Tag: Self Awareness

Book Review, Circle of Hope Counseling Services

Brain Integration

Brandi C

More on Brain Integration

Brain Integration

Understanding Brain Integration

Integration is the process of connecting the distinct parts of the brain so they work together as a whole. When emotions become overwhelming and chaos takes over, the brain is in a state of dis-integration rather than integration. This is not an ideal state, as it leads to either emotional chaos or extreme rigidity, both of which hinder healthy responses and relationships.

Types of Integration

Two primary types of brain integration are crucial for overall well-being: horizontal and vertical integration.

  1. Horizontal Integration – This occurs when the logical, analytical left brain works in harmony with the emotional, intuitive right brain. When these two sides are disconnected, emotional responses can become either too rigid or too chaotic.
  2. Vertical Integration – This type ensures that the upstairs brain (responsible for higher-order thinking and decision-making) effectively communicates with the downstairs brain (which governs instinctive reactions, gut feelings, and survival responses). When this integration is disrupted, responses can be impulsive and reactive rather than thoughtful and measured.

The Brain’s Ability to Change

The good news is that the brain is malleable. New neural pathways can be created, meaning old habits and automatic reactions are not set in stone. Over time, with intentional effort, negative patterns can be replaced with healthier responses. The brain’s ability to rewire itself allows for continuous growth and healing.

“When neurons fire together, they grow new connections between them. Over time, the connections that result from firing lead to ‘rewiring’ in the brain. This means that we aren’t held captive for the rest of our lives by how our brain currently functions—we can rewire it to be healthier and happier.”

The River of Well-Being

A well-integrated brain is like a boat floating smoothly down a river—calm, steady, and balanced. When dis-integration occurs, the current shifts towards one of two extremes:

  • Chaos: A state where emotions feel out of control, leading to confusion and turmoil.
  • Rigidity: A state of excessive control, where there is an inability to adapt, compromise, or be flexible.

Both extremes create challenges in emotional regulation and relationships. The goal is to remain in the center of the river, maintaining flexibility, adaptability, and stability.

Recognizing and Achieving Integration

When chaos or rigidity is present, it is a sign that integration is lacking. A well-integrated individual demonstrates mental and emotional health by being adaptable, stable, and self-aware.

The key to fostering integration is recognizing patterns of dis-integration and consciously working towards balance. This requires developing awareness of emotional responses, pausing before reacting, and intentionally guiding thoughts and actions toward connection rather than control or emotional overwhelm.

Maintaining brain integration is an ongoing process, but with effort and awareness, it is possible to cultivate healthier interactions and a more balanced state of mind.

💛 If you’re navigating life’s hard places and need a safe space to heal, grow, or just breathe—Circle of Hope Counseling Services is here for you.

We offer trauma-informed, faith-filled therapy for individuals, couples, and families.

📞 Reach out today to schedule your first session (KY residents only) or learn more: Circle of Hope Counseling Services.

You don’t have to walk this journey alone. Hope starts here.

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Book Review, Circle of Hope Counseling Services

What Does ‘New Vision’ Mean

Brandi C

 What Does 'New Vision' Mean

What Does ‘New Vision’ Mean

Elizabeth B. Brown discusses the importance of gaining a new vision in her book, Living Successfully with Screwed-Up People. The idea of focusing on what is present rather than what is lacking in a difficult relationship is a powerful shift in perspective.

This concept resonates deeply. Fractured relationships can sometimes overshadow the joy found in those still present. Some may struggle to relate to this feeling, while others nod in understanding.

Conversations with trusted individuals can bring clarity. A friend, though distant for many years, offered wisdom and honesty that was both challenging and necessary. Sometimes, it is easier to seek validation from those who agree, but real growth comes from listening to hard truths.

Reading this book further reinforced the lessons learned. It highlights the concept of Aerial Vision—a broader perspective that removes arbitrary triggers and reveals that control in relationships is a choice. No one can dictate emotions or reactions unless that control is permitted. A difficult relationship is a shared dynamic; it takes two to sustain conflict.

