Tag: mental illness

Circle of Hope Counseling Services, End the Stigma, Suicide Awareness and Prevention

In the Still of the Night The Monster Comes to Play

Brandi C

In the Still of the Night The Monster Comes to Play

In the Still of the Night, The Monster Comes to Play

The Monster in the Silence

I love the time of day when I can go upstairs and just be. For the day, I am done. I am done with work, cooking, cleaning, putting out fires, phone calls, texts, and all the other things that demand my attention. My stuff, a bottle of water, and my Coke come upstairs with me. I turn on all the fans, dim the lights, wash my face, and pile up in bed. Yet, in the still of the night, the monster comes to play. For a while, I am okay, but then my mind begins to wander. A wandering mind is never a good thing for me.

The Silence

My life is SO loud. My son is a chatterbox, people at work, the lights, traffic—just all the things. I stopped listening to music in the house (or car); the television is rarely on. Even chewing can grind my gears. Everything is loud. At night, though, aside from the fans, it’s silent, except for the thoughts in my head.

These thoughts aren’t good. In the past, I would watch the Detail Geek (the car detailing guy from Canada) and talk to a sweet friend. We’d chat through his details, laugh, and catch up on life. We’d talk about our issues, the issues with our children, and all the things. It was good to have that voice in my ear, even when we sat in silence. This became a nightly ritual that I came to enjoy.

Since she passed away, I stopped watching him. I get so emotional when I do. Then, I go to pick up the phone and realize she isn’t there. There’s that realization that most of the people I held dear to my heart have passed. I still have people I can call, but we are all in the thick of life. Without that calm, consistent voice, the unresolved trauma of life and loss floods me with grief because now I’m left with just myself and my thoughts.

Reality

When my friend’s daughter died (we were good friends before her mom and I became friends), I didn’t process her death for a year. Her death was so hard on me. I loved LA from the moment I met her until the moment we buried her. Donna and I were always close, but after LA’s passing, our bond became unbreakable.

There’s one night that stands out, and I still remember it vividly. I called Donna because my thoughts were so loud, and I was finally processing LA’s death. Here I am, crying so hard that I couldn’t breathe, and Donna, who had lost her daughter, comforted me. She couldn’t understand me through my sobs, but finally, she told me to stop crying and tell her two things that made me laugh when I thought of LA.

Bats. Hair dye.
Instantly, I stopped crying. I replayed that story over and over in my head. The darkness began to have a bit of light, and the monster retreated for a moment. But now, Donna is gone, and so is LA. I don’t have anyone to tell that story to. So, once again, the monster comes out to play in the stillness of the night. When I am alone with my own thoughts, the depression begins to overwhelm me.

Bats. Hair dye.
Bats. Hair dye.
Monsters go away because I do not want to play. LA’s birthday is coming up soon, and I often think of her children. I’m still in communication with them, but if it’s this hard for me, I can’t imagine what it’s like for them. Their pain is so deep, with so much loss at such a young age.

Cancer, Suicide, and Depression

Cancer is cruel, and it took Donna way too quickly. From diagnosis to her death was only nine days. You know what’s worse? Suicide. Please know that you are enough, you are worthy, you are loved, and life is better with you in it! Please reach out to a friend, pastor, counselor, therapist, or call 911 or 988, the National Suicide Hotline number.

Whereas Donna passed quickly from cancer, LA struggled with mental illness and made a choice that forever impacted all those who loved her. She has been on my mind a lot lately, especially with her birthday on the 14th and her death day on June 17th.

There are things that can help—counseling, fresh air, prayer, talking to someone, eating protein, drinking water, practicing self-care, reading, and many more. These things can help take your mind off of your current circumstances and focus on more positive things.

Please, reach out! You are loved.

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Guest Blogger, Medical

Lyme Disease Information- Diagnosis- Healing

Brandi C

 

Lyme Disease Information- Diagnosis- Healing

Lyme Disease Information- Diagnosis- Healing

My friend, Lesley Emerson, wrote about her daughter’s Lyme Disease journey a few years ago. Soon after that, we did a series of informational posts on Lyme. After the series, Callie was brave enough to write and bear her soul on this journey of illness, healing, and faith. To ensure this story is not buried amongst other blog posts, I thought I would consolidate them all.

What is Lyme Disease

What IS Lyme Disease? Borrelia: A tick-borne illness that can cause fatigue, flu-like symptoms, and a bulls-eye rash. The bulls-eye rash is only one part of Lyme Disease. There are about a billion other things that are comorbid with this disease. The bulls-eye rash is unmistakable. What starts as a tiny little bump begins to get bigger, warmer, and hard around the center. That’s when you know it is more than a typical tick bite. Seek treatment. Do not settle.

It is a corkscrew-shaped bacteria that gets all up and “screws” into place. The shape makes it incredibly hard to get rid of in the body. There is so much information on the CDC website.

I mean, look at that list above. ALS! MS! Alzheimer’s! Lupus! Bi-Polar Disorder! There are so many more. I’m so thankful for where the Lord led us.

As we followed His path, Callie was healed through non-typical methods. Step out of your box—color outside the lines. Be the patient who does not settle for a blanket diagnosis. Find the root of your illness. You can do this because you are capable and strong.

Lyme Disease Easy to Diagnose

Lyme Disease is easy to diagnose and is easy to treat. You might assume that if it were a possible cause of your illness, your medical provider would have considered that before your diagnosis, and there’s no need to discuss it now.

If Lyme Disease is easy to diagnose, why isn’t it standard practice for anyone showing signs of autoimmune illness, mental illness, autism, or other related illnesses? It’s pure and simple, and nothing shows it better than this picture of Callie administering her IV antibiotics that cost us (with insurance) $700 per week. 

Yes, we had insurance, but they paid for only the first 30 days of treatment. Thirty days is not nearly enough. Callie did this 3-4 times each day and would become very ill afterward. Our medical system has been taken over by greed, thus tying the hands of and misinforming our medical personnel.

I admired his conviction, but honestly, I cannot imagine risking my livelihood for someone I barely know. Please do not assume your doctors considered the possibility of Lyme before diagnosing you with something else.

Btw we found a much cheaper alternative, so don’t let that scare you.

Guess who has Lyme disease: Hereditary??

Hey! Guess Who Has Lyme Disease? ME!

By definition, the word hereditary means determined by genetic factors. Simply put, it can be passed down from generation to generation because Lyme is not correctly diagnosed (or misdiagnosed) or treated promptly. Lyme disease and co-infections are a generation-to-generation gift.

