Tag: mental health struggles

End the Stigma, Faith Journey

Let’s Learn About Psychogenic Itching

Brandi C

Let’s Learn About Psychogenic Itching

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Today’s Term: Psychogenic Itching

My First Encounter with Psychogenic Itching

That’s a fun one, right? I first experienced psychogenic itching about three years ago. At the time, I was seeing a new therapist and starting EMDR (that’s a whole other post for another day). My goal was to get trained in EMDR, but I didn’t want to do that until I had experienced it myself. I needed to understand every aspect of the protocol before asking someone to trust me with it or be that vulnerable with me.

The Sessions Begin

Bless this young lady’s heart. She showed so much patience and skill in working with me. The first session felt pretty mild, but I noticed an overwhelming exhaustion afterward.

During the second session, the itching started as soon as I walked into the lobby (I’m actually itching as I write this, just remembering it). Since I have Psoriasis and allergies, I didn’t immediately suspect anything unusual. However, by the end of the session, the itching became unbearable. We chalked it up to nerves and vulnerability.

By the third (and final) session, the itching started the moment I got into my car to drive to the appointment. By the time I walked into the room, it felt like ants or bugs were crawling all over me. My therapist, just as perplexed as I was, had already consulted her supervisor.

The Breaking Point

We started the session, and within minutes, the flashes in my mind, the intense itching, and the exhaustion overwhelmed me. I dropped my tappers (the little tools used in EMDR) and told her I was done. I wouldn’t be coming back.

After that session, we finally figured out what was happening: psychogenic itching. It’s a chronic itch triggered by psychological factors. Weird, right? For me, it tends to happen when I’m triggered by something or even when I talk about this experience.

A Lesson in Discernment

Looking back, I believe that was God’s gentle way of saying, “This isn’t for you.” Wisdom and discernment play a huge role in counseling. I have friends and family who’ve had very successful EMDR sessions, and I’m genuinely thrilled for them. But for me? Not my thing. And that’s okay. This experience taught me something I had never heard of before, and now I’m passing it on to you!

💛 If you’re navigating life’s hard places and need a safe space to heal, grow, or just breathe—Circle of Hope Counseling Services is here for you.

We offer trauma-informed, faith-filled therapy for individuals, couples, and families.

📞 Reach out today to schedule your first session (KY residents only) or learn more: Circle of Hope Counseling Services.

You don’t have to walk this journey alone. Hope starts here.

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Circle of Hope Counseling Services, End the Stigma, Guest Blogger, Suicide Awareness and Prevention

Ending the Stigma of Mental Illness

Brandi C

Ending the Stigma of Mental Illness

Ending the Stigma of Mental Illness

In Ending the Stigma of Mental Illness, my guest blogger shares her thoughts on this subject. I have a mental disorder that can be crippling at times. When I say crippling, I mean I cannot get myself out of bed. I have thoughts on a continuous loop that should not be there: those days when I don’t call or text. Or even speak to people. Hell, I don’t even come out of my room. When I say I can’t get myself out of bed, I mean, I literally will stay in it for days. I will only leave to go to the bathroom or to eat.

The “Happy” Place

There are also days when I am “happy”; these are the days when I can get myself into trouble. When I talk ninety to nothing and spend all of my money in one place, I could get in the car and drive in one direction, not knowing where I am going, but going anywhere is better than where I am. These are the days when I bombard all my friends that I haven’t talked to in days that I want to do something. On these days, I don’t sleep, I could be up for days at a time, and it wouldn’t bother me. I make poor choices when I am like this.

This is Bipolar Disorder in a Nutshell, at Least in my Case.

I am tired of the stigma on mental illness or mental health. Everyone can tell if you have asthma by the physical complications you have. However, when it comes to mental illnesses, we dare not speak of them. They don’t exist for people who don’t have them or perceive them as unfavorable.

You don’t see people not talking to people with asthma, so why shouldn’t they for people with mental illness. Honestly, I should feel free to share that I have bipolar disorder without having people think that it means I’m crazy. Furthermore, I shouldn’t have to own that lie, but here I am, pretending it doesn’t exist or calling myself crazy.

I am Tired of Comparing Myself to “Normal” People

What does that mean anyway? To be “normal.” The definition of normal is conforming to a standard; usual, typical, or expected. So I see that everyone should be the same, act the same, and do the same things the same way? Maybe I’m looking at it negatively, but it sounds like normal people are nowhere to be seen. Because no one is the same, no one is conformed to the same standards.

