Tag: Self Reflection

Circle of Hope Counseling Services, End the Stigma

See the Good in Yourself and Others

Brandi C

See the Good in Yourself and Others

Seeing the Good in Yourself and Others: A Path to Joy and Connection

In a world that often highlights flaws and mistakes, it’s easy to focus on what’s wrong rather than what’s right. But imagine how life would change if we made a conscious effort to see the good—in ourselves, in others, and in the world around us. Embracing this perspective fosters personal growth, strengthens relationships, and enhances well-being.

Recognizing the Good in Yourself

Self-reflection often leans toward self-criticism, but shifting our focus can make all the difference. Instead of dwelling on shortcomings, recognize your strengths, perseverance, and kindness.

Acknowledge small victories. Did you show up despite a rough morning? Did you offer a kind word? These moments matter. Speak to yourself with kindness and encouragement. When you believe in your worth, confidence and positivity naturally follow.

Seeing the Good in Others

Judging others by their worst moments is easy, but choosing to see their goodness requires grace. Everyone faces unseen struggles. By offering compassion instead of judgment, we create an environment where people feel valued.

Pause before reacting negatively. Assume the best, offer empathy, and acknowledge others’ positive qualities. A simple compliment or word of encouragement can inspire change and connection.

The Power of Positivity in Relationships

Focusing on the good in others transforms relationships. Friendships deepen, family bonds strengthen, and workplace interactions improve. Instead of dwelling on what someone didn’t do, celebrate what they did. Express gratitude, highlight strengths, and extend grace.

Steps to Cultivate a Positive Mindset

  1. Practice Gratitude – Appreciate the good in yourself and others daily.
  2. Reframe Negative Thoughts – Shift your focus when criticism arises.
  3. Encourage Others – Speak life into those around you.
  4. Forgive Freely – Let go of resentment to make room for kindness.
  5. Celebrate Small Wins – Progress, not perfection, is what matters.

A Brighter World Begins with You

By choosing to see the good, you become a source of encouragement and joy. Your perspective influences those around you, fostering kindness and appreciation. The world needs more people willing to lift each other up. Why not start with you?

💛 If you’re navigating life’s hard places and need a safe space to heal, grow, or just breathe—Circle of Hope Counseling Services is here for you.

We offer trauma-informed, faith-filled therapy for individuals, couples, and families.

📞 Reach out today to schedule your first session (KY residents only) or learn more: Circle of Hope Counseling Services.

You don’t have to walk this journey alone. Hope starts here.

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Circle of Hope Counseling Services, End the Stigma

Matching Your Emotions With Your Feelings

Brandi C

Matching Your Emotions With Your Feelings

Matching Your Emotions With Your Feelings

Understanding and expressing emotions correctly is an essential skill, but it can be challenging. Have you ever felt sad but expressed anger instead? Or been scared but appeared frustrated? Learning to match your emotions with your feelings—and making sure your facial expressions align—can take practice, but it’s an important step in emotional intelligence.

The Difference Between Emotions and Feelings

Emotions are automatic, physiological responses to situations—like fear, sadness, or joy. Feelings, on the other hand, are the interpretations of those emotions based on our thoughts and experiences. While emotions happen in the body, feelings happen in the mind.

For example, if someone disappoints you, your initial emotional response might be sadness. However, if you don’t process that sadness, it might manifest as frustration or anger. This disconnect between your internal emotions and external expressions can cause confusion for both yourself and those around you.

Why Do We Mask Emotions?

Anger is often referred to as a secondary emotion because it usually stems from underlying feelings of fear, sadness, or hurt. If a person feels threatened, powerless, or vulnerable, their instinctive reaction might be to express anger instead of fear. Similarly, deep sadness might come across as irritability or withdrawal.

This masking happens for several reasons:

  • Social conditioning: We are often taught to hide vulnerability and “toughen up.”
  • Self-protection: Expressing anger can feel safer than showing fear or sadness.
  • Lack of awareness: Many people struggle to identify and process their emotions correctly.

The Role of Facial Expressions

Our facial expressions can sometimes betray our true emotions. Someone who is feeling heartbroken might unintentionally appear indifferent or even irritated. This misalignment can lead to misunderstandings, miscommunication, and even strained relationships.

To develop emotional awareness, try these steps:

  1. Pause and identify your emotions. Ask yourself, “What am I truly feeling right now?”
  2. Acknowledge the root cause. Are you feeling angry because you are actually scared or hurt?
  3. Practice mindfulness and self-reflection. Journaling or talking to a trusted person can help you uncover underlying emotions.
  4. Be intentional with facial expressions. If you’re feeling sad, allow your face to reflect that rather than masking it with frustration.
  5. Communicate openly. Let others know how you feel to prevent misunderstandings.

Final Thoughts

Matching your emotions with your feelings is a journey that requires self-awareness and practice. By taking the time to understand what you’re truly feeling and expressing it appropriately, you can foster better relationships, improve communication, and develop a healthier emotional life. Next time you feel anger bubbling up, take a step back and ask yourself—what’s really going on underneath?

💛 If you’re navigating life’s hard places and need a safe space to heal, grow, or just breathe—Circle of Hope Counseling Services is here for you.

We offer trauma-informed, faith-filled therapy for individuals, couples, and families.

📞 Reach out today to schedule your first session (KY residents only) or learn more: Circle of Hope Counseling Services.

You don’t have to walk this journey alone. Hope starts here.