Although I’ve never been sick like Callie was, I know I am a carrier of this little gem because she had it. A tick can carry Lyme disease. However, Lyme is likely to be congenital.

Have you ever noticed that people in your family have similar health issues? Do you ever wonder why or think you are next in line for XY or Z? It doesn’t matter that you have had a negative test for Lyme.

Callie Had Three Negative Tests

The discouragement is real. Also, the weird and random symptoms were real. Fighting, going against the grain of society, and seeking out alternative healing methods is the key. I’m not saying that modern medicine is not something you need. It is. What I’m saying is sometimes you need more.

Lyme Disease does not travel alone. It’s important not to think chronic Lyme disease only stems from ticks. It is most often congenital and is a gift handed down from your parents.

One of the reasons it can be challenging to diagnose or be considered is because the symptoms are so broad. The signs are widespread because several co-infections go along with Lyme, and everyone has a different combo of them.

Lyme never comes alone. It always brings at least one co-infection. Your symptoms may be fatigue and pain, while another has migraines or depression. That’s because you have different co-infections.

Callie had Lyme and four co-infections. Guess who tested positive (although symptom-free) for Lyme and the same four co-infections?

My parents–yup!

Why are they symptom-free? Here’s how it works: God made you with a fully functioning immune system, and if we left it alone, it could handle all the gunk we inherited, plus things we are exposed to now.

Any number of things can give it a whack and make it limp a bit where it cannot fight at its full potential. When that happens, some of these fundamental things can pop up. Of course, we all know that the food we eat and all the junk we are doing to ourselves are a factor. Then other things can give your immune system a whack that’s just enough to be a trigger.

For Callie, it was an exposure to an insecticide (probably while playing soccer). Then she had her 6th-grade booster shots. That whacked her body just enough that she began having her first of many symptoms a month after having them. Because Lyme Disease does not travel alone, she not only Lyme but four other co-infections her body was battling.

Any Big Stressor

I’ve heard others have been in a car wreck or gone through a divorce (any significant stress). Some had gotten a flu shot, had anesthesia or had a significant health crisis. Afterward, their symptoms began.

All of those things can affect the function of your immune system letting congenital Lyme take over. Once Lyme Disease takes over and does not travel alone, other symptoms begin to emerge.

So if your family tree looks similar to the one below, there’s probably a good reason.

ALS and Lyme

ALS and Lyme Sneaky Little Bug. Lou Gehrig’s Disease is often misdiagnosed. However, the root is undiagnosed Lyme Disease. Lyme is such a sneaky little bug.

There are so many things that run comorbid with Lyme. The comorbid diagnosis is the one with the name, when Lyme gets away, undetected. Again, have your doctor do testing through Igenex. That is the key. Please, advocate for yourself if something seems off.

Sadly, it is the beast that is Lyme Disease.

This disease is horrible. A cure needs to be found. It saddens me that one little thing can cause and wreak so much havoc. So often, it is misdiagnosed, and people suffer. Needlessly. I mean, I had Lyme show up because my mom had it. We have to advocate for ourselves and our health. No one else will do it because only you know you.

where does it hurt?

So, where does it hurt? Your joints, your head, your fingertips, your back? Why are there so many symptoms of Lyme disease?

The bacteria is corkscrew-shaped and can bore into any tissue or organ in your body. How scary is that? It makes me think of something that bores into my skin or organs.

Some people have neurological issues because it is predominantly in their brain, some in their digestive tract or back, or anywhere from the top of your head to the bottom of your toes, making it difficult to diagnose just based on symptoms alone.

Testing is super easy with the Western blot test from Igenex Labs!

When your body is hurting, it is time to enlist the big guns at Igenex Labs! Igenex is the lab that has the most accurate test results. Other tests may come back as a false negative. You want to be accurate in determining whether or not you have Lyme Disease. Please be wise. Ask questions. Be an advocate for yourself. It can be challenging and intimidating, but you are your only advocate. Be loud and be heard.

Lymsomnia

Insomnia, or as Callie used to call it, Lymsomnia, is a prevalent symptom of Lyme disease.

Before treatment, insomnia kept Callie up all night, anywhere from 2-4 nights per week.

That fact adds up over several years. Erik and I took turns sitting with her so she didn’t feel alone. Sadly, this is why we have so many wrinkles, haha! Insomnia is so hard to handle. Losing sleep, restless sleep, or interrupted sleep can cause many other issues. It is a never-ending cycle. Maybe the term “Lymsomnia” should be in the dictionary.

Sleep Deprivation

Some signs that you may be struggling with sleep deprivation are memory issues and critical thinking skills. There can be mood changes, high blood pressure issues, weakened immune systems, etc. Most people blindly accept what diagnosis they are given. Then, they do as the instructions say on the bottle. But. What if it is more.

Sound Familiar?

If you are reading this and these things sound familiar, do not ask your doctor for a Lyme test. A Lyme test will likely come back negative. A negative test is one of the reasons so many people are slipping through the cracks. Also, not getting a proper diagnosis. The test most doctors use is entirely ineffective. There is one test and only one reliable lab in the country. Igenex Labs.

Crohn’s IBS Colitis Behcets

Crohn’s IBS Colitis Behcets Most of the “Lymies” I know have been told they have IBS.

IBS is “a common disorder that affects the large intestine. Signs and symptoms include cramping, abdominal pain, bloating, gas, diarrhea or constipation, or both. IBS is a chronic condition you’ll need to manage long term.”

Crohn’s Disease Symptoms are “inflammatory bowel disease (IBD). It causes inflammation of your digestive tract, which can lead to abdominal pain, severe diarrhea, fatigue, weight loss, and malnutrition. Inflammation caused by Crohn’s disease can involve different areas of the digestive tract in different people.”

Colitis

Colitis Symptoms is “a chronic digestive disease characterized by inflammation of the inner lining of the colon. Infection, loss of blood supply in the colon, Inflammatory Bowel Disease (IBD) and invasion of the colon wall with collagen or lymphocytic white blood cells are all possible causes of an inflamed colon.”

Behcet’s

Behcet’s Symptoms are “a rare disorder that causes blood vessel inflammation throughout your body. The disease can lead to numerous signs and symptoms that can seem unrelated at first. They can include mouth sores, eye inflammation, skin rashes and lesions, and genital sores.”

It’s on my list of medical things that have popped up. However, we’ve given it a name. Surprisingly, we did not check to find a root cause. For example, with Lyme, any muscle in your body can spasm. Also, tummy troubles and Lyme go hand in hand.