Healing requires acknowledging personal responsibility while understanding that not all relational difficulties stem from one person alone. Apologizing when necessary is important, but dwelling in shame is harmful. Genuine repentance means making amends when possible, but if reconciliation is refused, the burden of guilt should not remain.

In some cases, apologies have been extended even without knowing the exact wrongdoing, simply to restore peace. However, when miscommunication persists and resolution remains elusive, sometimes the best step forward is releasing the situation and moving on.

Boundaries play a crucial role in managing complex relationships. Fear of rejection can make setting limits difficult, especially with close relationships. But maintaining unhealthy dynamics for fear of losing a connection only prolongs the pain. Relationships built on respect will withstand boundaries, while those dependent on control and manipulation will resist them.

This book underscores the reality that difficult relationships can feel like swamps—murky, filled with obstacles, and exhausting to navigate. However, a shift in perspective can illuminate a path forward. Choices determine whether a person remains stuck in turmoil or moves toward renewal.

True peace may not always mean reconciliation. While the hope for healing remains, it is not always possible. In such cases, seeking peace and setting firm boundaries are acts of self-preservation. As the book states, “The swamp bottom is often the beginning of renewal.” Embracing a broader vision fosters strength, clarity, and a healthier way forward.

Reach Out

💛 If you’re navigating life’s hard places and need a safe space to heal, grow, or just breathe—Circle of Hope Counseling Services is here for you.

We offer trauma-informed, faith-filled therapy for individuals, couples, and families.

📞 Reach out today to schedule your first session (KY residents only) or learn more: Circle of Hope Counseling Services.

You don’t have to walk this journey alone. Hope starts here.

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Matching Your Emotions With Your Feelings

Brandi C

Matching Your Emotions With Your Feelings

Matching Your Emotions With Your Feelings

Understanding and expressing emotions correctly is an essential skill, but it can be challenging. Have you ever felt sad but expressed anger instead? Or been scared but appeared frustrated? Learning to match your emotions with your feelings—and making sure your facial expressions align—can take practice, but it’s an important step in emotional intelligence.

The Difference Between Emotions and Feelings

Emotions are automatic, physiological responses to situations—like fear, sadness, or joy. Feelings, on the other hand, are the interpretations of those emotions based on our thoughts and experiences. While emotions happen in the body, feelings happen in the mind.

For example, if someone disappoints you, your initial emotional response might be sadness. However, if you don’t process that sadness, it might manifest as frustration or anger. This disconnect between your internal emotions and external expressions can cause confusion for both yourself and those around you.

Why Do We Mask Emotions?

Anger is often referred to as a secondary emotion because it usually stems from underlying feelings of fear, sadness, or hurt. If a person feels threatened, powerless, or vulnerable, their instinctive reaction might be to express anger instead of fear. Similarly, deep sadness might come across as irritability or withdrawal.

This masking happens for several reasons:

  • Social conditioning: We are often taught to hide vulnerability and “toughen up.”
  • Self-protection: Expressing anger can feel safer than showing fear or sadness.
  • Lack of awareness: Many people struggle to identify and process their emotions correctly.

The Role of Facial Expressions

Our facial expressions can sometimes betray our true emotions. Someone who is feeling heartbroken might unintentionally appear indifferent or even irritated. This misalignment can lead to misunderstandings, miscommunication, and even strained relationships.

To develop emotional awareness, try these steps:

  1. Pause and identify your emotions. Ask yourself, “What am I truly feeling right now?”
  2. Acknowledge the root cause. Are you feeling angry because you are actually scared or hurt?
  3. Practice mindfulness and self-reflection. Journaling or talking to a trusted person can help you uncover underlying emotions.
  4. Be intentional with facial expressions. If you’re feeling sad, allow your face to reflect that rather than masking it with frustration.
  5. Communicate openly. Let others know how you feel to prevent misunderstandings.

Final Thoughts

Matching your emotions with your feelings is a journey that requires self-awareness and practice. By taking the time to understand what you’re truly feeling and expressing it appropriately, you can foster better relationships, improve communication, and develop a healthier emotional life. Next time you feel anger bubbling up, take a step back and ask yourself—what’s really going on underneath?