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Tips on Building Self-Confidence

Brandi C

Tips on Building Self-Confidence

5 Tips on Building Self-Confidence

Confidence isn’t something you’re born with; it’s something you build. Whether you’re struggling with self-doubt or just need a little boost, here are five simple but powerful ways to grow your self-confidence. Here are Tips on Building Self-Confidence.

1. Look at What You Have Already Achieved

Sometimes, we get so caught up in what we haven’t done that we forget to acknowledge what we have accomplished. Take a moment to reflect on your successes, big or small. Did you finish a challenging project? Overcome a difficult time in your life? Learn a new skill? Reminding yourself of these achievements can help reinforce your belief in your abilities.

2. Set Some Goals

Confidence grows when we have a sense of purpose and direction. Set realistic and achievable goals that push you just outside your comfort zone. Start with small steps—maybe it’s committing to a daily workout, reading a new book, or speaking up in a meeting. As you accomplish these goals, your confidence will naturally increase.

3. Get a Hobby

Doing something you enjoy not only brings happiness but also helps build confidence. Whether it’s painting, playing an instrument, gardening, or even trying a new sport, hobbies provide an opportunity to master new skills and take pride in what you create. Plus, they serve as a great outlet for stress!

4. Talk Yourself Up

Negative self-talk is one of the biggest confidence killers. Instead of focusing on your flaws, practice positive affirmations. Speak to yourself like you would a friend—kindly and encouragingly. Try saying things like, “I am capable,” “I am strong,” or “I can handle this.” Over time, this shift in mindset will help improve how you see yourself.

5. Think of Things You Are Good At

We all have strengths! Maybe you’re a great listener, an excellent cook, or a natural leader. Make a list of things you’re good at and remind yourself of them often. Lean into these strengths and use them as a foundation for building even more confidence.

Building self-confidence is a journey, not a destination. It takes time, effort, and a lot of self-love. Start small, be patient with yourself, and remember—you are already capable of more than you realize! Keep believing in yourself, and your confidence will continue to grow.

💛 If you’re navigating life’s hard places and need a safe space to heal, grow, or just breathe—Circle of Hope Counseling Services is here for you.

We offer trauma-informed, faith-filled therapy for individuals, couples, and families.

📞 Reach out today to schedule your first session (KY residents only) or learn more: Circle of Hope Counseling Services.

You don’t have to walk this journey alone. Hope starts here.

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Circle of Hope Counseling Services, End the Stigma

Not All Scars Can Be Seen

Brandi C

circle of hope counseling services (2)

Not All Scars Can Be Seen

Not All Scars Can Be Seen

Scars tell stories. Some are visible, etched into our skin as reminders of battles fought and wounds healed. Others, though, remain hidden as they carve deep into our hearts and minds, shaping us in ways the world cannot see but are just as real.

The Weight of Invisible Wounds

Emotional and psychological scars often go unnoticed. There’s no cast for a broken spirit, no stitches for a wounded heart. Trauma, grief, anxiety, and depression—these struggles don’t always show on the outside, but they shape us just the same.

The hardest part? Others may not understand. It’s easy to offer sympathy for a physical injury. However, invisible scars often come with judgment, doubt, or well-meaning but dismissive comments like “Just move on” or “It’s all in your head.” But pain doesn’t have to be visible to be valid.

Healing Takes Time

Just like physical wounds, emotional scars need time to heal. Healing doesn’t follow a straight path; instead, it moves through ups and downs. Some days, you feel strong, and on other days, the past creeps back in. That’s okay. True healing isn’t about forgetting what hurt you—it’s about learning to live beyond the pain and finding ways to move forward.

How to Care for the Unseen Wounds

✔ Acknowledge Your Pain – Your feelings are real and deserve space. Recognizing and accepting them is the first step toward healing. ✔ Speak Your Truth – Whether through therapy, journaling, or talking to a trusted friend, expressing your emotions can be powerful and cathartic. ✔ Set Boundaries – Protect your peace. It’s okay to walk away from toxic environments and relationships that no longer serve you. ✔ Practice Self-Compassion – You are not your trauma. Therefore, be gentle with yourself and give yourself the grace to heal. ✔ Seek Support – You don’t have to carry this alone. There is strength in reaching out, and there are people who want to help.

You Are Not Alone

If you carry invisible scars, know this: You are seen. You are valued. Your pain matters. Healing is possible, and you are worthy of it.

Scars, visible or not, are proof of survival. And you? You are still here. You are still fighting and you are still standing. That is strength, resilience, and that is something to be proud of.

💛 If you’re navigating life’s hard places and need a safe space to heal, grow, or just breathe—Circle of Hope Counseling Services is here for you.

We offer trauma-informed, faith-filled therapy for individuals, couples, and families.

📞 Reach out today to schedule your first session (KY residents only) or learn more: Circle of Hope Counseling Services.

You don’t have to walk this journey alone. Hope starts here.

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What Do You Want To Do?

Brandi C

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What Do You Want To Do?

This is a question that I would pose to my ladies when I worked as the inpatient residential therapist, “What do you want to do when you grow up?”. They would come to our facility, at their lowest of lows, broken with little hope. My job was to give them the hard core facts but to lace it with beauty and hope.

When I asked this question (with ladies between the ages of 18 and 70), they would just look at me with wide eyes. For a moment, there was a world that they could become anything they wanted to be. Some ladies wanted to be moms, others wanted to work in the field of addiction, some wanted to be therapists, nurses, work in retail, the answers varied from person to person.