Please, be aware, ask questions, do not take NO for an answer, and advocate. You are an expert on your body, do not let anyone tell you any different.

 

Circle of Hope Counseling Services, End the Stigma, Suicide Awareness and Prevention

LA Came in Like a Tornado

Brandi C

LA Came in Like a Tornado

Leigh Ann Came in Like a Tornado

Ten years ago, I met a brassy blond girl at a ballpark. She had a crass mouth and a nasty smoking habit. She was loud and obnoxious. A person people moved away from when they saw her. She did not dress the part, talk the part, and certainly did not behave the part of what society deems “normal.” 

Yet, I was drawn to her. I saw myself in her—the girl that no one wanted to be friends with, the outcast. I have a deep love for those who seem unlovable. I see through the facade of what someone presents. I see their heart—that deep desire to fit in, yet the complete inability to do so.

Seeing a Bit of Jesus in Her

In my mind, I can close my eyes and see all the bright dots of Jesus throughout her. I just knew when those dots connected; she would be an unstoppable force of nature for the Kingdom.

I fell in love with this girl, her children, her brother, and her parents. We were a tight-knit group of misfits. I was blessed to be able to lead her to Christ one spring day. After she accepted Christ, I gave her a hot pink Bible. It was her favorite color. She loved Jesus with all her heart.

Mental Illness

She also struggled with mental illness. Despite her love for Jesus, she had good days and bad days. What bonded us was that I, too, suffer from mental illness. I have clinical depression. She had onset bipolar disorder. 

One thing I want you all to hear is that you can still love Jesus without abandon and still struggle with different types of mental illness. That does not mean you love Him less than someone who does not struggle.

How Did She Change My World?

She taught me how to accept those who were not “normal.” Also, she taught me to walk towards the waves instead of away from them. Live life without fear of abandonment and to hell what people thought of you.

Did I change her world? I hope I did. She made me a better person, and I hope I had some effect on her. Her mom always said that I did. I sure do love her children and now grandchildren. We were good for each other, for the most part.

Does it Change the World to Stand in the Gap?

Yes, it does the world when you brush and braid a friend’s hair for the last time? Also, when you begin painting her nails and toenails her favorite color? Does it change the world to wipe the ants off of her body while you are bathing her? What about closing her eyes for the last time?

Yes, it does change the world. It changed for LA’s children, her mother, and her brother. It also changed me and it showed me what the phrase “be Jesus with skin on” really means. Sacrificial love and service for her and her family.

LA, you are loved, thought of, and missed daily.

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Circle of Hope Counseling Services, End the Stigma, Guest Blogger, Suicide Awareness and Prevention

Ending the Stigma of Mental Illness

Brandi C

Ending the Stigma of Mental Illness

Ending the Stigma of Mental Illness

In Ending the Stigma of Mental Illness, my guest blogger shares her thoughts on this subject. I have a mental disorder that can be crippling at times. When I say crippling, I mean I cannot get myself out of bed. I have thoughts on a continuous loop that should not be there: those days when I don’t call or text. Or even speak to people. Hell, I don’t even come out of my room. When I say I can’t get myself out of bed, I mean, I literally will stay in it for days. I will only leave to go to the bathroom or to eat.

The “Happy” Place

There are also days when I am “happy”; these are the days when I can get myself into trouble. When I talk ninety to nothing and spend all of my money in one place, I could get in the car and drive in one direction, not knowing where I am going, but going anywhere is better than where I am. These are the days when I bombard all my friends that I haven’t talked to in days that I want to do something. On these days, I don’t sleep, I could be up for days at a time, and it wouldn’t bother me. I make poor choices when I am like this.

This is Bipolar Disorder in a Nutshell, at Least in my Case.

I am tired of the stigma on mental illness or mental health. Everyone can tell if you have asthma by the physical complications you have. However, when it comes to mental illnesses, we dare not speak of them. They don’t exist for people who don’t have them or perceive them as unfavorable.

You don’t see people not talking to people with asthma, so why shouldn’t they for people with mental illness. Honestly, I should feel free to share that I have bipolar disorder without having people think that it means I’m crazy. Furthermore, I shouldn’t have to own that lie, but here I am, pretending it doesn’t exist or calling myself crazy.

I am Tired of Comparing Myself to “Normal” People

What does that mean anyway? To be “normal.” The definition of normal is conforming to a standard; usual, typical, or expected. So I see that everyone should be the same, act the same, and do the same things the same way? Maybe I’m looking at it negatively, but it sounds like normal people are nowhere to be seen. Because no one is the same, no one is conformed to the same standards.

So why do we make ourselves feel less than just because of a mental illness? Bipolar disorder is my regular just because it isn’t yours doesn’t mean that you have the right to tell me that I am wrong, not to be trusted, or dangerous because of it.

Thankful

Today, I am thankful for modern medicine. It has helped me look at life a bit more clearly. God is more significant than all, but He created man to create a treatment to help. Never feel weak because you need medication to help you even things out. You are not weak! Honestly, you are brave and strong.

 

Circle of Hope Counseling Services, End the Stigma, Guest Blogger, Suicide Awareness and Prevention

Depression is Gray and Black

Brandi C

Depression is Gray and Black

 

Depression is Gray and Black

 

Depression 

Is a dark and twisty place

It’s when your inner thoughts are gray and black

There is no light 

There is no white 

Just gray or black

The gray is sad but bearable thoughts

This is where you look back at what’s wrong

 grieving the way you handled it

Want to do something to change it but can’t

These thoughts I think are easier to voice 

To seek help.  Ask someone to hold you accountable

To try and continue your life 

Which is Worse?

The black well that is the worse 

The dark and the bleak 

These thoughts are much more dangerous

These are the thoughts that keep you imprisoned in your mind

Keep you in bed for days 

Give you the feelings of why even try?

These thoughts are almost impossible to voice 

The darker the thought the harder it gets to talk to people 

The harder it gets to seek help 

And the harder it is to continue anything in life

The In-Between

Somewhere between the gray and black, there is a turning point

From being sad to wanting to crawl under a rock and die

I’m not sure where the begins

I just know that’s where it ends.

But surely there is a way to continue life looking towards something 

Instead of looking back at the past 

If you can get there that’s when you can see a light

It starts off small almost like a dot

Finding the Dot

For me trying to find that dot is the hardest part 

Trying to find something worth looking for the dot.

But once I find it I plan on holding on to it.

Because the dot will eventually grow 

It will become the light that I seek. 

I just have to hold on a little longer. 

And keep looking ahead.