💛 If you’re navigating life’s hard places and need a safe space to heal, grow, or just breathe—Circle of Hope Counseling Services is here for you.

We offer trauma-informed, faith-filled therapy for individuals, couples, and families.

📞 Reach out today to schedule your first session (KY residents only) or learn more: Circle of Hope Counseling Services.

You don’t have to walk this journey alone. Hope starts here.

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Let’s Learn About Psychogenic Itching

Brandi C

Let’s Learn About Psychogenic Itching

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Today’s Term: Psychogenic Itching

My First Encounter with Psychogenic Itching

That’s a fun one, right? I first experienced psychogenic itching about three years ago. At the time, I was seeing a new therapist and starting EMDR (that’s a whole other post for another day). My goal was to get trained in EMDR, but I didn’t want to do that until I had experienced it myself. I needed to understand every aspect of the protocol before asking someone to trust me with it or be that vulnerable with me.

The Sessions Begin

Bless this young lady’s heart. She showed so much patience and skill in working with me. The first session felt pretty mild, but I noticed an overwhelming exhaustion afterward.

During the second session, the itching started as soon as I walked into the lobby (I’m actually itching as I write this, just remembering it). Since I have Psoriasis and allergies, I didn’t immediately suspect anything unusual. However, by the end of the session, the itching became unbearable. We chalked it up to nerves and vulnerability.

By the third (and final) session, the itching started the moment I got into my car to drive to the appointment. By the time I walked into the room, it felt like ants or bugs were crawling all over me. My therapist, just as perplexed as I was, had already consulted her supervisor.

The Breaking Point

We started the session, and within minutes, the flashes in my mind, the intense itching, and the exhaustion overwhelmed me. I dropped my tappers (the little tools used in EMDR) and told her I was done. I wouldn’t be coming back.

After that session, we finally figured out what was happening: psychogenic itching. It’s a chronic itch triggered by psychological factors. Weird, right? For me, it tends to happen when I’m triggered by something or even when I talk about this experience.

A Lesson in Discernment

Looking back, I believe that was God’s gentle way of saying, “This isn’t for you.” Wisdom and discernment play a huge role in counseling. I have friends and family who’ve had very successful EMDR sessions, and I’m genuinely thrilled for them. But for me? Not my thing. And that’s okay. This experience taught me something I had never heard of before, and now I’m passing it on to you!

💛 If you’re navigating life’s hard places and need a safe space to heal, grow, or just breathe—Circle of Hope Counseling Services is here for you.

We offer trauma-informed, faith-filled therapy for individuals, couples, and families.

📞 Reach out today to schedule your first session (KY residents only) or learn more: Circle of Hope Counseling Services.

You don’t have to walk this journey alone. Hope starts here.

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Psychogenic Itching

Brandi C

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Psychogenic Itching: What It Is and How It Affects Us

Yes, Psychogenic itching is a real thing, and I didn’t even realize that was what was happening to me until recently. As a therapist, I am constantly learning—whether through trainings, observing other therapists, from clients, or personal experiences.

A few years ago, I tried EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) therapy. I wanted to experience it before getting trained myself, so I could fully understand what I was asking of my clients. However, my experience with EMDR was not great. I had some things I couldn’t remember, and EMDR was recommended to help with that.

EMDR Session One

I had already completed the initial screening, so I skipped that part and moved straight to the tappers. There are several different methods of EMDR, but the tappers resonated with me the most. For the first session, I was instructed to go to my first and worst memory. I did so in a dark room, guided by a therapist, with my eyes closed and the tappers in hand. However, my mind didn’t go to the memory I expected. Instead, it went to something completely different, and I began randomly itching during the process.

The session was mentally and emotionally exhausting. Afterward, I went home and slept for 12 straight hours. This is not unusual for me after intense therapy, but the itching continued once I got home.

EMDR Session Two

In my second session, I started itching as soon as I pulled into the parking lot. I didn’t think much of it at first—after all, I have allergies. However, when the session started, I noticed the itching became more frequent and intense. Even the therapist noticed. My mind was fighting the memories, the exhaustion was setting in, and the itching continued to worsen. At one point, feeling overwhelmed, I threw the tappers to the floor and told the therapist I was done. This was less than five minutes after we began.