Facts

Here is a fact that most people don’t like. Every single person is one bad decision away from complete devastation in their lives. Everyone. The ladies I worked with, they made that decision and their lives were turned upside down and inside out. Here is the beauty. There is ALWAYS hope. Tomorrow is fresh and new. Each person can take the brokenness of life and create something beautiful out of it.

What are the pieces of your life that are broken? Is there something, out of that brokenness, that you can create and make something beautiful out of it? If you see a pitcher…like to hold water. The job of that pitcher is to hold liquid for drinks, possible put flowers in it but it has a purpose, right?

What happens when there is a crack in that pitcher or if the handle broke off of it or even if someone dropped it and it shattered all over the floor. Typically, one would sweep up the shards of glass and throw it away. What if…just what if, you took the shards and brokenness and did something besides throw it away.

What if you took a canvas, slathered it with glue and created a beautiful mosaic with those broken pieces and you hung up that creation in your house. That pitcher will no longer hold water but the beauty of the sun shining on the different colors of glass will be stunning. You took what was broken and created beauty out of it.

💛 If you’re navigating life’s hard places and need a safe space to heal, grow, or just breathe—Circle of Hope Counseling Services is here for you.

We offer trauma-informed, faith-filled therapy for individuals, couples, and families.

📞 Reach out today to schedule your first session (KY residents only) or learn more: Circle of Hope Counseling Services.

You don’t have to walk this journey alone. Hope starts here.

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Circle of Hope Counseling Services

Just a Funny for the Day

Brandi C

Just a Funny for the Day

Just a Funny for the Day

Here is just a funny for the day. I look at this picture and when I am in session, as the therapist, I can very much separate all the parts and create individual balls of yarn for my client. However, when it is time for me to be the client, the roles are reversed because I cannot unwind my own balls of yarn. Weird how that happens but thankful for my, personal, therapist!

On a side note: Happiest of birthdays to my favorite daughter-in-law, Margaret! Much love to you, sweet girl.

💛 If you’re navigating life’s hard places and need a safe space to heal, grow, or just breathe—Circle of Hope Counseling Services is here for you.

We offer trauma-informed, faith-filled therapy for individuals, couples, and families.

📞 Reach out today to schedule your first session (KY residents only) or learn more: Circle of Hope Counseling Services.

You don’t have to walk this journey alone. Hope starts here.

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Circle of Hope Counseling Services, Faith Journey

Be Kind

Brandi C

Be Kind

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I just love this quote. It costs absolutely nothing to be kind to someone. A professor once made a statement that was so profound that it stayed with me. This was said over 10 years ago. She said “Sometimes in life, you will be the only Jesus with skin on a person may see.” I have not always lived that phrase out and sometimes my face certainly doesn’t live it out but I do try. I find it easier with strangers because I don’t have emotional ties/connections or a history with a stranger.

Usually, I can strike up a conversation, smile at someone, buy the person behind me in the drive-thru their food, etc. with no problems at all. People (friends, family, and strangers) are quick to judge others by their appearance, a misread text, the look on their face, or what they are wearing. Before you judge another, stop and think. You may have entered that person’s bubble on one of the worst moments of their lives.

They are full of emotion inside but evoking a mean look or a disheveled appearance on the outside. Instead of lashing out, silently pray for them or smile…small gestures can go very far in a hurting soul. Matthew 7:1 “Do not judge others, and you will not be judged.”

💛 If you’re navigating life’s hard places and need a safe space to heal, grow, or just breathe—Circle of Hope Counseling Services is here for you.

We offer trauma-informed, faith-filled therapy for individuals, couples, and families.

📞 Reach out today to schedule your first session (KY residents only) or learn more: Circle of Hope Counseling Services.

You don’t have to walk this journey alone. Hope starts here.

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End the Stigma, Faith Journey, Suicide Awareness and Prevention

When the Silence is Deafening

Brandi C

When the Silence is Deafening

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When silence becomes deafening, emotions can shift from moment to moment. Some days, it feels like they change by the minute. Lately, the silence has been so loud that I can’t hear myself think. It’s like when my aunt can’t smell anything because the noise around her is too overwhelming—strange, isn’t it? Even as I write this, I’m reflecting on how I got here.

On Juneteenth, my friend took her last breath here on earth. In July, my sweet granny passed away. Then, one year to the date after my granny’s death, my father-in-law died. My Lady’s birthday falls in July, but her death anniversary is on October 1st. A friend celebrated her birthday on October 6th, but she passed away on October 15th a few years ago. Although these deaths happened years ago, they feel like they just occurred yesterday.

In a crisis, I tend to be focused—quiet, but focused. I do what needs to be done, helping where I can. But it’s during the stillness of the night, when I’m not juggling multiple tasks, that everything shifts. It’s when I allow myself to be still that the grief and pain I’ve buried deep inside begin to surface.

I don’t like the silence.

It’s in that silence when I realize how much hurt and grief I’ve been holding in. My greatest fear is that if I stop, if I let myself feel, I’ll start crying and never stop. It’s difficult for me to reach out and be vulnerable, to cry in front of someone. I fear judgment, explaining myself, or making the pain I’ve held in feel too real once I speak it aloud.

Not long ago, I reached out to a friend. It felt strange. I had been alone that night, crying for hours. Then, I stopped and dialed her number. She’s the one person who rarely answers because she’s a busy mom with her own life, so I assumed she wouldn’t answer.

She answered.