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Circle of Hope Counseling Services, End the Stigma, Guest Blogger, Suicide Awareness and Prevention

Choices that I Made

Brandi C

Choices that I Made

“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:7  The Lord chose me and His choices are for me to live!

Life-Changing Events

Being a young parent is hard. Tremendously hard. It changes you when you have complicated pregnancies and one delivery that almost loses your child. The lack of communication, dealing with undiagnosed (and untreated) mental illness (depression and anxiety), and money were some of the problems. Well, that can wreak havoc on a marriage. Other things that happened were utterly life-changing. My children and I almost died. That was the moment when I lost myself.

Choices that I Made

Because of the events that changed three beautiful kids and me forever, I left a good husband. He did nothing but try to be the best husband. Honestly, I think he believed that if he just loved me enough, all my past anxiety and depression would go away. Unfortunately, it didn’t.

Just Keeping Swimming

A failed marriage, a dead-end relationship, and then an abusive marriage is what happened in the blink of an eye. That relationship and abusive marriage are things I should never have been in in the first place. The abusive marriage caused me to be in a very dark place.

I tried to keep on, but I was treading water, barely keeping my eyes above the waves. Sadly, I went through the motions of life, but I wasn’t there anymore. A terrible accident occurred, and I have not recovered from that. Medical issues and so much more that I cannot even list. It was just hit after hit. Day after day. Minute after minute.

What I Didn’t See

Nothing I did that was good enough for him. He cheated all the time. Lied. He abused me mentally, emotionally, and so much more. He tried to separate me from the people I loved most. So I tried to take my own life. I didn’t feel worthy. I thought that everyone would be better off without me. My kids and family were isolated from me because of my abusive husband. I didn’t want to live anymore.

But God

By the grace of God, I lived. My family never left me. They gave me the strength to leave him and move forward. I learned how to live independently, seeking no one’s approval. This time, as an adult, I sought help and continued to stay in therapy. Sadly, I have had a couple of relapses. However, my family rallied around me this time, and I was not alone.

Today

I am happy to say that I am alive, happily married again, and I have a great support system. I feel I am a much stronger person now. The man I am married to is good for me and loves me. Now, I have a bonus daughter to add to my crew. I am loved.

My Advice to You

There have been choices that I have made that were very bad. Honestly, I regret it to this day. If I could take it all back and have a do-over, I would in a heartbeat. Sadly, I can’t. So all I can do is learn from them. I have done that and moved on. I’ve also known that it’s okay to have bad days. There are days when you want to curl up in a bed and cry all day. Maybe eat a gallon of ice cream.

Just don’t stay there.

You are not that person anymore.

Resources

If you or someone you know is being abused, PLEASE reach out.

ChildHelp Hotline

National Domestic Violence Hotline

Suicide Prevention Lifeline

 

Circle of Hope Counseling Services, End the Stigma, Guest Blogger, Suicide Awareness and Prevention

My Life is Hard

Brandi C

My Life is Hard

As you can see, mental illness can affect every ounce of your life. Thoughts come and go like the ocean’s tides, yet she remains steadfast. She is trying and reaching out. Though some days, all appears well with her, in her mind, they are not. Please show grace and kindness to all you meet. You do not know the battles they face.

My Life is Hard

It is a struggle for me on most days to get out of bed. To remember to make myself take my pills that are supposed to help the chemical imbalance in my brain. Aka makes me happier and more “normal.” Sometimes I feel like they work; other times, I feel like my old self. I let the thoughts I thought were gone back in. Once they are in, I can’t get them out. I think about things I’ve done and how I liked the feeling. But then I think about the people I know who would be disappointed in me if I chose that path again.

So I sit and contemplate, should I or not? I liked the pain and the feeling of getting it out in a way only I could feel. I mean, I wasn’t hurting anyone else, was I? But no, I made a promise, so I chose to sit in silence. I decide to do nothing but sit and stare into the emptiness inside me. Most days, I try to fill the hole with anything it holds. I try to keep my mind occupied to keep away the thoughts of suicide.

Some Days

But then there are days when everything seems alright, the pain is still there, but it’s not so debilitating. These days life is not so bad I have the energy I can talk and reciprocate the feeling and put effort into conversating. I can express the things on my mind and try to tell them I’m not okay and need some help and not just for the day. These days I’m motivated, by my commitments, to my job, or to do anything involving another person. These are the days that I see my people the most. I try to explain where I’ve been and why I’ve been so distant, but they know they’ve been there with me. The days that I am okay are the days that I feel loved, and those are the days I return the love.

Few and Far Between

The good days used to be far and in between, the bad days now that’s where I lived. But now, my days are starting to turn around. I’m not going to lie; they’re about 50% good and 50% bad. I’m not where I want to be, but I’m farther than I thought I’d be. I know ill never be 100% good no one ever is. But I would like the good to be more than the bad for one day.

My Goal

I know the only way to achieve my goal is to work on myself and be honest with myself. I need to be more aware of my feelings and keep myself on the right path. I’ve got to decide to make an effort to get better. And I have; I take my medication when I’m supposed to, and I tell the doctor when I feel like I need something new. I’m trying to go to counseling for the first time. I am honest, and I try to get my feeling across. I am trying.

For me, the thing that’s helped me is the bond between the people I consider to be my support system. They aren’t afraid to tell me how it is and push me to do what I know I should do but am too scared to do. My support people love me because they can, not because they feel obligated to love me. They choose to care about my life, listen to me without making me feel guilty, and help and advise when they feel like they can.

Reaching Out

The one thing that’s helped me the most is finding people that share the same thoughts. It’s easier for me to open up to someone that I know has been in a similar situation or the same mental disorder. We can share our feelings and know that we aren’t alone. We can talk about the bad days and not worry about the looks we will get. Because we both share the same struggles, we can help each other through them. We can talk to each other without getting offended.

Thoughts on Mental Disorder

When you have a mental disorder, taking responsibility for your actions is hard, so having that support group, friends, and sometimes family makes it easier when they can help remind you. You may have a more challenging time making the right decision because of the disorder, but you are the one that makes that decision. Because for the longest time, I blamed everything on everyone, and then I blamed everything on my mental disorder. But now that I’m stable, I can see everything is up to me. I chose what to do and when to do it, so I’m trying to make a better effort.

I am a Work in Progress

My life is hard, but at least I try. I’m no longer sitting in the dark contemplating my life. I may not be all sunshine and rainbows, but at least I now can smile. I now hate myself a little less, and I admit I am a work in progress. I’ll always struggle with this depression and my mental disorder. It will always be harder for me than most, but now I am fighting for my life. I want to live and love. To grow into the person, I was meant to be. I want to use my struggles to help others, but most importantly, I want to be free. Free of shame, free of guilt, and free of hate for myself.

