Learning to Stand on Your Own Without Cutting Yourself Off
There’s a quiet fear many people carry as they grow: If I become too independent, I’ll lose everyone.
This fear often leads to two extremes. Some stay emotionally fused or never fully becoming themselves. Others swing hard in the opposite direction, choosing emotional cutoff as a form of self-protection. Both are understandable responses. Neither is the goal.
Healthy separation lives in the middle.
Emotional cutoff happens when connection feels too painful or overwhelming to maintain. It can look like distance, avoidance, or silence. While it may bring temporary relief, it often leaves unresolved grief and unhealed attachment wounds beneath the surface.
Standing on your own without cutting yourself off means learning how to stay emotionally present while no longer being emotionally governed by others. It means you can listen without absorbing. Love without surrendering your identity. Stay connected without losing yourself.
This is a skill not a personality trait
It requires self-awareness. When you feel activated around family, notice what gets stirred. Is it fear of disapproval? Old roles pulling you back? The urge to explain or defend yourself? These reactions are clues, not failures.
It also requires emotional regulation. Staying connected without collapsing means learning how to soothe your own nervous system instead of outsourcing safety to approval. Over time, this creates internal stability that makes external relationships less threatening.
Faith can support this steadiness. When your sense of belonging is rooted in something deeper than family approval, you’re less likely to react from fear. You can respond with intention instead of reflex.
This stage often involves redefining closeness. It may look quieter, slower, or more intentional than before. Not every thought needs to be shared. Not every disagreement needs to be resolved immediately. Distance does not automatically mean disconnection.
Some relationships will adapt. Others may resist. Both outcomes offer information.
Standing on your own is not about proving strength. It’s about learning how to remain soft without being consumed. Present without being controlled. Loving without losing your center.
That kind of maturity takes time. And it’s worth the work.
Life Happens. Here’s How To Cope. Life sometimes throws unexpected curveballs at us. We never know what’s just around the corner, whether it’s losing a job to being diagnosed with a new health condition. Fortunately, there are ways that Barefoot Faith Journey presents some examples of major life changes. This article offers a few quick bits of advice on what you might do when facing them.
Starting a New Business
If you’ve recently lost your job and decided that entrepreneurship was the path for you, congratulations. Not only are you facing adversity with a positive mindset, but you’re also on the most feasible path to gaining personal wealth. One quick tip to help this process is to form a limited liability company (LLC).
An LLC is a limited liability company, which reduces the chances of your personal assets being seized if your business gets sued. It’s a fairly flexible structure that you can file on your own using an online formation service. The online formation service will also have local laws and regulations around business formation. All of this is located in one convenient place for you to research.
The Death of a Spouse
Losing a spouse, especially when you have been together for decades, is a horribly painful loss to endure. In fact, it is so painful that 66% of people risk dying within 90 days after the loss of their partner, explains the National Council on Aging. Although the grief may feel unbearable, your purpose does not have to end at this tragic moment. Talk with friends and family. You can also celebrate the memories you shared, and do things that are right for you. This can mean moving or dating once again, when the time is right.
New Health Condition
Every day, millions of Americans are diagnosed with new health conditions, such as heart disease, diabetes, or cancer. There are many ways to cope with these, and it starts with understanding your condition. Next, set up a support network, create realistic goals for yourself, and focus on what you can do instead of what you can’t. You might also talk to your doctor about taking health supplements that can help with fatigue, brain fog, and more.
Having a Baby
You have likely heard people say that having a baby changes everything. However, you have no idea how true this is until you have that adorable little wrinkled bundle safe and sound in their crib home. The Baby Chick blog explains having a baby causes you to worry more, and you may experience changes within your relationship.
While many of the changes you’ll experience as a new parent are positive, you may also experience exhaustion and, in some cases, postpartum depression. Look for ways to get enough sleep, create a support network, and make healthy lifestyle changes, such as eating well and exercising.
It’s also common to feel like a stranger in your own body, as it may look and feel different than before your pregnancy. One way that you can focus on feeling and looking your best is to buy new clothes. Look for comfortable clothes that don’t sacrifice style, such as leggings, versatile dresses, and a flirty yet comfortable nightgown. Indeed, this may work to help you cope with caring for your new baby.
Losing Your Home
Whether it’s from fire, foreclosure, or some other unforeseeable event, losing your home is devastating. Similar to losing a loved one, you’re likely to experience grief, confusion, anger, and many other feelings. But you must accept that it’s time to start over and move on. Remember, you can’t bring back the past, but you can create a new future for yourself.
Supporting Your Mental Health
Each of these situations (and others not listed) will put your mental health at risk. There are some situationally-specific strategies you can use, but there are also more generalized ways to cope with grief, depression, and hopelessness. First and foremost, seek professional help. Therapy is nothing to be ashamed of and should be used anytime you need someone to talk to, especially after a big change.