The therapist was shocked by my reaction and just as confused as I was. She was young, new to EMDR, and I wasn’t an easy client. It wasn’t an ideal situation for either of us.

EMDR Session Three

By the third session, the itching had escalated. I was already breaking out in hives by the time I arrived at the session. I told my therapist that we would not be doing EMDR but instead needed to address the issue of my itching. She said she had never encountered anything like this and would need to consult with her supervisor before proceeding.

We spent the rest of the session processing and talking things through. At the end of the day, her supervisor didn’t have any answers either. My case was beyond her scope, so she referred me to someone with more experience. And that marked the end of my EMDR experience. While it works for some people, it wasn’t the right fit for me, and I decided it’s not something I will pursue or train in.

Itching

Psychogenic itching is rare and not often diagnosed. It is also poorly understood by the medical community. This type of itching is brought on by psychological distress such as anxiety, stress, depression, or OCD. The sensation of itching is triggered by mental and emotional strain, and it tends to subside once you calm down.

For me, the itching became more intense when I was under a lot of stress. There were times when I experienced hives or welps on my skin as a physical reaction to anxiety, but my hives didn’t itch. However, when I am completely overwhelmed, my whole body itches, I feel heat in my chest and face, and hives start to appear. I also experience stomach issues and sometimes even feel nauseous. My psoriasis flares up as well, and I currently have patches on my face and legs.

You Are Not Crazy

If you experience something similar, you are not crazy. You are simply going through a tough time. Remember that there are things you can do to calm yourself down and manage the symptoms:

  • Take a cool shower

  • Take a nap

  • Drink cold water

  • Eat a protein snack

  • Get some exercise

  • Stand in the sun

  • Do something relaxing

  • Take your medication as prescribed

  • Talk to your counselor, therapist, or medical professional

You are not alone, and you are not abnormal. We all face difficult situations, and while we can’t control the actions of others, we can control our own reactions. Imagine yourself with a hula hoop around you. Whatever you can fit inside the hula hoop is within your control. If something is outside of your hula hoop, walk away. It’s not your circus, and they are not your monkeys.

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What is and is Not in My Control

Brandi C

What is and is Not in My Control

What is and is Not in My Control

What is and is Not in My Control. I am a work in progress. Without hesitation, I can tell you that trying to control everything is 99.9% of my problem. Well, that and lack of trusting anyone…maybe that goes hand in hand, I don’t know. It’s a problem. I know that, get it, and respect it. There is a problem, and I am it.

What is IN My Control

  • my self-care
    • I get my hair done
    • Massages
    • Tattoos
    • Alone time at night
    • Reading
  • asking for help
    • Reaching out to family
    • Communicating with my husband and being vulnerable
    • Therapy
  • my decision
  • the friends I have
    • I don’t do this one well
  • my actions
    • I have apologized to those I need to
    • Forgiven most people, I need to
    • The Lord has made me HYPER aware
  • my boundaries
    • Hahahahaha
  • my thoughts
    • Oohhh…
  • my attitude
    • Well…
  • my words
    • Uhmmm…
  • what I say
    • Learning how to use them
    • Learning how to RESTRAIN from using them
    • Work in progress

OUT of My Control

  • who likes me
  • past mistakes
  • other’s feelings
  • what others think
  • other’s apologizing to me
  • other’s actions
  • what other people believe
  • weather
  • who loves me
  • other people’s time
  • someone else’s distraction

What is on Your List?

My struggle in the “out of my control” list is who likes me (why does this bother me so badly), past mistakes (I can’t forget), what others think of me, others’ actions, what other people believe, and who loves me. Those are my Achilles heel problems. What is on your list?

 

End the Stigma, Quotes

Perspective from Mr. Rogers

Brandi C

Perspective from Mr. Rogers

Perspective from Mr. Rogers

 

Here is some Perspective from Mr. Rogers from Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood.  This is what to do when you overreact and have regret.  “Many people have asked me do you ever get mad and of course I answer “well yes, everyone gets mad sometimes.”  The important thing is what we do with the mad that we feel in life.