Resources

If you or someone you know is being abused, PLEASE reach out.

ChildHelp Hotline

National Domestic Violence Hotline

Suicide Prevention Lifeline

 

Circle of Hope Counseling Services, End the Stigma, Guest Blogger, Suicide Awareness and Prevention

Promised Suicide

Brandi C

Promised Suicide

Promised Suicide

 

TRIGGERING POST In the story of Promised Suicide, a young woman shares how the generational curse has affected her life. Promised Suicide is a very personal story. It is heartbreaking what she has endured and continues to endure the battle of her mind. Tomorrow, she will talk about where she is now in life and how her beginning was trying to dictate her future, but then there was God.

As a child:

I always promised myself that I would never be like you,

Never leave my family feeling unloved,

I would never drink to be drunk,

Never medicate myself,

I would never lay in the bed for weeks at a time,

Never do anything to harm myself.

And yet, as an adult:

I’ve made everyone I love feel hated,

Drunk because I’m sad,

I’ve thought about taking too many of my own pills,

Laid in the bed for weeks at a time,

I’ve cut and carved things into my skin.

As a child:

I didn’t realize what it was like to feel Alone, Unloved, Insignificant,

All I knew was that my mother didn’t care,

My mother hated me,

She didn’t want to spend time with me.

My mother hated herself,

And most of all, my mother wanted to die.

As an adult:

I don’t care,

In fact, I hate myself,

I don’t want to spend time with anyone,

I wanted to die.

All because I feel Unlovable, Alone, and Insignificant.

I wonder if there is any connection between what I saw as a child and why I am the way I am.

Did I learn to handle life the way I have?

I mean, it would be way easier for me to blame you.

You were the one that raised me,

Or was it the other way around?

What did you expect out of me when you let me take care of you.

Did you expect me to be normal; After all the things I’ve been through?

After flushing away the last pills, you didn’t take,

Picking up the blades you tried to use to take your life away,

After scrubbing your blood off of the floor and then putting everything back in place.

But no, I can’t blame this on you. I chose to do it too,

I chose to pick up that knife

Chose to make the plan

I am responsible for my actions

Resources

If you or someone you know is being abused, PLEASE reach out.

ChildHelp Hotline

National Domestic Violence Hotline

Suicide Prevention Lifeline

 

Circle of Hope Counseling Services, End the Stigma, Suicide Awareness and Prevention

World Suicide Prevention Awareness Day

Brandi C

World Suicide Prevention Awareness Day

World Suicide Prevention Awareness Day

WARNING THIS COULD BE A TRIGGERING POST:  Today, September 10, 2020, is World Suicide Prevention Awareness Day.  Content in this issue contains information on death and dying, mental illness, and mental health crisis, which some readers may find triggering. If you need support at any time, please call or text 988, or the National Postpartum Depression Hotline at 1-800-PPD-MOMS.

#BEThe1To ASK

This can be a HARD thing to say.  For me, I don’t want to put that seed in their head, if it isn’t already there.  I do pray for discernment.  Simply say “How are you feeling?  Do you have anything in the home that can harm you?  Are you safe?  How can I help?  Do you feel the urge to do something unsafe to yourself.”

I always follow up those questions with truths.  “You are loved.  I love you.  You are my treasure.  There is hope.  Value to your life.”

#BeThe1To KEEP THEM SAFE

I usually show up, if I can.  There have been many hours spent cleaning my friends up while reminding them they are loved.  I have sat at hospitals for hours on end to just be present and remind them that they are loved and treasured.  This is a moment, this does not have to be their forever.  Sometimes, I have to be their voice when they are struggling to find their words.

#BeThe1To BE THERE

Did the people in the back hear this?  LISTEN WITHOUT JUDGMENT AND WITH COMPASSION AND EMPATHY.   This is NOT hard.  Just simply listen, support, encourage, and cry with them.  They don’t need you to fix it.  Honestly, they just need an ear.

#BeThe1To HELP THEM CONNECT

Know the number.  Call it for them, if they need you to.  Be the one who calls in the cavalry if you need to.  Give them a list of people that can listen and help.  Pastors, family, friends, therapists and then make sure they follow through!  Go with them if they need it.

#BeThe1To FOLLOW UP

When the crisis is over, for that moment, follow up and check on them.  Once a week, send an encouraging text.  Call.  Visit.  Somehow relay that you are so thankful that they are there and the purpose that they have in this life.  God is not done with them yet!

BEThe1To  You can save a life…just by asking!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Circle of Hope Counseling Services, End the Stigma, Suicide Awareness and Prevention

Suicide Deaths in the United States

Brandi C

Suicide Deaths in the United States

These are some powerful visuals from the Suicide Prevention Resource Center.  The statistics are based on Suicide Deaths in the United States.  Please, stop and take a look.  More people have suicidal ideations than you think.  Sadly, some of these people may be your family or friends.

 

Suicide Deaths in the United States

From 2009 to 2018, the age-adjusted suicide death rate increased from 11.76 to 14.24 per 100,000 people. From 2009 to 2018, the rate increased from 19.23 to 22.79 per 100,000 for males. Among females, the rate increased from 4.88 in 2009 to 6.18 in 2018.

Suicides consistently outnumber homicides.

Suicide Deaths in the United States

 

The homicide rate has not consistently shown the upward trend that we see with the suicide rate.

Suicide Deaths in the United States

 

Suicide rates are generally highest in Alaska and in the western and northwestern United States, with the exception of southern California and parts of Washington. Rural counties generally have higher rates of suicide than urban counties.

References

  1. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, National Center for Health Statistics. (2020). 1999-2018 Wide-Ranging Online Data for Epidemiological Research (WONDER), Multiple Cause of Death files [Data file]. Retrieved from CDC Underlying Cause

  2. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. 2008-2014, United States Smoothed Age-Adjusted Death Rates per 100,000 Population [map]. All Injury, Suicide, All Races, All Ethnicities, Both Sexes, All Ages. (January 2020). Retrieved from CDC

  3. Rosen, L. M., Hedegaard, H., Kahn, D., & Warner, M. (2018). County-level trends in suicide rates in the U.S., 2005–2015. American Journal of Preventive Medicine [3], 55(1), 72-79.