So why do we make ourselves feel less than just because of a mental illness? Bipolar disorder is my regular just because it isn’t yours doesn’t mean that you have the right to tell me that I am wrong, not to be trusted, or dangerous because of it.

Thankful

Today, I am thankful for modern medicine. It has helped me look at life a bit more clearly. God is more significant than all, but He created man to create a treatment to help. Never feel weak because you need medication to help you even things out. You are not weak! Honestly, you are brave and strong.

 

Circle of Hope Counseling Services, End the Stigma, Guest Blogger, Suicide Awareness and Prevention

A Letter to Myself

Brandi C

A Letter to Myself

My guest blogger wants to step back in time and parent that child who was abused and never truly parented.  She wants that little girl to know that what is happening is wrong and that she is not at fault.  What a beautiful way to begin the healing process.

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Sarah,

I have written numerous letters to others who have significantly hurt me, but I have yet to write a letter to the person I feel has hurt me the most. 

That person is me. 

For years I have “punished” myself for things that were not my fault. It has been hard to remember that when bad things were happening to me, I was between the ages of 7 and 11. I have blamed myself for years for the people around me dying. I have blamed myself for not being there for them while they die. Like, for goodness sake, Sarah, you were like 9. It is not your responsibility to take care of people who are dying.

Changes

When my dad divorced for a second time, we had just moved, and we were tight on money. It is not that my dad was not making enough. It was because he gave his ex-wife a good chunk of his money. So, I started skipping meals to ensure everyone had enough to eat. When I ate, my brother would comment on my weight or how much I was eating. I stopped eating for weeks and started working six days a week. 

After over a year of doing that 

I finally realized that it wasn’t my responsibility to ensure everyone ate. It was my father’s, and he was incredibly absent then. So I slowly started eating again. I have better eating habits now, but I still have days when I feel I shouldn’t be eating. To this day, if I have to get weighed, I can’t look at the scale because If I see what it says, I will spiral.

Absent Parent

Around that same time, my dad was incredibly absent. All of the cooking, cleaning, and children became my responsibility. I was the parent in the household. I juggled all of my duties at home, schoolwork, and band. 

The only thing I remember from this period of my life is being incredibly exhausted. It was at this time sister would hardly sleep. And she became violent. So I would wake up at three in the morning to her punching me in the face or pulling my hair. I remember the countless morning of me just crying because I was so tired and in pain. 

That was a super dark time in my life. 

This was the beginning of a super dark time for me. I had zero will to live. I didn’t care what happened to me. Honestly, I wish this part of my story had a happier ending, but I’m still learning that Madison isn’t my child or my responsibility. 

I feel guilty when I go out while she’s at the house. Also, I feel anxious that something terrible will happen to her while I am gone. I feel like I have been better about leaving her home, so that is a step in the right direction.

The Shooting

Then, I guess the last piece of this story is about the shooting. I remember that morning going into the band room with my friends. I stood across the room from him and just stared at him. The atmosphere that morning felt off. 

I used to blame myself for not talking to him that morning. I used to think that he wouldn’t have killed two people if I had just talked to him. That was his choice, not mine. It’s not my fault. It’s not my fault. It is not my fault. After a while of repeating that to myself, I finally believed it. 

 Love,

 Sarah.

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Circle of Hope Counseling Services, End the Stigma, Guest Blogger, Suicide Awareness and Prevention

My Life is Hard

Brandi C

My Life is Hard

As you can see, mental illness can affect every ounce of your life. Thoughts come and go like the ocean’s tides, yet she remains steadfast. She is trying and reaching out. Though some days, all appears well with her, in her mind, they are not. Please show grace and kindness to all you meet. You do not know the battles they face.

My Life is Hard

It is a struggle for me on most days to get out of bed. To remember to make myself take my pills that are supposed to help the chemical imbalance in my brain. Aka makes me happier and more “normal.” Sometimes I feel like they work; other times, I feel like my old self. I let the thoughts I thought were gone back in. Once they are in, I can’t get them out. I think about things I’ve done and how I liked the feeling. But then I think about the people I know who would be disappointed in me if I chose that path again.