No words came out of my mouth. All I did was cry. She listened and she didn’t ask questions or offer “it’ll be okay” statements. Honestly, she just listened to me cry. Afterward, I managed to say the many things that had been plaguing my heart. I didn’t want her to fix anything; I knew she couldn’t. All I needed was for her to listen and love me, without any judgment or unsolicited advice.

October 1st was another difficult day. I made it to work for about two hours before I couldn’t go any further. I left, called my mom, and pretended everything was fine, but she knew. She always knows. I kept the conversation together and then came home and slept.

Off to the Hills

I spent the rest of the day crying off and on, then called my mom again, asking if I could come over. She was busy but said she’d be home soon and I could come over then. I got in the car, feeling like I couldn’t breathe or hold it together. I told my husband I was leaving, not knowing when or if I’d be back that night.

It was a beautiful evening, so I rolled the windows down and drove. In the past, when we lived in our old house, I would go on drives like this to clear my head. There was no pressure to be a wife or a mom. I’d drive for hours, seeing new places, exploring new roads. Sometimes, a kid would join me, and we’d go on adventures. Once, I ended up in Dukedom, TN.

Visiting Granny

On that particular night, I drove on unfamiliar roads and ended up near Lovelaceville—close to my granny’s house. I took the “old way” and passed by the new houses. The familiar music stirred my emotions, and I cried even harder. Memories flooded back of driving down that road with her. My mind was a mess, and my body couldn’t hold back the tears.

I ended up at the cemetery where my granny, grandfather, uncle, aunt, and cousin are buried. I hadn’t been there in a long time. My heart longed for her presence—the wisdom she offered, the laughter she shared, the way she could solve my problems with a game of Scrabble, some juicy fruit gum, and a surprise bowl of ice cream.

Cortisol Break

I’m in the middle of a “cortisol break” as I sit here, tears dripping down my face. It’s a moment where the weight of everything comes rushing in, and I need time to collect myself.

I’ve been working through this for days, writing down my feelings. Right now, I’m listening to Made for More while holding onto the baby blanket my granny made for me. It’s my comfort—a kind of emotional support quilt. It’s full of holes, tears, and stains, but it’s mine. It makes me feel loved. It’s incredible how an object can do that.

Deafening Silence

The silence is the hardest part for me. It’s when the noise fades that the unresolved grief starts to surface. When my granny passed, I had just gained custody of two kids, only to lose her and them shortly after. When my father-in-law died, we hadn’t spoken for six months due to a misunderstanding. After LA passed, I couldn’t go to her funeral because my son needed chemotherapy. When my Lady died, my son was struggling with OMS, and my dad had a stroke, so I couldn’t process her death. And when Donna passed, that night was filled with pain in more ways than one.

There’s so much I’ve never processed, and the recent losses only add to it. If I could just trust in God’s faithfulness, maybe this pain wouldn’t feel so overwhelming. I know His word is true, and I do believe in it. But in my life, I struggle to see hope. I feel trapped, like I’m walking through mud. It’s hard to see a way out. If I don’t allow myself to feel, to sit in the silence and process, I don’t know what will happen. Maybe I’ll implode.

“Made For More”
(feat. Jenn Johnson)

I know who I am ’cause I know who You are.
The cross of salvation was only the start.
Now I am chosen, free and forgiven.
I have a future and it’s worth the living’.
Cause I wasn’t made to be tending a grave.
I was called by name.
Born and raised back to life again.
I was made for more.
So why would I make a bed in my shame.
When a fountain of grace is running my way.
I know I am Yours
And I was made for more.

Oh hallelujah.
You called out my name.
So I’ll sing out Your praise.
Hallelujah.
You buried my past
And I’m not going back.

 

💛 If you’re navigating life’s hard places and need a safe space to heal, grow, or just breathe—Circle of Hope Counseling Services is here for you.

We offer trauma-informed, faith-filled therapy for individuals, couples, and families.

📞 Reach out today to schedule your first session (KY residents only) or learn more: Circle of Hope Counseling Services.

You don’t have to walk this journey alone. Hope starts here.

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Faith Journey, Quotes

Let Them by Cassie Phillips

Brandi C

Let Them by Cassie Phillips

Let Them by Cassie Phillips

 

Cassie Phillips poem, “Let Them” is a poem I read on social media. I first read it during a chaotic season in my life. Let’s be real—most days feel chaotic. I had just realized that some “friends” weren’t truly friends and that people can’t always be trusted. I already struggled with trust, but this became the last straw. People judge quickly without knowing all the details.

The truth is, unless someone shares your bed or eats every meal at your table, they don’t need to know the details. Frankly, it’s none of their business. I choose to make it their business, and by doing so, things get misunderstood.

Just Let Them

If they want to choose something over you, LET THEM.

If they want to go weeks without talking to you, LET THEM.

If they are okay with never seeing you, LET THEM.

If they are okay with always putting themselves first, LET THEM.

If they are showing you who they are and not what you perceived them to be, LET THEM.

If they want to follow the crowd, LET THEM.

If they want to judge or misunderstand you, LET THEM.

If they act like they can live without you, LET THEM.

If they want to walk out of  your life and leave, hold the door open, AND LET THEM.

Let them lose you. You were never theirs, because you were always your own.

So let them.

Let them show you who they truly are, not tell you.

Let them prove how worthy they are of your time.

Let them earn your forgiveness.

Let them call you to talk about ordinary things.

Let them take you out on a Thursday.

Let them talk about anything and everything just because it’s you they are talking to.

Let them have a safe place in you.

Let them see the heart in you that didn’t harden.