 

Circle of Hope Counseling Services, End the Stigma, Guest Blogger, Suicide Awareness and Prevention

You are Not Your Trauma

Brandi C

You are Not Your Trauma

Highlighting Stories of Survivors

In this story, you will read about a “boyfriend” who abuses his girlfriend. The phrase “You Are Not Your Trauma” has affected my heart so profoundly. As my heart was breaking for what this young girl had gone through, in the end, she knows Truth. What man used for evil, He will use for His glory. Somehow, someway, her story will give the strength to someone else to SPEAK UP and GET OUT. Her strength and courage leave me in awe. I’m so proud of this young lady.

A TRUE story of this young lady being controlled, manipulated, abused, and her suicidal ideations. She is NOT a victim. This girl is a survivor and a child of the King. Please be mindful that I will not tolerate judgment or hateful things if I leave comments.

The Beginning

I don’t even know where to begin, so I guess I will start at the beginning. I had a very happy childhood; it was normal until it wasn’t. When I was about 14, almost 15, I was in a courtship with a person older than me. It seemed so innocent at the time. We were almost always supervised by my parents or his.

His Capabilities

When you are 14, you start being interested in boys and all that fun stuff. So it was nice to be noticed by someone of the opposite sex. I had no idea what he was capable of, and I am still finding out what he was capable of to this day. I honestly don’t know when it happened, but he emotionally and psychologically abused me. 

He also molested me. There, I said it. It’s not something I like to talk about at all. Some people in this world are super manipulators. They can play you and get inside your head; you have no idea what hit you. That’s what this person was like, a master manipulator. A snake. That’s a good word to use, the other ones I want to use involve curse words, and I do not think that is appropriate in this context. 

Fear

I was afraid. All the time. Fearful of making my abuser angry. Afraid of him hurting me. Afraid that one misstep would be the end. That fear came to a boiling point when he attempted to force me to kiss him by holding my face with a blanket over my head and pulling me towards him. I fought like hell, and he backed off. But that wasn’t the end. I knew that he would hurt me if I said anything. 

He didn’t even have to threaten me. He had such control over my mind that I knew without him saying anything. Then the molestation happened. I do not want to disclose that and don’t have to. I still didn’t say anything. I remember he came to my bedroom window after everyone was asleep and told me it was best if I didn’t tell anyone. That scared me. He scared me. 

Speaking Out

But I did eventually say something. And it didn’t end; I wanted it to end. I tried to forget everything that happened and never remembered it. Maybe if I ignored it, it would go away. No, that is not how life works. Then the police were involved, which was also terrifying. Me, a 15-year-old child, being interviewed by a detective (who, by the way, is a wonderful person. I am forever grateful for how he helped me. Yet it is hard for me to talk to him now. He reminds me of what happened.) The person went away. I only saw him a few times after that.

But it Didn’t End

Even though he was gone, it didn’t end. I remember not even knowing what I liked to do. I didn’t even know who I was anymore without him. I tried to put this whole situation behind me. I “forgave” this person, but I didn’t because I did not understand the scope of the damage he did to me. 

Abuse, no matter the type, changes a person. It eats away at your brain. You get paranoid. Jumpy. Nowhere is safe. No one is safe. Trust is a prized commodity. If I bestowed my trust upon you, you better treat it respectfully. Because the moment you give me a reason not to trust you, you are gone. And there is no going back.

Returning to “Normal”

Growing up after that incident, my childhood returned to “normal.” But I didn’t feel normal. I felt out of place. My innocence was gone. I became very hyperactive. I could not sit still and chatter nonsensically, but the nights were the worst. I felt I needed to be doing something to avoid being still constantly. The nights were so bad. Alone at night with my thoughts, that’s when the dark would try to creep in. 

Moving On

When I got to college, I worked three jobs and took a huge class load. I was so depressed. I would fake being happy. Just put a smile on my face, and everything would be ok. But those dark memories I had repressed for so long kept creeping up on me. I began to have panic attacks and pain in places I had not experienced. These panic attacks stemmed from my trauma, but I didn’t know it. 

I got a big girl job right before I graduated college. I was over the moon. I was good at my job. I met someone, he was sweet, and I gave him some of my precious trust. I thought I was “happy .”But I wasn’t. Those master manipulator traits the person that hurt me had, this person had too. He would make jokes at my expense, gaslight me, and only care about the physical side of our relationship.

Another “Charmer”

Now this person was a real charmer; he decided to break up with me a few months before we were going to get married. I remember being so distraught. That beloved trust I had given him was disintegrating. It tore me to my core. It took so long to be able to “get over” him. I should also mention that I don’t trust. Shocker. I know. I am very distrustful of people that I do not know, especially men. I make it a point not to be alone with men if I can help. I do it almost subconsciously. I don’t even really think about it anymore. 

Spiraling Downward

Then I lost my job. I was so sad, so hopeless. I don’t even know why I lost that job. I had to move out of my apartment to another one. I didn’t have hardly any money after that move because it took almost all the money I had saved. My depression was at its height. 

My parents had to give me money to get by. I didn’t want their money. I didn’t want to ask, but they gave it anyway. I ended up searching for jobs and couldn’t find one. I interviewed for several, and nothing. I returned to a part-time position so I could have some money for my rent. And that was a comfort to me, going back to something familiar. 

But my panic attacks, anxiety, and depression were almost insurmountable. At this point, I thought there was something wrong with me. I had everything when I was a child. There was no reason for me to be this way. What is wrong with me? 

The Unexpected

I ended up finding a different job. I had to go away to training for weeks, only coming home for the weekends. At the time, I was dating other people. I dated some peculiar people. But at that training, I met the forever love of my life. Not expected. 

He is unlike any other man I have ever dated. He had no idea of the mental anguish that I suffered daily. I ended up marrying that man, still with this awful job that caused me to be physically ill because I did not want to be there. I still have flashbacks to that job and the horrible things I saw there. It was a dangerous job, unexpected. 

Because I felt like I had to walk on eggshells around everyone, I was constantly on my guard (typical for me, but this was a dangerous situation) for anything to happen. And that is just not the way that anyone should live. I got another job now, and I am so thankful for that one. 

Getting Help

At this time, my now husband encouraged me to go to counseling. And I did. But I didn’t go for the right reasons. I was fresh married, so we had a lot of getting used to each other. I was learning to trust again. And that was hard. I told this counselor what happened to me, but it was never the focus of what we discussed in sessions. It was helpful for the time. 

I was medicated from my first big girl job, which seemed to help a lot. However, I was on a lot of meds. A lot. Too much, and it affected me big time. I felt like a zombie, numb, and it was not an easy feeling. I quit going to that counselor because I thought I was all better now. 