So I sit and contemplate, should I or not? I liked the pain and the feeling of getting it out in a way only I could feel. I mean, I wasn’t hurting anyone else, was I? But no, I made a promise, so I chose to sit in silence. I decide to do nothing but sit and stare into the emptiness inside me. Most days, I try to fill the hole with anything it holds. I try to keep my mind occupied to keep away the thoughts of suicide.

Some Days

But then there are days when everything seems alright, the pain is still there, but it’s not so debilitating. These days life is not so bad I have the energy I can talk and reciprocate the feeling and put effort into conversating. I can express the things on my mind and try to tell them I’m not okay and need some help and not just for the day. These days I’m motivated, by my commitments, to my job, or to do anything involving another person. These are the days that I see my people the most. I try to explain where I’ve been and why I’ve been so distant, but they know they’ve been there with me. The days that I am okay are the days that I feel loved, and those are the days I return the love.

Few and Far Between

The good days used to be far and in between, the bad days now that’s where I lived. But now, my days are starting to turn around. I’m not going to lie; they’re about 50% good and 50% bad. I’m not where I want to be, but I’m farther than I thought I’d be. I know ill never be 100% good no one ever is. But I would like the good to be more than the bad for one day.

My Goal

I know the only way to achieve my goal is to work on myself and be honest with myself. I need to be more aware of my feelings and keep myself on the right path. I’ve got to decide to make an effort to get better. And I have; I take my medication when I’m supposed to, and I tell the doctor when I feel like I need something new. I’m trying to go to counseling for the first time. I am honest, and I try to get my feeling across. I am trying.

For me, the thing that’s helped me is the bond between the people I consider to be my support system. They aren’t afraid to tell me how it is and push me to do what I know I should do but am too scared to do. My support people love me because they can, not because they feel obligated to love me. They choose to care about my life, listen to me without making me feel guilty, and help and advise when they feel like they can.

Reaching Out

The one thing that’s helped me the most is finding people that share the same thoughts. It’s easier for me to open up to someone that I know has been in a similar situation or the same mental disorder. We can share our feelings and know that we aren’t alone. We can talk about the bad days and not worry about the looks we will get. Because we both share the same struggles, we can help each other through them. We can talk to each other without getting offended.

Thoughts on Mental Disorder

When you have a mental disorder, taking responsibility for your actions is hard, so having that support group, friends, and sometimes family makes it easier when they can help remind you. You may have a more challenging time making the right decision because of the disorder, but you are the one that makes that decision. Because for the longest time, I blamed everything on everyone, and then I blamed everything on my mental disorder. But now that I’m stable, I can see everything is up to me. I chose what to do and when to do it, so I’m trying to make a better effort.

I am a Work in Progress

My life is hard, but at least I try. I’m no longer sitting in the dark contemplating my life. I may not be all sunshine and rainbows, but at least I now can smile. I now hate myself a little less, and I admit I am a work in progress. I’ll always struggle with this depression and my mental disorder. It will always be harder for me than most, but now I am fighting for my life. I want to live and love. To grow into the person, I was meant to be. I want to use my struggles to help others, but most importantly, I want to be free. Free of shame, free of guilt, and free of hate for myself.

Resources

If you or someone you know is being abused, PLEASE reach out.

ChildHelp Hotline

National Domestic Violence Hotline

Suicide Prevention Lifeline

 

Circle of Hope Counseling Services, End the Stigma, Guest Blogger, Suicide Awareness and Prevention

Promised Suicide

Brandi C

Promised Suicide

Promised Suicide

 

TRIGGERING POST In the story of Promised Suicide, a young woman shares how the generational curse has affected her life. Promised Suicide is a very personal story. It is heartbreaking what she has endured and continues to endure the battle of her mind. Tomorrow, she will talk about where she is now in life and how her beginning was trying to dictate her future, but then there was God.

As a child:

I always promised myself that I would never be like you,

Never leave my family feeling unloved,

I would never drink to be drunk,

Never medicate myself,

I would never lay in the bed for weeks at a time,

Never do anything to harm myself.

And yet, as an adult:

I’ve made everyone I love feel hated,

Drunk because I’m sad,

I’ve thought about taking too many of my own pills,

Laid in the bed for weeks at a time,

I’ve cut and carved things into my skin.

As a child:

I didn’t realize what it was like to feel Alone, Unloved, Insignificant,

All I knew was that my mother didn’t care,

My mother hated me,

She didn’t want to spend time with me.

My mother hated herself,

And most of all, my mother wanted to die.