Let them love you.

Author: Cassie Phillips

Thoughts

Geez, this strikes me on so many levels. It may not impact everyone the same way, and that’s okay. It reminds me of Welcome to Holland by Emily Perl Kingsley. So much has happened over the last several years. Some have revealed their true colors, while others have stepped up with unwavering love and support. I pulled back, reflecting inward to see where I need to make changes. Slowly, I’m finding my way back to the surface, letting the Light shine on my face.

Remember, you can’t control the actions or thoughts of others. The only thing you can control is your reaction. Anxiety comes from fearing the future and the lack of control over it. Depression lingers in the sadness of what you can’t change from the past. Live in the present—moment by moment. Breathe in, breathe out. Your goal is to change the life of one person. What if that one person is you?

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Circle of Hope Counseling Services, End the Stigma, Guest Blogger, Suicide Awareness and Prevention

I Wonder What I Will Be Like

Brandi C

 

I Wonder What I Will Be Like

I Wonder What I Will Be Like

I wonder what kind of mom I will be

{I} get anxious thinking about it

I wanted this for so long

But now that it is here, I am scared

 

Love and Fear

I love you more than life itself

But you scare me 

I don’t want to blink and you will be gone

The thought of losing you is unbearable

And you aren’t even here yet

 

My Desire

I want to be a good mom

But I know I will make mistakes

I want to admit to you when I make a mistake

So you know that it’s ok to make mistakes

As long as we learn from them

 

What I See

I see so many families

Hurting, every day

Because of poor choices, the parents made

I can’t be that kind of mom

You don’t deserve that

 

What You Deserve

{You} deserve everything

You deserve the world

I want to preserve your innocence

Shield you from this world

 

Will I?

I wonder if I will be good enough

That is the theme of my life

It has always been there

It always will be

 

Love

I love you more than life itself

But I wonder if I will be a good mom

You deserve a good mom

I want to be that for you

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Circle of Hope Counseling Services, End the Stigma, Guest Blogger, Suicide Awareness and Prevention

The Reality of my Nightmare

Brandi C

The Reality of my Nightmare

In The Reality of my Nightmare, my guest blogger writes about her interpretation of the trials that surrounded her. She writes it as if she were me. I read it the morning of my friend’s funeral. She is pretty spot on in all that she said.

The Reality of my Nightmare

Writing this seems like a nightmare

I am waiting to wake up from this nightmare because of how real it feels. But when I open my eyes, it will all go away. No. This nightmare is real. I can’t believe this is happening to me. Why? Why me? What did I do wrong to cause these people to knock on my door? Who has been watching me and observing my every movement? 

I am afraid

Afraid to raise my voice even the slightest bit because someone might be watching. Also, I am scared to take my child to the other room for fear that someone might think I will punish them. Afraid to go out in public with my child for fear that someone will judge me the wrong way and call them again. Why me? 

Raising Kids

Raising kids is hard, especially 7 of them. They are all so different in so many ways. Yet, I would not change a single hair on their head because I love them so much. I love my kids with every fiber of my being. I would gladly take any strife or burdens off their shoulders. I will put them on my own if it helps them and their future. 

My kids are special.

Some have mentally challenging issues. Then, others have some physical problems that need my constant attention. Being a mom is hard. It is tiring even. Yet, I am glad God chose these beautiful children to be mine. 

I love fiercely and will do anything in my power to protect them from the world and its temptations. Sometimes, I help others before I think about myself and my needs. I have run ragged, going in different directions to help those in need as God calls me to do. Honestly, I try to open myself up to other moms in various clubs and organizations my kids participate. I try to help them and converse with them when they need a friend or a shoulder to cry on. 

But You

You took care of my child when he played sports on your team. He became best friends with your kids. I thought you loved him like one of your own. He stayed at your house and slept over so many nights. Every time, he had a blast when he came home beaming from ear to ear. He would tell me all about how fun it is at your house. 

Invitation then Betrayal

I invited you into my home, which we manage to keep clean amongst the chaos of having multiple children and animals in the house. And yet, you betrayed my trust by calling them. Why? Why me? 

You know my child is well-fed. We give him clothes and things to toys. Furthermore, we keep him involved in sports. Importantly, we teach him the love of Jesus in everything we do. We fight for him daily because he is different. And that’s okay because I love him so much.

How Would You Feel

You are a mother with kids of your own. How would you feel if someone called them? They showed up at your doorstep asking to be invited in. Then ask you probing questions about your home and relationships with your kids? And what if you found out that it was a supposed “friend” who called them on you. 

How would you feel? 

Betrayed? 

Confused? 

I should hope so. 

That is how I felt. 

Terrifying Agony

The terrifying agony that my kids could be ripped away from me with no warning. Sadly, the wailing and uncontrollable sobbing happened in my car when I got the call. My heart can’t take it anymore. I am so tired of having to justify myself to these people. Justify every action that I do and every word that comes out of my mouth. 

How would you feel? 

Would you demand an explanation from your “friend” and say some nasty things to them in retaliation? Would you constantly look over your shoulder to make sure no one was watching you if you ever had to punish your child in public? Or are you one of those parents letting their children run amuck and do whatever they want? 

Either way, I want you to know that it is understandable if you did not know the family or had never been in their home and seen how the family operates. It would be understandable if you didn’t know my son or me. 

But you did know us. 

I was at every game. I talked to you all the time. And yet, you still called. I could trust you. You have betrayed my trust. But I choose to let God be in control of my situation. I prefer to let God judge your actions when you get to Heaven instead of judging you, which I am not called to do. 