Panic Attacks, Flashbacks, Intrusive Thoughts

Fast forward a few months, at home. Panic attacks run rampant. It got so much worse. I would lash out at my husband, and I didn’t mean to do that. He knew what happened to me, and one day I asked him if he thought it affected me, and he said it did. That struck me. 

My panic attacks were so severe that I would feel like I couldn’t move. I would scream and cry in fear. For some reason, my brain would revert to those fearful times and make it seem like they were happening again, even though I knew I was safe. I would just see his face. The one that hurt me. He never left. He was always there. 

I had the most intense flashbacks that I have ever had. And I realized. I wasn’t like this before this happened to me. I wasn’t hyperactive, I wasn’t depressed, I wasn’t anxious, and I didn’t deal with intrusive thoughts or compulsions. I didn’t obsess over every little thing. I didn’t have panic attacks. I realized that he caused all of this. But what was I to do? I constantly felt like I was not enough. 

Suicidal Ideations

Eventually, I went off my meds because I thought I was bett, which was a big mistake. I was fine for a while, but then I became numb. I didn’t care for the things I liked to do. I didn’t want to do anything but lay in bed all day long. My pain and anguish were so overwhelming that I didn’t think there was a way out. 

Some days I would feel everything. Then other days, I felt nothing. I was suicidal. I didn’t want to do it, but the thoughts were there. It would sit on my brain for hours. And hours. And hours. I was in so much pain. In such a deep, dark tunnel, I thought no one could reach me. I was ashamed of what I felt. When I told my mom and my husband, I feared they would be angry with me. But they weren’t. They worked out a safety plan with me. 

When Most People Think of Suicidality

They think well that person is selfish. That person is crazy. That person needs to be in an institution somewhere. I hate all of that. It is not ok. This stigma surrounds people who have suicidal ideations. The people that are suicidal are not crazy. They are hurting. They are in a mental anguish that you will never understand. 

They need love and support, not to be told they are selfish or crazy. Not to be brushed off as, oh well, you can’t be that depressed. I was told by some people well; you don’t look depressed. You don’t have anxiety. You can’t. Look at all you have; you can’t be depressed when you have all of this. Just exercise. That will fix it. LET GO AND LET GOD. Ughhh, how I hate that phrase. 

Just Listen

Letting it go is not easy. It doesn’t work. If it worked, I would have been “cured” long ago. My trauma would have just disappeared if letting goes worked. But it doesn’t, so do everyone around you a favor and stop saying that. Just. Stop. Take it out of your vocabulary. Also, while you are at it, take out this one: “God won’t give you anything that you can’t handle.” 

God gives us stuff we can’t handle so He can be the one to handle it. I have had to let myself be weak so God can be stronger. And that is not an easy thing to do. So stop saying all these fluffy phrases because you have no idea what people around you are walking through in their lives. 

Unless you are willing to walk through the fire in their place, just be there as a support. But don’t tell them everything will be fine, don’t try to fluff things up. Just be there. Just listen without judgment. I repeat: JUST LISTEN. 

Fast Forward

Now that my soapbox is over, fast forward to the beginning of this year. I had the realization, the aha moment, that my trauma caused all of my pain. All of my mental illnesses. All of it. So I made the courageous step to seek out a trauma counselor. She is wonderful. I bonded with her immediately. She understood and didn’t judge me like so many people have. She listens and lets me cry. She makes observations that make so much sense. She tells me I need to re-parent that 14 years old because she is still there. Desperate for help. She helped me with my safety plan. 

I had the support of her, my mom, and my husband. I got closer to Jesus. He helped me realize that even though I was going through a dark tunnel, he was there. He would pull me out. He was right there the whole time. And it was Jesus who pushed me to get into trauma therapy. While it is hard to revisit those awful things that happened to me, I feel more at peace than ever. I got back on my meds. 

Good and Bad Days

I have good days and bad days. But more good than bad. Trauma processing is something that needs to happen. Because when trauma occurs, our brains do not file those memories away as they are supposed to. So I have to revisit every memory and refile it correctly so I won’t be as affected. It will always be there, it is a part of my story, but I no longer have to fear it. God wants all of me, even the parts I don’t want him to have. He has brought all those fears and memories into the light, so I don’t have to hide them anymore. 

Seek Help

So, for those reading this that are in pain and suffering. Seek help. You will find it. You don’t have to go through life alone. If you are suffering, talk to me. Or find someone you trust and talk to them. If you need medication to get by, then do it. Ignore the stigma behind being medicated. 

Many intelligent people in this world have figured out that mental illness is caused by brain chemicals not being balanced. So meds are there to help you balance your chemicals. Do not beat yourself up for taking meds. Just don’t do it. I did, and it isn’t worth it. It is there for a reason. There is no need to feel ashamed about taking medication. 

If you need to go to therapy, then do it. It is not easy, but don’t feel you have to give your whole life story the first time you meet your therapist. If you don’t like them, find someone else. Get to know them, and make sure they are a good fit. 

You Are Not Your Trauma

Do not lose hope. Even when you think there is no hope, there is always a sliver. Know that you are not your trauma. Know that you are not your past. No matter what you have done, know that you are loved. If you think no one else loves you, talk to me. If I am the only one, then so be it. You have someone that loves you. Your life is too precious to be taken so soon. You have a purpose in this world. You just may not have found it yet. Don’t lose hope. 

Listen Without Judgement

And for those reading this who are fortunate enough not to have any trauma or mental illness. This is for you. Listen without judgment. If someone trusts you enough to talk to you about tough shit, do not take that for granted. These people are reaching out to you; take their hand and walk with them. 

Don’t fluff up the situation. For Pete’s sake, quit saying let go, let God. Just listen and try to put yourself in their shoes. If someone is acting strange, not like themselves, don’t ignore that. Strike up a conversation. Ask them if they are alright. They may lie, but don’t ignore the warning signs. Keep talking to them, and let them know they are loved and appreciated. Tell them that you are there for them if they need someone. Just listen and love. Get rid of your stigma against suicide, mental health, therapy, and medication. Educate yourselves. The more you know, the better prepared you will be. 

Resources

If you or someone you know is being abused, PLEASE reach out.