A few weeks ago coming home from a particularly tough day at work, I stopped to see my two grandsons.  Their mom and dad weren’t there but the boys were there with the babysitter in the backyard, squirting water with hoses.  I could see that they were really having fun.  but I felt that I needed to let them know that I didn’t want to be squirted.

Do Not Squirt Me

So I told them so, and little by little, I could feel that the older boy, Alexander, was testing the limit until finally, his hose was squirting very close to where I was standing.  I said to him in my harshest voice, Okay, that’s it alexander turn off the water, you’ve had it.

He did as I told him and said he was sorry and looked very sad.  The more I thought about it, the sadder I got.  I realized Alexander had not squirted me.  That I had stepped into his and his brother’s playtime with a lot of feelings leftover from work.

Guilt

So when I got home, I called Alexander, on the phone.  I told him I felt awful about my visit with him. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I was taking out my anger from work on him.  I told him I was really sorry.

Do you know how he answered me?  Oh, Baba, everybody makes mistakes sometimes.  I nearly cried.  I was so touched by his naturally generous heart.  I realized that if I hadn’t called him, I might not have ever received that wonderful gift of Alexander’s sweet forgiveness.”

 

Circle of Hope Counseling Services, Guest Blogger

To Care for Others, First Care for Yourself

Brandi C

To Care for Others, First Care for Yourself

To Care for Others, First Care for Yourself

 

We are all walking our paths, and the road to healing isn’t always easy. We all need to remember that to help others, we must first ensure that we are maintaining our light and keeping ourselves mentally sound. In other words, To Care for Others, First Care for Yourself. Here are some tips for keeping your mental energy in the right spectrum and walking the path of healing as we move into 2021:

Heal your mind.

Mental health and self-care practices are two sides of the same coin. Numerous studies and research indicate the connection between self-care and mental health. Self-care is the act of increasing self-awareness, which includes cognitive processes. Practicing self-care can then help you recognize your emotional patterns. This means that when you become more self-aware, you can avoid the things that make you feel bad and recognize the things that make you feel more relaxed or calm, so you seek those things out.

Another way to take that step toward healing your mind is to assess your goals and how you can accomplish them. Focusing on the result of your mental health journey can be helpful, especially if you break the journey into smaller steps that you can surmount.

Heal your sleep.

Sleep is a massive part of your physical health, but it can help you maintain a mental balance, so striving to get an entire sleep cycle every night should be included in your self-care routine.

Cultivating a space conducive to good, quality rest is essential to creating a healthy sleep schedule. It will help if you transform your bedroom into a sleep-inducing space by using comfortable sheets and pillows, avoiding light disruption, and keeping the noise down. In addition, starting a pre-sleep routine (e.g., having nighttime tea, reading a book, dimming the lights, etc.) can help signal your body that it’s time to rest.

Heal your body.

Mental and physical health is inextricably linked. Eating healthy foods as part of a well-balanced diet, drinking plenty of water, and exercising are all ways to get your physical health in the right place — and they all provide a crucial component of mental health. Practicing good eating habits and a regular daily exercise regimen is part of self-care.

Heal your home.

An integral part of self-care is the maintenance of the environment around you. Creating a sanctuary out of your home is essential to finding inner peace and re-calibrating, even when the world seems unwelcoming.

Creating a positive atmosphere at home is essential in the healing process. Decluttering, cleaning, and letting fresh air into your home can help you make the kind of sanctuary that will go a long way toward getting your mental energy in the right place.

There is a connection between clutter and the stress hormone, Cortisol. In other words, when your space is too messy, negative thoughts can spike. So keeping your area clean and clutter-free contributes to the positive vibes you need.

Heal your connections.

Staying in touch with the people you love most is also a form of self-care, especially for families. Spending quality time with family strengthens bonds and helps keep you connected, even when it takes place virtually. The most significant part of maintaining close connections comes from making friends and family a priority and putting time and energy into those relationships.

Focus on you to focus on others.

Use these healing tips to emphasize self-care and your mental health journey. Once you are healthy and whole, you can turn your attention to others who may need help in this area.

For more faith-based, family-centric content, visit barefootfaithjourney.com.