As an adult:

I don’t care,

In fact, I hate myself,

I don’t want to spend time with anyone,

I wanted to die.

All because I feel Unlovable, Alone, and Insignificant.

I wonder if there is any connection between what I saw as a child and why I am the way I am.

Did I learn to handle life the way I have?

I mean, it would be way easier for me to blame you.

You were the one that raised me,

Or was it the other way around?

What did you expect out of me when you let me take care of you.

Did you expect me to be normal; After all the things I’ve been through?

After flushing away the last pills, you didn’t take,

Picking up the blades you tried to use to take your life away,

After scrubbing your blood off of the floor and then putting everything back in place.

But no, I can’t blame this on you. I chose to do it too,

I chose to pick up that knife

Chose to make the plan

I am responsible for my actions

Resources

If you or someone you know is being abused, PLEASE reach out.

ChildHelp Hotline

National Domestic Violence Hotline

Suicide Prevention Lifeline

 

Circle of Hope Counseling Services, End the Stigma, Suicide Awareness and Prevention

Suicide Awareness Prevention for First Responders Resources

Brandi C

Suicide Awareness Prevention for First Responders Resources

My dad is a retired police officer. I have a sister who worked in Criminal Justice for a long time. Also, my husband, daughter, and son-in-law work in this field. I have dear friends who are First Responders. These people deserve so much respect and love. These are some Suicide Awareness Prevention for First Responders Resources. You can go to Police1 for more information.

By Police1 Staff

Public safety is a challenging profession that can lead to mental health struggles – and those struggles cannot be left untreated. More police officers died by suicide than in the line of duty in 2018, as was the case the previous year and the year before. A study commissioned by the Ruderman Family Foundation found that firefighters are also more likely to die by suicide than in the line of duty. The following is a list of suicide prevention resources for first responders. Whether you’re on the front line and need immediate help or in a leadership position looking to offer better prevention programs and help for your staff, this list should point you in the right direction.

PROGRAMS

 

Suicide Awareness Prevention for First Responders Resources

The following programs will directly help you or help connect you to the resources you or a loved one needs. The majority of these are explicitly tailored to first responders. Also, remember that many of these websites list additional resources to those listed in this article.

The National Suicide Prevention Hotline

The lifeline provides 24/7 confidential support for those in distress or who need help for their loved ones.

CONTACT: Call 800-273-8255 or visit suicidepreventionlifeline.org

Crisis Text Line

A text will connect you with a trained crisis counselor 24/7.

CONTACT: https://www.crisistextline.org/ or text BADGE to 741741

1st Help

1st Help matches first responders with appropriate services based on a brief questionnaire, which determines what specific assistance you need (emotional, financial, religious, etc.).

CONTACT: http://www.1sthelp.net/

Safe Call Now

Safe Call Now is a 24-hour crisis referral service for those in public safety and their family members.

CONTACT: https://www.safecallnow.org/ or call 206-459-3020

First Responder Support Network

FRSN provides educational treatment programs for first responders and their families.

CONTACT: http://www.frsn.org/ or Call 415-721-9789

Serve & Protect

Serve & Protect helps connect public safety professionals with trauma services.

CONTACT: https://serveprotect.org/ or Call 615-373-8000 for the crisis line.

Cops Alive

Cops Alive provides resources and strategies to help cops live happy and successful lives.

CONTACT: http://www.copsalive.com/

CopLine

CopLine is a 24/7 service that will connect you to a peer support counselor.

CONTACT: http://www.copline.org/ or call 800-267-5463

Treatment Placement Specialists

This program offers treatment guidance based on the individual needs of officers.

CONTACT: Call 877-540-3935

VALOR

The Valor Officer Safety and Wellness program is a Bureau of Justice Assistance-funded initiative that provides many resources. Also, online training focused on improving officer health and resilience.

CONTACT: https://www.valorforblue.org/Home

ADVOCACY

The following organizations are working to raise mental health awareness and treatment options for police officers.

Blue H.E.L.P.

Blue H.E.L.P. is an organization that reduces mental health stigma in law enforcement. Also, raise awareness of the problem of suicide in LE.

CONTACT: https://bluehelp.org/

First Responders First

Here is a blog that gives information on mental health and treatment for First Responders. Please visit Saving the Lives that Save More Lives. They have written a blog post about First Responders and PTSD. Thank you to Mariah Jorgen for bringing this website to my attention.