Honestly, I choose to love like Jesus with skin on and be the city on a hill for you. I prefer to let God listen to my sorrowful prayers and collect my tears in a jar. Furthermore, I choose to let God pick me up and comfort me because he knows I am the mom He called me to be. I am not perfect. But God does not call us to be perfect. He calls us to be his disciples and to love our neighbor in his word. 

My house may be messy sometimes, and my kids may drive me crazy most days, but in what reality is home always tidy and the kids always clean and well-behaved? I would love to meet those people and that family. 

Haven’t you ever made a mistake as a parent? 

Because if you say no, that is a bold-faced lie. We fail daily at things. The key is learning from those mistakes, moving on, and leaving the past behind us. Those failures are also successes. I have put several of my kids through a full education (and I have homeschooled them for many years as well). Two of them graduated with honors, which is a huge accomplishment.

Mama Pride

One of my kids is married with a baby on the way. I could not be happier for my sweet child. My smallest child is excelling at what doctors told us would be impossible. Yet, with me by his side, he has survived those odds. 

The moments of pride I feel for the children I raised surpass the moments of sadness I think when things like this happen. I choose to find the beauty in the ashes. I will stand tall and not be shaken by people’s opinions of my family and me.

My Choices

So I will also choose to continue to stand by my children and attend every activity, club, and sporting event they are in. And if you other moms judge me or whisper tall tales about me that are not even true, I will smile and turn the other cheek as God has called me to, even if it is the hardest thing I have ever done.

Cruelty of Others

People can be so cruel nowadays, and they always look at the plank in someone else’s eye rather than focusing on the speck of dirt in their eye. Words can slice through a person and bring them down when we should be standing together as moms and supporting one another rather than bringing them down and jumping to conclusions by calling the organization before they have the facts straight. 

No, we moms are not perfect. But we are doing the best we can with the circumstances we are currently in and the children with whom the Lord has blessed us. I will continue to be the city on a hill and shine my light bright for my kids and you. 

And I know deep down in my heart that God will be pleased with my strength and integrity, and when I get to Heaven, He will say, “Well done, my good and faithful servant.” I can not wait for that day to come. 

In the meantime

I will continue to be the most fantastic mom to my kids and a faithful spouse to my husband. I am showing them the light of God. Continuing to shield them from the world will be a lifelong journey, but I would not change one thing about it, not for you or any other mom who says a spiteful word towards me. 

I will pray for you even though it is painful. Because in my darkest moments, I cling to Jesus the most, and when my faith is tested, I come out stronger than ever because my Redeemer is with me. No more hiding. No more fear. I will not be afraid. 

 

Circle of Hope Counseling Services, End the Stigma, Guest Blogger, Suicide Awareness and Prevention

I Am Who I Am

Brandi C

I Am Who I Am

I Am Who I Am

Being who I am that I do not have many friends. It is hard for me to open up to other people because of how often I have been used. Also, for being backstabbed by these so-called “friends.” My circle of friends is tiny due to this issue I have had in the past. 

I have maybe four close friends who care about me and my well-being. I would do anything for them. Honestly, I am loyal to the end. I find it hard to let go, especially when potential long-lasting friendships end. I also tend to take on my friends’ problems. Sadly, I claim that I am the cause of their issues. I will just as quickly take the blame for everything rather than have them take responsibility. 

This One “Friend”

This one “friend” is currently my co-worker and, unfortunately, my neighbor. The first night shift we worked together, we instantly clicked. We became comfortable with each other, which is incredibly rare for me. As the days went on, we constantly texted about work and life. We would hang out at my place and watch movies on our days off. His friends and family became comfortable with me as we continued to hang out. Working together was a blast since we got along, and the kids enjoyed it when we both worked on the same day.

Tragic Event

He was always there for me when I needed him. There was a massive party at the apartment where I used to live. There were easily at least 200+ party-goers. Having a party, this size goes against the contract of the apartment complex. Unfortunately, the party got out of hand. There was a tragic event that turned the party into a nightmare. 

My anxiety was at an all-time high, and I needed to get out of there. My friend came to rescue me as quickly as he could. He was so understanding and was there to help distract me from this event. My friend insisted that I did not return to my apartment until things calmed down and the police finished their investigations.

Maude, My Orphan Kitty

My friend also supported me when my little orphan kitten died that I was trying to bottle feed after her mom rejected her. I stayed up late at night and took that little kitten with me literally everywhere, we eventually had a routine, and I was so proud of how she was progressing. I do not do well when animals die, especially if I am the one dedicated to their health and well-being. The baby passed away, and I was heartbroken. My friend was with me, and he took the kitten and buried her for me since I could not do it myself. 

I Told Him Everything

We did not have secrets, and we knew each other pretty well. My ‘friend’ was concerned for my mental health and physical health since the job profession we work in is extremely taxing for someone with mental health issues. I was grateful to have someone to talk to who has some of the same problems that I struggle with daily. This person was the true definition of an absolute best friend, or so I thought. 

We did not date even though he admitted having feelings for me that I could not reciprocate for personal reasons. But we remained best friends for a long time, that is, until his current girlfriend came back into his life. They had dated once in the past. I was supportive. I still wanted to hang out with him, and I also wanted to get to know his girlfriend because I was trying to be supportive of their relationship. 

