, whom I met through a Christian group, has fought battles that few could understand. She has struggled with feelings of worthlessness and despair, but through God’s grace, she is still here. I thank the Lord every day that her attempts were not successful—He knew she was needed, loved, and still had a purpose.

Sadly, she was not the only one in her family to face this darkness. I remember the day she messaged me, telling me her sister had died by suicide. The pain in her words still echoes in my heart. She continues to light candles in her sister’s memory and speaks out about suicide awareness, hoping to spare another family from enduring the same devastation.

Breaking the Cycle

The hole left by suicide never fully heals. It is a generational curse that can be broken, but it takes action. If you are struggling, please seek help. Talk to someone. Start therapy. Consider medication. Reach out to a friend. You are not alone. You are loved.

Your life matters, and there is hope.

Please, if you or someone you love is struggling, don’t wait. There is help available. Reach out today. You are worth it.

Let Them by Cassie Phillips

Circle of Hope Counseling Services, End the Stigma, Guest Blogger, Suicide Awareness and Prevention

Promised Suicide

September 14, 2020May 11, 2025 Brandi C

Promised Suicide

TRIGGERING POST In the story of Promised Suicide, a young woman shares how the generational curse has affected her life. Promised Suicide is a very personal story. It is heartbreaking what she has endured and continues to endure the battle of her mind. Tomorrow, she will talk about where she is now in life and how her beginning was trying to dictate her future, but then there was God.

As a child:

I always promised myself that I would never be like you,

Never leave my family feeling unloved,

I would never drink to be drunk,

Never medicate myself,

I would never lay in the bed for weeks at a time,

Never do anything to harm myself.

And yet, as an adult:

I’ve made everyone I love feel hated,

Drunk because I’m sad,

I’ve thought about taking too many of my own pills,

Laid in the bed for weeks at a time,

I’ve cut and carved things into my skin.

As a child:

I didn’t realize what it was like to feel Alone, Unloved, Insignificant,

All I knew was that my mother didn’t care,

My mother hated me,

She didn’t want to spend time with me.

My mother hated herself,

And most of all, my mother wanted to die.

As an adult:

I don’t care,

In fact, I hate myself,

I don’t want to spend time with anyone,

I wanted to die.

All because I feel Unlovable, Alone, and Insignificant.

I wonder if there is any connection between what I saw as a child and why I am the way I am.

Did I learn to handle life the way I have?

I mean, it would be way easier for me to blame you.

You were the one that raised me,

Or was it the other way around?

What did you expect out of me when you let me take care of you.

Did you expect me to be normal; After all the things I’ve been through?

After flushing away the last pills, you didn’t take,

Picking up the blades you tried to use to take your life away,

After scrubbing your blood off of the floor and then putting everything back in place.

But no, I can’t blame this on you. I chose to do it too,

I chose to pick up that knife

Chose to make the plan

I am responsible for my actions

Resources

If you or someone you know is being abused, PLEASE reach out.

ChildHelp Hotline

National Domestic Violence Hotline

Suicide Prevention Lifeline

Tag: finding hope

Preconceived Notions: More Than Meets the Eye