ChildHelp Hotline

National Domestic Violence Hotline

Suicide Prevention Lifeline

 

Circle of Hope Counseling Services, End the Stigma, Suicide Awareness and Prevention

Resources that Can Help with Suicide Prevention

Brandi C

Resources that Can Help with Suicide Prevention

 

Resources that Can Help with Suicide Prevention

Suicide is a topic that is near to my heart. This month is Suicide Prevention Awareness Month. Specifically, if you think someone you know is in danger, call 911! Make sure they seek help. During an escalated situation, sometimes mental clarity can get in the way. For that reason, recognize the problem. Therefore, be prepared and have numbers handy. For that reason, understand that the person you are helping can cause friction. During this friction time, do not be offended by what could be said to you. By making the phone call and intervening, you are saving another person’s life. Specifically, your friend’s life. Also, do not disappear. Firstly, the person you are helping feels abandoned. Secondly, by staying with them, you are showing them they are still loved. More often than not, this act is as important as that first phone call of help.

1. Suicide Prevention Resource Center (SPRC)

Website: http://www.sprc.org/ Crisis Line: 1-800-273-TALK (8255)

Subsequently, the (SPRC) is the only federally supported resource center.

2. National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH)

Website: https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/suicide-prevention/index.shtml

The National Institute of Mental Health is the lead federal agency for research on mental disorders.  Firstly, they want to help people understand mental illness.  Secondly, the treatment of this illness.

3. Society for the Prevention of Teen Suicide (SPTS)

Website: http://www.sptsusa.org/

Teen suicide is a growing problem in America.  Consequently, SPTS is a nonprofit organization.

4. Action Alliance for Suicide Prevention

Website: http://actionallianceforsuicideprevention.org/resources

This is a public and private alliance of organizations.

5. American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP)

Website: https://afsp.org/find-support/resources/

The AFSP website has a long list of resources.  It also provides help to people who have lost loved ones to suicide.

6. Crisis Text Line

Website: https://www.crisistextline.org/  Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741-741

Teens are often more comfortable texting than talking on the telephone. They will help de-escalate individuals who are considering suicide.

7. HelpGuide

Website: https://www.helpguide.org/articles/suicide-prevention/suicide-prevention.htm

HelpGuide provides information on a wide variety of mental health issues.

8. Suicide Awareness Voices of Education (SAVE)

Website: https://save.org/  Crisis line: 1-800-273-8255

Founded by a mother who lost her daughter to suicide in 1979.  SAVE’s mission is to help prevent suicide.

9. The Trevor Project

Website: www.thetrevorproject.org/

The Trevor Project was founded in 1998.  These services help LGBTQ+ young people under 25.

10. For My Spanish-Speaking Visitors

Please click on the Las Disparidades Raciales en el Tratamiento de la Salud Mental: Investigación y Recursos.  Also, thank you to Sarah Martell at Web Advocates for the link and information.

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Circle of Hope Counseling Services, End the Stigma, Suicide Awareness and Prevention

September is National Suicide Prevention Awareness Month

Brandi C

September is National Suicide Prevention Awareness Month

September is National Suicide Prevention Awareness Month

Tough but Important

September is National Suicide Prevention Awareness Month.  Suicide…that word makes my heart jump in my throat and I have an immediate physical reaction.  People are so afraid to talk about this subject because they may be afraid it could “trigger” someone.  That is a valid fear!  Yet, fear is a liar!

My life has been touched by suicide so much.  There are many hospital beds I have sat next to.  Hands I have held.  Families I have cried with.  Prayers that I’ve prayed.  Funerals that I have attended.

Please know this is so difficult but so important to discuss.  Mental health problems should not be hidden.  The stigma should be ended and judgment of others should be thrown out the window.

If you have a story you want to share, please email me at barefootfaithjourney@gmail.com and I will be happy to anonymously (if you choose) use your story on my blog.

You are loved.  Worthy.  You are created in the image of Jesus.  Your story IS NOT finished.

Q: How common is suicide in children and teens?

A: The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reported that in 2014, suicide was the second leading cause of death for young people ages 10–24. Although these numbers may make suicide seem common, it is still a rare event. Suicidal thoughts or behaviors are more common than suicide deaths and are signs of extreme distress. Suicidal thoughts and behaviors are not harmless bids for attention and should not be ignored.

Q: What are some of the risk factors for suicide?

A: Risk factors vary with age, gender, or ethnic group and may change over time. Some factors that increase an individual’s risk for suicidal thoughts and behaviors are:

  • Depression, anxiety, and other mental disorders
  • Substance abuse disorder
  • Chronic pain
  • Prior suicide attempt
  • Family history of suicide
  • Family violence, including physical or sexual abuse
  • Firearms in the home
  • Having recently been released from jail or prison
  • Exposure to the suicidal behavior of others, such as family members or peers

It is important to note that many people who have these risk factors are not suicidal.

Q: What are the warning signs?

A: The following are some of the signs you might notice in yourself or a friend that may be the reason for concern:

  • Talking about wanting to die or wanting to kill oneself
  • Making a plan or looking for a way to kill oneself, such as searching online
  • Buying a gun, or stockpiling pills
  • Feeling empty, hopeless, or feeling like there is no reason to live
  • Feeling trapped or in unbearable pain
  • Talking about being a burden to others
  • Increasing the use of alcohol or drugs
  • Acting anxious or agitated; behaving recklessly
  • Sleeping too little or too much
  • Withdrawing from family or friends or feeling isolated
  • Showing rage or talking about seeking revenge
  • Displaying extreme mood swings
  • Saying goodbye to loved ones, putting affairs in order.

Seeking help is a sign of strength; if you are concerned, go with your instincts and seek professional help.

Reaching out to a friend you are concerned about is also a sign of strength.

What can I do for myself or someone else?

A: Immediate action is very important. Here are a few resources:

  • You can call or text 988 confidential help 24-hours-a-day. You also can visit the Lifeline’s website at 988 Lifeline
  • Veterans Crisis Line: 1-800-273-8255, press 1
  • Crisis Text Line: text START to 741-741
  • Help for Mental Illnesses: National Institute of Mental Health web page www.nimh.nih.gov/findhelp
  • Treatment Referral Routing Service: 1-800-662-HELP (4357), funded by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration

Q: What if someone seems suicidal on social media?

A: Many social media outlets, including Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, Tumblr, and Google+, have ways to report suicidal content and get help for the content creator. Each social media site has a different procedure, so search the site’s help page for assistance.

Q: What if I want to write a story about suicide?

A: Great idea! Here are suggestions for reporting on suicide: http://reportingonsuicide.org/.

Q: Where can I go for more information on suicide prevention?

A: You can:

Visit the National Library of Medicine’s MedlinePlus,
English: www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus
En Español: www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/spanish