All of a Sudden

He stopped talking to me, and he did not use text or call me at all. I had no clue what I did wrong to make him not talk to me because we spent almost every day together. Things just got worse from that point. I tried to talk to him, but he refused to acknowledge my existence and futile attempts to get him to speak to me. 

I admitted to him that I was jealous that he spent every day with his new girlfriend and that she moved in with him only two weeks after their dating. Not jealous in the love sort of way but jealous that my best friend put all of his attention on just his girlfriend and nobody else. 

Then One Night

One night I was walking my dog, and he was outside on his back patio with his sister and girlfriend. I did not say a single word to him. He shouted from his yard that he needed to say something to me and let me have it. He told me never to talk to his friends or family again and that if I had something to say, I should say it to his face. 

Instantly I got defensive and shouted back an obscene comment while rushing back to my apartment. Granted, I should have handled that situation with better decorum, but I was unprepared for that verbal attack. This ‘friend’ would text me nasty things, and his girlfriend even got in on the action and told me to stop talking to her boyfriend or things would get worse for me. I did not know how to handle this situation, so I ignored him. 

My Depression and Anxiety

My depression was through the roof, and my anxiety about the whole scenario kept my mind running in 20 different directions. My ‘friend’ drunk-dialed me one night, and I just broke down and told him everything I felt and how betrayed I felt about the whole situation. He blamed me for his drinking and dipping problem, and he said that I was the one that caused drama between him and his friends and family. Being the person I am, I claimed his problems as my own. I honestly believed that our entire friendship had been some one-way street and that I had caused all his problems. 

Eventually

After we were mature and decided to end our silly feud when we would work together, he started talking to me more, and we fell back into our usual best friend ways. He said that his girlfriend did not like me, and she did not like the fact that we would hang out all the time and text each other constantly. I told him that if she was threatened by me trying to “break up their relationship,” I could never do that to someone. I’m not that kind of person. And I reiterated that I will still support and care about him because he played a part in my life whether I wanted it to happen or not.

I Missed my Best Friend

I told him I missed my best friend, and I honestly did. I missed the days we would hang out together, be goofy, and have fun with our two dogs. The thing is, is that I hold onto the people that come into my life. I try to make any situation better by offering to help however I can at the time. My friend kept in contact with me, but we never actually hung out except when we worked together at the boy’s house. He fell into a bad depressive state, and I tried my best to be there for him since I know how rough it can be when you get in that depressive state. 

One Random Night

His girlfriend added me on Snapchat and sent me a message. I dreaded opening it because I hated confrontation. We talked for a long time, and we were okay. I explained that I did not have feelings for him other than feelings of being a best friend and that I was not trying to break up their relationship. I called my friend and told him what she said and how everything was good between us again. Everything was fine for the next two weeks. 

Enter My Mom

One day my mom came over to visit me, and she wanted to introduce herself to my boys and my friend since I had already told her about him. All she did was shake his hand and introduce herself. Two days later, I got the most hateful message from him early in the morning. He accused my mom and me of trying to start drama and said she came to his house unannounced. I was confused and hurt by all the hateful things sent to me.

Horribly Bullying

He called me a crazy psycho manipulative bitch and that he never wanted to see my face ever again. We were NEVER friends, the exact words that were texted to me. That was along with some other things I will not mention. I was at work at the time, so I had to excuse myself to go to the bathroom to cry and then compose myself the best I could. My hands were shaking, and I could feel my blood pressure rising with each nasty message. I was confused, hurt, and betrayed, and I seriously started believing everything he was saying to me.

Is This a Joke?

I honestly thought at first that it was a joke. That wasn’t him because my best friend would never say things like that to me. I profusely apologized even though I did nothing wrong, but he did not believe me. He said that I was not innocent and that I thought that I had never done anything wrong. I allowed myself to be sad for a little while. Then I had to get over it and finish out my shift so I could go home. Why? 

Seriously, Why me? 

Why do I always get into situations with people betraying me and my trust? I love fiercely, and I am loyal to the end. I would never do anything to hurt my friend. But he hurt me. He hurt me so badly that I felt like my chest would rip open. I was miserable for the next week or two. His friends would always come at me and send me nasty messages. I just took it all on my shoulders like I usually do. 

I need to stop doing things like that.

And that doesn’t make me a bad person. I am allowed to have feelings. To be sad and mourn my best friend, who I somehow alienated in my life. After I attended a church sermon one day, my pastor said something that resonated with me. It probed me to remember how badly he hurt me. He said that even though someone might have done us wrong, we must forgive. Also, pray that God will bless their lives abundantly. 

I started to cry thinking about all my past friendships that crashed and burned for whatever reason it was at the time. Then, I sent every single one of my so-called “friends” a message. It was a ‘to the point’ message which said exactly what I wanted to say. I did this in a kind and Christ-Like manner. I do not know if any of my friends even read that message. At least I sent it to them and forgave them.

Message to my “Friend”

I still see my neighbor around, and I also see him at work. Today, I will choose kindness. Also, I will choose to love still (as a friend). Furthermore, I will care about him even though it is hard. I will decide to make friends if God brings them into my life. Also, I will still love and be loyal to them no matter what comes my way. 

And to my friend, even though he says we are not friends, I hope you have a fruitful life. That you and your girlfriend are happy together is all I ever wanted for you. I want you to be happy and successful. Even if that means our friendship is at an end. That’s okay. I will be okay. Because my heart belongs to God, and I believe in his everlasting love for me.

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I Should Have Known

Brandi C

 

I Should Have Known

I Should Have Known

I should have known something wasn’t right

When you told me you loved me for the first time

And I didn’t say it back

 

I should have known something was up.