Then, add small things to your daily activities that will help you to move out of your grief and depression. Being out in nature has been shown to reduce feelings of anxiety and depression, so take a walk or start a garden. You can visit https://homegardenhero.com/ for simple home gardening tips, including what to grow in your area.
Make time for the people you love – and who love you – even when you don’t feel like being social. Simply getting out of the house for lunch or coffee can make a big difference in your mental health, and each visit with loved ones will remind you that you are supported and loved.
Take Small Steps to Manage Challenging Situations
While no one has a crystal ball to know what will happen in the future, it pays to be mentally prepared for the unexpected. This doesn’t mean that you sit around and fixate on what might be, only that you know your options when facing a crisis. For some comfort and distraction, read more engaging posts on the Barefoot Faith Journey blog!
From starting a new business after losing the job to dealing with the lack of sleep that comes with having a new baby or learning how to manage diabetes or other conditions, today’s tips are a great quick reference guide that can help you maintain control during the chaos.
From unique recipes to inspirational topics, Barefoot Faith Journey has something for you.
Here is some Perspective from Mr. Rogers from Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood. This is what to do when you overreact and have regret. “Many people have asked me do you ever get mad and of course I answer “well yes, everyone gets mad sometimes.” The important thing is what we do with the mad that we feel in life.
A few weeks ago coming home from a particularly tough day at work, I stopped to see my two grandsons. Their mom and dad weren’t there but the boys were there with the babysitter in the backyard, squirting water with hoses. I could see that they were really having fun. but I felt that I needed to let them know that I didn’t want to be squirted.
Do Not Squirt Me
So I told them so, and little by little, I could feel that the older boy, Alexander, was testing the limit until finally, his hose was squirting very close to where I was standing. I said to him in my harshest voice, Okay, that’s it alexander turn off the water, you’ve had it.
He did as I told him and said he was sorry and looked very sad. The more I thought about it, the sadder I got. I realized Alexander had not squirted me. That I had stepped into his and his brother’s playtime with a lot of feelings leftover from work.
Guilt
So when I got home, I called Alexander, on the phone. I told him I felt awful about my visit with him. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I was taking out my anger from work on him. I told him I was really sorry.
Do you know how he answered me? Oh, Baba, everybody makes mistakes sometimes. I nearly cried. I was so touched by his naturally generous heart. I realized that if I hadn’t called him, I might not have ever received that wonderful gift of Alexander’s sweet forgiveness.”
A phrase my mom has always said is Hurt People Hurt People. That is an accurate phrase. I always thought that I was your favorite person. You would make time to come down and see me. You brought me books and movies. We would go to the movies and have the best time ever. It meant everything to me that we had a good relationship. But all that changed, now you can barely say two words to me. Now you won’t even make eye contact with me most of the time. And to be honest, it is hard for me to talk to you because I don’t know what to say.
Life After Death
After my cousin died, I was hurt so much after realizing that he may not be in heaven where I desperately wanted him to be. After him leaving so suddenly and I never got the chance to say goodbye, it was hard on me. Because I loved him and wanted to know I would see him again. And I loved you so much that I wanted to know that if you left suddenly, I would see you again.
Blaming Myself
Do you know my mom would not even let me read the letter you sent back to me? Because she knew it would hurt me if I read it. It was easier for me not to have to read it. I blamed myself for ruining our relationship. But now, I think it was more on you than on me. I was coming from a place of love but sadness and hurt. I didn’t understand why you didn’t believe the way that I did. I had no idea you would react the way you did.
You Stopped
You stopped writing to me. Also, you stopped all communication. You just stopped. That was hurtful to me. I looked up to you. I wanted to come to stay with you and wanted to be like you. I admired you for being as successful as you were. I understand now that what I said may have offended you, but I was a child and didn’t understand how it would offend you at the time.
Ensured Salvation
In my mind, I wanted to ensure that I would see you again. I wouldn’t have to know that you would be in the next life and not in a bad place. I was hurting so much, and I was only a child. How was I supposed to know that one email would change our relationship forever?
I think our Aunt blames me for our relationship not being where it used to be. I can see it on her face. I can feel it in her energy. But I know this was not my fault. My intentions were not of malice. You sent very hurtful letters back to me. It was not my intent to hurt you. Ever.
Now, I Understand
I have gone through a tough time since then. I have suffered much, and you have no idea. And I so desperately wanted you to love and accept me like I love and accept you now. I feel guilty because I didn’t mean to hurt you. I would never intentionally hurt you in any way. I would hope you felt the same way about me. I do not judge your lifestyle. I am not a child anymore. I now understand how offensive some statements can be, and I choose not to make those statements.
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