When I couldn’t stand the fact that you wrote me love letters

Or when you posted love stuff on social media

I mean, I didn’t even “like” the post

 

Not My Type

 

I should have realized much sooner

That you weren’t my type

way before I let it go as far as I did

You were not the problem; it was me

 

I was the one starting things trying to get you to leave first.

And I didn’t know why then, but I do now

I just wasn’t into the whole thing

 

I wasn’t into the wedding

Also, I wasn’t into fooling around

and I definitely wasn’t into having sex

 

What I Wanted

 

I just wanted to feel loved and wanted

You seemed to care and want me

So I tried to play along

 

I tried to compromise all of my feelings

To fulfill your needs

Give you what you wanted.

To support you in any and all ways that I could

 

Reality

 

But in reality, all I was doing was lying to myself

Lying to you

And lying to my family

 

Lying about why I felt that way

And lying about what I truly wanted

lying about my life

 

Hiding

 

All I wanted was to feel loved and accepted

that is why I didn’t end it sooner

that is why I didn’t confess that I didn’t truly have feelings

at least not romantic feelings.

 

I did it because I wanted to cover up what I already knew

And that I wasn’t ready, to tell the truth,

Which is I like girls

And there is nothing I can do to make people accept, so I hide

And think over the fact that I am different than the rest.

 

The Trevor Project

Circle of Hope Counseling Services, End the Stigma, Guest Blogger, Suicide Awareness and Prevention

Depression is Gray and Black

Brandi C

Depression is Gray and Black

 

Depression is Gray and Black

 

Depression 

Is a dark and twisty place

It’s when your inner thoughts are gray and black

There is no light 

There is no white 

Just gray or black

The gray is sad but bearable thoughts

This is where you look back at what’s wrong

 grieving the way you handled it

Want to do something to change it but can’t

These thoughts I think are easier to voice 

To seek help.  Ask someone to hold you accountable

To try and continue your life 

Which is Worse?

The black well that is the worse 

The dark and the bleak 

These thoughts are much more dangerous

These are the thoughts that keep you imprisoned in your mind

Keep you in bed for days 

Give you the feelings of why even try?

These thoughts are almost impossible to voice 

The darker the thought the harder it gets to talk to people 

The harder it gets to seek help 

And the harder it is to continue anything in life

The In-Between

Somewhere between the gray and black, there is a turning point

From being sad to wanting to crawl under a rock and die

I’m not sure where the begins

I just know that’s where it ends.

But surely there is a way to continue life looking towards something 

Instead of looking back at the past 

If you can get there that’s when you can see a light

It starts off small almost like a dot

Finding the Dot

For me trying to find that dot is the hardest part 

Trying to find something worth looking for the dot.

But once I find it I plan on holding on to it.

Because the dot will eventually grow 

It will become the light that I seek. 

I just have to hold on a little longer. 

And keep looking ahead.

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Circle of Hope Counseling Services, End the Stigma, Guest Blogger, Suicide Awareness and Prevention

Hurt People Hurt People

Brandi C

Hurt People Hurt People

Hurt People Hurt People

A phrase my mom has always said is Hurt People Hurt People. That is an accurate phrase. I always thought that I was your favorite person. You would make time to come down and see me. You brought me books and movies. We would go to the movies and have the best time ever. It meant everything to me that we had a good relationship. But all that changed, now you can barely say two words to me. Now you won’t even make eye contact with me most of the time. And to be honest, it is hard for me to talk to you because I don’t know what to say. 

 

Life After Death

 

After my cousin died, I was hurt so much after realizing that he may not be in heaven where I desperately wanted him to be. After him leaving so suddenly and I never got the chance to say goodbye, it was hard on me. Because I loved him and wanted to know I would see him again. And I loved you so much that I wanted to know that if you left suddenly, I would see you again. 

 

Blaming Myself

 

Do you know my mom would not even let me read the letter you sent back to me? Because she knew it would hurt me if I read it. It was easier for me not to have to read it. I blamed myself for ruining our relationship. But now, I think it was more on you than on me. I was coming from a place of love but sadness and hurt. I didn’t understand why you didn’t believe the way that I did. I had no idea you would react the way you did. 

 

You Stopped 

 

You stopped writing to me. Also, you stopped all communication. You just stopped. That was hurtful to me. I looked up to you. I wanted to come to stay with you and wanted to be like you. I admired you for being as successful as you were. I understand now that what I said may have offended you, but I was a child and didn’t understand how it would offend you at the time. 

 

Ensured Salvation

 

In my mind, I wanted to ensure that I would see you again. I wouldn’t have to know that you would be in the next life and not in a bad place. I was hurting so much, and I was only a child. How was I supposed to know that one email would change our relationship forever? 

 

I think our Aunt blames me for our relationship not being where it used to be. I can see it on her face. I can feel it in her energy. But I know this was not my fault. My intentions were not of malice. You sent very hurtful letters back to me. It was not my intent to hurt you. Ever. 

 

Now, I Understand

 

I have gone through a tough time since then. I have suffered much, and you have no idea. And I so desperately wanted you to love and accept me like I love and accept you now. I feel guilty because I didn’t mean to hurt you. I would never intentionally hurt you in any way. I would hope you felt the same way about me. I do not judge your lifestyle. I am not a child anymore. I now understand how offensive some statements can be, and I choose not to make those statements. 

 

I love you. I want you to love me too.